Fucktard Rants… Attempting to Put a Stop to Stupidity the World Over because Stupid People Suck!

I have a big problem with Fucktards in cars. It used to be that I would mostly have issues with them when I was driving, but lately it seems that I have problems with them when I am not in a car as well. Let me give you an example. The other day I had made it through traffic hell, parked my car and was walking across the bridge into work. I get to the end of the bridge and there is a light where people come off a ramp from the highway and can turn right across the bridge or left and into town. Now this is a fancy light. It has three different colors and even has those neat looking boxes which also light up. The top one has a white sign that says “walk” and the bottom one has a red sign that says “don’t walk”. Not being a Fucktard myself, I know that when the white sign is on, I should be able to safely cross the intersection. The red one means I have to wait until the cars are stopped again so I can cross. I have discussed in previous posts how I observe Fucktards just crossing streets whenever and wherever they want, but this tale is not about that. Back to the three colored lights. For those Fucktards who don’t know, the top one is red and it means “Stop”. The middle one is yellow and it means “hurry up before it turns red”. (just kidding – see I do have a sense of humor) it means “slow down”. The bottom one is green and it means “go”. See…this is not so difficult. Anyway, I am crossing the intersection (because my little sign is showing “walk” and the traffic light is red which means the cars should “stop”) and this Fucktard decides that they are going to make a right on red and beat the cars coming up the road – even though they are only about ten feet away and moving. I guess shit stain was too busy looking at the cars coming to notice that someone was walking in front of their car. This pee brain hits the gas to pull out and runs right into me. I was not in a car, I was walking. I was hit by a car. Luckily they started from a stop and I was not hit hard, but let me tell you, it still is not fun. Thankfully the thud of my body hitting her car alerted her that there may be a problem and she stopped. I, of course, quickly move out of the road and she winds down the window. Now I am waiting for it to start as this behemoth leans out of her window and yells: “Sorry, are you OK”. This took me by complete surprise. Believe me, this was not what I was expecting. Suddenly there shined a small glimmer of hope in an otherwise stupid and pitiful world. (See…not everything I write about is completely bad). I told her it was Ok and went on my way with a lighter heart and small skip in my step. Well, it was actually more of a limp, but anyway my mood was better. This lasted about one block before I saw several other Fucktards do other incredibly stupid things and my world was back to normal.

I don’t know about anyone else, but this Christmas shit just pisses me off. What the fuck happened to every other holiday after the 4^th of July? You used to have distinctive holiday seasons and could look forward to each one. Ever since the middle of September, however, I have seen Christmas crap in all of the stores. You go into any store now and there is a smaller display of Halloween items (which is the best holiday of the year. Where else can you look into fucktard’s houses and see what they have without being arrested?) next to a huge display of Christmas things. It is not even winter yet and everyone is looking forward to the biggest Fucktard day of the year. I say that this is a fucktard day because Christmas is just one big swap meet where the winner is the one the gives out the least and gets the most back. Just because I have decided not to spawn like so many people do, I end up losing more and more every year. My sisters and brother have a bunch of dirt-faced rugrats now. Every year I now have to buy something for some new little fucktard-in-training and receive the same shitty amount for a gift from the rest of them (if I get a gift at all). Then, these shitheads don’t have the common courtesy to make the little bastards even say Thank You. This has gone on for years and suddenly I am the asshole because I don’t want to participate in this crap anymore. I get told that I should “just be a good uncle”. Fuck that. Just because you cannot control your hormones doesn’t mean I should have to pay for it. Before any of you fucktards try to pull the “Well you should just remember the reason for the season” bullshit, just shut up. Think about this. Isn’t it amazing that your holiday for Santachrist happens to fall at the same time as many other religious holidays (most of which are far older than yours). So, if I am to celebrate the true reason for the season, it probably won’t be with your religion and you should keep your zealot-ism to yourself. Why can’t we have a holiday where all the fucktards stay home and don’t irritate me for six months instead. That would be the best Christmas gift that I could ever have.

Another one of my pet peeves are the fucktards that disobey simple driving rules in parking lots. These are the douche bags that do not stop at the intersections where a big stop sign appears. Or they cut across the parking spots, cut you off because you are following traffic rules but give you the stupid look. I am of the opinion that putting people in a shopping center parking lot of any kind causes them to lose 50 IQ points instantly. I also get annoyed by the fucktards that walk right in front of your car without even looking. I realize pedestrians have the right of way, but my mother must have been a genius when she taught me to look both ways in case a car doesn’t see me. One day in the future I could be having a bad day in the Walmart parking lot and I’ll be cleaning Irma Jean Fucktard and her two ugly brats off the hood of my car with a spatula… but I won’t feel guilty. Please work with me and the rest of us damn it… follow the rules of the road in the parking lot, look both ways before you go trotting along, look BEHIND you when you back up dummies. I shouldn’t have to write this but too many stupid people keep shopping.

There are actually times that Fucktards amuse me instead of pissing me off. Since this is extremely rare, I thought I would relate an incident that occurred a couple of months ago that was one of the funniest things that I ever saw. As you can tell by the title, this does involve a naked Fucktard. Now, this person was definitely not someone that I would ever want to willingly see naked, but it was such a treat given the circumstance that I can forgive that. So the story goes… Fucktard was in a convenience store in the middle of the city that I work in and she shoplifts a bag of peanuts (go figure – the elephant steals peanuts). The clerk then confronts her about it and she (of course) retaliates by yelling and screaming at the clerk. Somehow in the midst of this VERBAL altercation, Fucktard manages to lose ALL of her clothes. I am talking everything from shirt and pants to underwear and socks/shoes. She is buck naked. Then she runs out of the store and into the street (again – downtown in a fairly large metropolitan city on a very busy intersection) and proceeds to continue to yell and scream at the clerk inside the store while jumping up and down like one of those tribal scenes that you used to able to see in National Geographic. If she only had a bone through her nose, it would have been perfect. Since there is a fire station next to the convenience store, the EMT’s come out and are standing around her talking to her. Cue me trudging in on my way to work. I come around the corner and see this scene. I just have to stop for a moment and watch. It is not often that you see a hippopotamus naked in the street. After watching for a while, I have to go to work (because I am a responsible person) and continue to my office (which is up one block and down another). As I come down to the front of my building, I see Fucktard running down the street like a rhino crossing the Serengeti. She has managed to put her shirt back on, but nothing else. Even more amusing is the picture of a skinny little EMT running along behind her holding her pants out in front of him for her to take like a baton in a rely race. I almost shit myself. Seconds later there are police swarming the area in an attempt to hunt down this wild beast. Now, instead of only being questioned for shoplifting (a relatively minor offense) Fucktard now faces charges of public indecency and resisting arrest. I found out later that to top it off, once the police finished their safari (I am sure they had to shoot her with several tranquilizer darts) and captured her they hauled her off to the local loony bin. So now she is naked and crazy. I have always wondered why crazy people get naked in the strangest places. If every Fucktard could be amusing like this one instead of stupid and irritating, I would not mind having so many of them in the world.

Why is it that I have to have Fucktards on a daily basis attempt to show me just how cool they are? They do this by turning their car stereo up as loud as they can. You used to only have to worry about the idiots carrying their big boom boxes around before, now I run into at least two Fucktards doing this every day. I have a radio in my own car, I do not need to hear the crap that you are listening to. I don’t know what it sounds like inside your car, but from the outside it sounds like a very fuzzy deep bass and parts of your shitbox rattling with the beat. I am not impressed with you, I am annoyed. No one else is impressed with you either. I don’t even think the other Fucktards are impressed, but I could be wrong. You never know with Fucktards. My grandfather used to turn his radio up very loud too. This is because he was DEAF, not because he was a Fucktard like you. I may not even be quite as annoyed if I ever heard one of these dick holes play any decent music (or actual music at all). But no, it is always some skinny little dork bee-bopping in his car to gangster rap. I mean come on. Look at you. Not only do you have lousy taste in music, but you have no concept of how pathetic you really are. Try getting a personality transplant if you want to be cool. Turning your radio up as loud as it can go is just not working for you. I guess that is why I always see these nimrods alone or with a group of other male Fucktards who are just as big of losers. Maybe if you lost the stupidity, you might actually be with a GIRL on a weekend night instead of alone with your rattling car.

I was at the grocery store this past weekend and saw an incident that completely disgusted me. After shopping for a while, I had to sit down. This is because you cannot have just a simple grocery store anymore, but everything has to be a super-megaopolis shopping mecca. While these stores are now all huge, they still don’t seem to carry anything that I happen to like, or they discontinue carrying it in a very short time. I can, however, buy any amount of sugar coated sugar cubes dipped in chocolate with sprinkles on top breakfast cereal that I want. But I digress, back to the incident. Since I am tired of walking around, I want to sit down. In this store there is an area set up like a café with tables and chairs in between the bakery and the deli. I sit on one of the chairs while my wife goes and looks for something that she wants in this area. While sitting there, I watch as this old couple goes up to the self-serve donut area and prepare to get some donuts. You would think that given their age, they would have been taught some manners at some point, but not these Fucktards. While the woman holds open the bag, the man starts to get some donuts. Is he using one of those nifty disposable plastic gloves? Is he using those handily placed tongs? No. He reaches in with his Ben Gay and Feces encrusted hands and starts handling all of the donuts to pick what they want. If this was not bad enough, Geriatric Man suffers an arthritic spasm and drops one of the donuts he has picked onto the floor. Any normal person would have left this there or threw it in the garbage. Fucktarded people do what he did. HE PICKS THE DONUT UP AND PUTS IT BACK IN THE CASE! Then picks up the donut next to the one that was on the floor and puts it in the bag. Do you think his wife said anything to him? No, she looks to see if there are any store employees to see him and gives him the nod when the coast is clear. I already know that things like this happen and if you saw how any of the food you eat was prepared, you would stop eating. But give me prepackaged, full of preservatives, food any day. This way I know the only Fucktard that has handled my food was at the packaging plant and I can put that out of my mind.

While driving home from work today, I saw something that reaffirms my belief that there should be a Fucktard test given to every person before they are allowed to have a license to drive. As I was driving, I pass this Dimwit who is driving along in his red-neck monster truck. It is bad enough that the shitbox he is driving is allowed on the road at all with all of the rusted pieces falling off of it, but he has to make it worse. This Fucktard is driving with his leg hanging out of the widow and his camouflaged work boot resting on the front of his side view mirror. At the same time, he is leaning with his left arm and elbow out the window as well and is smoking. Furthermore, he is using his right hand to pick mud off his boots and throwing it in the other lane. What the fuck is he driving with? You just know that since he is wearing a sideways baseball cap that he has a needle dick, so obviously he is not using this to steer with and most likely not steering at all. He also has to be in a bad angle to use his other leg to control the pedals. To make matters even worse is that he is not driving on a back road, but is on a major interstate with three lanes on each side doing at least 70 MPH. I am amazed that I ever make it home alive when this is what I have driving beside me.

If you don’t know what you are talking about, please learn not to speak at all. While moronic sayings can amuse me at times, it mostly just pisses me off. Much like Vulgar’s rant about Rainbow Brite and her “Jewish Times”, I am constantly bombarded by idiotic comments that I believe actually make me stupider for hearing them. I have known a person for my entire life who makes comments like this. For sake of keeping their true identity secret we will call them something else, like “mom”. Now “mom” can be a true Fucktard at times. One time “mom” and I were discussing nationality. This can be interesting because “mom” is a cornucopia of different nationalities and it is fun to try to figure them all out. Suffice to say that “mom” has had an ancestor in pretty much every Slovak nation. Now in describing her nationality, “mom” said that she is a “White Russian”. Now, “mom” is not Russian at all, but she is part Ukrainian, so this could be true. (For you Fucktards that think a White, Red or Black Russian is just a drink, you should read up on European history. In particular the parts about the Russian revolution and how it had a huge impact on communism in Europe). Since I know that “mom” is a Fucktard, I am sure that this is not what she means, so I ask her if she knows what a White Russian is. She says “No, this is what my father used to say, so that’s what I say too”. Why would you call yourself something that you don’t know what it is? If your father used to say that you were a Fucktard, would you tell people that also? After explaining to her what a white Russian is (in very simple terms), she then says “Oh, I guess I am not one after all”. What a freaking brainchild. This is also the person who was referring to the Middle East as “all those ‘Islam’ people” at times. (I believe that she meant Muslim and I hope I don’t have to explain that there are many more religions than Muslimism in the Middle East as well). This just goes to show that not all Fucktardism is inherited. Even if you come from Fucktards, you can surpass it with some effort and a little intelligence. Thank God I don’t live with and have to hear stupid shit from this one everyday anymore.

On a similar note, we were having a discussion at work the other day about the conflict between Lebanon and Israel. One of my co-workers (who is usually a lot smarter, but I have found that anyone can be a Fucktard at any time) started saying how it wasn’t fair that Israel was bombing Lebanese cities because people were being killed and “ it is not their fault that the terrorists are working in their country, they didn’t want them there”. If they didn’t want them there, why the fuck did they elect some of them into the government? This led to a discussion on why everyone in the Middle East hates Israel. It then comes out that this person did not even know how Israel came about and the situation that has led up to the point where we are now. I don’t expect everyone to be up on world history. It is not that big of a deal if you know nothing about what is occurring in other parts of the planet. You can live your life and not worry about other countries or political situations. This is all OK. However, if you don’t know anything that is going on, then please, just shut the fuck up. Your uninformed opinion just makes my head hurt and reinforces that thought that everyone I meet is a Fucktard.

Listen up Fucktards. This is a necessary announcement that someone may have never told you. YOU ARE NOT THAT FUCKING IMPORTANT. The world does not revolve around you. What you say will not ultimately show any improvement in the social fabric or life on this earth in general. Since you now know this, this means that you can shut the fuck up and quit talking on a cell phone to any other Fucktard every second of your life – no matter where you are. Unless you are the leader of a nation or otherwise have to make important life or death situations at a moments notice, you do not have to be able to be contacted 24 hours a day by any butt-reaming dipshit that knows you. Now, let me point out that I do own a cell phone. I use it for work. When I am not working, my cell phone sits on a desk in my home. When I am not working, I do not take it with me to places such as the store, the movies, the park, driving in my car, etc. Basically I do not take it anyplace where if it happens to ring, I do not talk on it about my inconsequential life and what mundane thing that I happen to be doing at the time to any other Fucktard who happened to want to talk to me, so that every other person in the immediate area can also hear about my pitiful existence. This is because I am not a Fucktard. Far be it for you Fucktards to go away and talk somewhere that you cannot be overheard. No, you think that you are that important that the rest of the world needs to accommodate you. You then expect people to give you some privacy when you are talking on the phone. In case you did not know it, the definition of the word PUBLIC is the complete opposite of PRIVATE. If you want to talk in private, go somewhere that you can do so – like your own fucking home. That way you don’t annoy the rest of the world in public who can get along just fine without hearing how you can’t decide if skim or 2% milk is better or that your friend’s sister’s neighbor said something that you didn’t like. I was at a video store looking to rent a movie when this Fucktard was in the same aisle as me talking on a cell phone about the movies that were available to some other Fucktard. Every time I moved away from them, they would follow me into the next aisle and stand right next to me. This chattering magpie then seemed to get annoyed when I started making loud disgusted noises because I was interrupting HER phone conversation. Get off your fat ass and come down to the video store to look at movies yourself if you want to watch one. Don’t send the loudest fucking moron to tell you what is available. Better yet, all of you just stay home so I don’t have to hear from any of you. That way, you can take any call you want from any other Fucktard in their home and not disturb anyone. The same goes for driving. There are laws against talking on a phone while driving for a reason. That is because you Fucktards cannot walk and think at the same time, so what makes you think you can talk on a phone and drive at the same time? I guess you were walking when that bright idea hit and you couldn’t pay attention at the time. Since there were a lot of words in between my first statement and now, and whenever you learn something new, something old falls out of your pointed little heads, let me reiterate - YOU ARE NOT THAT FUCKING IMPORTANT. The world does not revolve around you. What you say will not ultimately show any improvement in the social fabric or life on this earth in general. Since you now know this again, this means that you can shut the fuck up and quit talking on a cell phone to other Fucktards every second of your life – no matter where you are. Take this as a mantra. Repeat it to yourself many, many times. Hopefully one day it will sink in through the sludge you call your brain.

Ok fucktards. Here is a tip about your manners while in public, because this just truly pisses me off to no end. You go to the grocery store, you get your shopping cart filled, and then go through the check out line. Everything is fine, you may not have even annoyed anyone in the store. But your manners are not done fuck wad. After you load up your piece of shit car… put the SHOPPING CART in the cart return. You know that area with the beams and big sign that says RETURN CART HERE? That’s what it is for. Gawd this annoys me. Don’t leave it at the end either, push it IN as far as you can so others can use the cart return properly too without having to clean up your mess. Why is this so difficult? You probably didn’t mind gobbling up the free samples, asking cashiers and clerks stupid questions, so do the poor staff a favor and help keep their job easier.

Now I am not by any means a “fashionable” type of guy. I have never read GQ or wore any designer clothes that were not bought for me by someone else. I am, however, NOT a Fucktard. This means that I know how to dress in public and can look presentable. In my mind, there are only three rules of fashion and they are:

If you shouldn’t be wearing a belly shirt or tube top – then don’t. Even if you can get away with wearing a tube top – don’t. Here is a reality tip for most of the Fucktards that I see wearing these. No one wants to see your love handles and stretch marks. It is not attractive in the least and just makes everyone want to throw up. For those of you who think you can get away with this because you have larger assets up top – the only reason you have larger assets is because you are fat everywhere else as well. I saw this load the other day walking through town with the front of her shirt pulled up and tucked through her bra. There were mounds of flesh hanging so low that you could not see the waist of her pants through the flubber. It was bouncing up and down when she walked and honestly looked like a jellyfish stranded on a mile wide beach of denim flopping around. After holding my lunch down by gagging several times, it dawned on me that this Fucktard was walking around smiling and holding her dirtbag boyfriend’s hand in public. She was proud of the way she looked. Please, for all of our sakes, before you leave the house look in fucking the mirror. If you can honestly think that you look good with most of your obese body exposed, then you should be shot. This rule applies to men who think that mesh shirts are attractive too. News Flash – they went out in the 70’s with all the other hideous clothes and just make you look like you are trying to smuggle wire brushes under you shirt.

As we are on the subject of men, pull your fucking pants up and buy a belt. I saw this overweight Fucktard today walking down the street holding his pants up because they were drooping so low. Isn’t it bad enough that you have to by 10X already? Do you really need to go that extra mile and get the 15X’s? How are you going to continue to stuff Ho Ho’s in your maw if you have to hold your pants up? Droopy pants are all well and good for the asinine criminals to wear. We all have gotten a good laugh while watching COPS and when some stupid criminal is running away, his pants fall down around his ankles tripping him. I encourage this behavior with criminals. It makes it a lot easier to catch them. For the rest of you Fucktards, you just look stupid.

Finally, and this really pisses me off to no end, FLIP FLOPS ARE NOT SHOES! I am not talking about sandals or a thick-soled open top shoe - I am talking about the $.50 Blue Light K-Mart special foam and plastic shower tongs. As the name implies, these are meant for the SHOWER or the Beach and should not be worn as shoes. Everyday I see these fucking dim-witted nimrods (both men and women) walking around with these in public. It takes all of my will power not to walk over and stomp on their dirt encrusted hairy toes. Wear them at home in your backyard, not in public. When I go into a convenience store I want to get what I wanted to buy and get out. Not look at your feet. Are there no dress codes for work anymore? I work in a large metropolitan city and after parking I walk into my office. Have you ever looked at what on is the street? Everyday I see used bandages, syringes, the spot where some out-of-work shit-faced drunken Fucktard has passed out and either puked or pissed and shit themselves as well as bird shit, spit and general grime. I notice these things because I look at the ground when I am walking to lessen the urge to kill every stupid Fucktard I see. You mental giants with your flip flops on are walking through the same sludge that I do everyday. The only difference is that my SHOES protect my feet from this crap. You are just adding to your already overwhelming cruddiness. Maybe I will get lucky and some plague will come and wash all the scum off the world because it can only be contracted through your toenails.

While driving in to work the other day, I was going through a construction zone where they have one side of the road torn up and there is about a 2 foot drop into sand and gravel. As there are some businesses along the other side of the road, there are some pathways through the torn up section so that you can get to them. I see this highly intelligent Fucktard half blocking my lane because he was too fucking stupid to see that there was a huge drop and he tried to drive across the middle of it. He plunged down so that the front of his car was stuck in the sand, the back is on the road and the middle is crunched into the road. Not even ten feet further up the road is the path that the road crews so nicely made for cars to cross over. The best part is that the only place dipshit could have been going is to the adult book store because it is the only building in that particular mile long stretch. I guess all the blood left his head to go to his little peepee and he couldn’t think straight enough to realize there was no road where he was going.

I work in a metropolitan city where I have to sit in traffic on a daily basis after work. Now when I say sit, I don’t mean that I am still the entire time. The traffic moves at 2 miles per hour while stopping and starting frequently. During this time, a lot of minor Fucktards think that they can get ahead faster by weaving in and out of lanes - usually by cutting in front of me or others, and saving maybe 2 minutes off of their time. Anyway, into this urban mess comes the royal Fucktard of the day. This mental giant is on a motorcycle wearing only a tank top, daisy dukes and sandals. She is just begging for skin grafts when someone finally does their god given duty and runs her stupid ass over or she falls off like so many Fucktards do. Anyway, to make matter worse, she decides that she will also play the “lets see how many lanes I can cut through” game. The kicker is that not only is she cutting in and out of lanes, but she’s also driving up the median and up the middle BETWEEN moving cars also cutting in and out of lanes. I know that when she gets squashed everyone will bitch that “no one driving a car looks out for motorcycles on the road” …..WAAAAH. Then some other stupid Fucktard will put one of those crosses on the side of the road for her and more Fucktards will stop to put flowers on them - thereby making MY commute longer as everyone stops to look at it. I don’t hate motorcycles - just the stupid Fucktards who drive them.