Fucktard Rants… Attempting to Put a Stop to Stupidity the World Over because Stupid People Suck!

This is truly one of my pet peeves, but then again I have many of those. Fucktards, please listen up because it is you twats that feed into this bullshit.

All those stupid “informative” or ‘educational” chain letters you get in email… are bullshit. Please don’t keep forwarding them on because you learned some tidbit of trivia that you didn’t know before. There is a major chance…. That the info is INCORRECT, not to mention it’s a virus or something else. Fucktards take these chain letters totally seriously.

There is one floating around right now for instance about Taxes. It’s some fucktarded poem that some angry poor unemployed person probably wrote…. who also doesn’t want to pay taxes. So they give misleading info by saying that the US didn’t have taxes or a national debt 100 yrs ago. What really ticked me off is some dumb ass also posted it on their blog to help inform their stupid readers too. Therefore, I must rant.

Um it is bullshit that we didn’t pay taxes in the US 100 years ago. Wars have always created a National Debt and we have had plenty. Sure, our debt now is HUGE beyond belief… but the Civil War created one too and yeah, at that time it was very high. And Taxes aren’t just an American issue either jackasses… every country in the World pays them. Duh. Some countries pay much HIGHER then Americans do. The German’s for instance are paying a Restitution Tax for WWII . It comes right out of their pay checks. Oh, they also are taxed a Religion tax too. Didn’t Americans litter our tea in some body of water to revolt against the UK’s taxes? Um I believe that might also be true too (uh yeah that’s sarcasm dummies). I guess we were paying taxes and hoping not to have to do that here. Boy, we sure were idealistic and stupid weren’t we?

The United States began the development of the IRS (it was not technically the same as we have now – for the dummies that might get confused) in the middle of the 1800’s. Um, that’s more then 100 years ago. Cigarettes and alcohol has been taxed since roughly since that time too.

While it is true that in the last 100 years American taxes have dramatically increased… some are really needed if you want nice roads to drive on, if you want health care costs to be semi-affordable, and if you wants losers who don’t pay their taxes to get more fees then you.

Some of the taxes that this dumb chain letter bitches about are:

Corporation Taxes - Um ok. Corporations need to be taxed. They can afford it and they make up a major part of the American infrastructure. People who have any intelligence know that they should be taxed for a variety of reasons.

Property Taxes – Um ok so you don’t want a Police or Fire dept in your community?

Road Usage Taxes – the more intelligent people call this Toll Roads. I guess you don’t want roads?

Unemployment Taxes – So these supply you with an income when you lose your fucktarded job at McDonalds. And we ALL know that you want money when you get fired.

Social Security Tax – Is anyone actually dumb enough to not realize why we pay this? If so, sorry, it will take me way too long to explain it to you.

Marriage License Tax – yeah you gotta pay to get married, but then you also get tax advantages for it. No brainer.

Building Permit Taxes – This allows us to mandate building codes and makes them safer to live and work in. But who really needs that?

There were tons more, basically all taxes listed and complained about. I have a life so it would take me way too long to go over each one.

The email closes out with the statement of 100 years ago fantasy bullshit, but it also sticks in that “women stayed home with the kids” as if implying that made things better too. I guess it did in some ways… but 100 years women had no choices and no rights either. Duh. Progress and growth costs money fucktards. I know that is a hard concept to grasp for you because you normally do not improve your stations in life, and you need someone to blame it on. But yeah, progress costs money. We also have doubled our population of fucktards that need “taken care of’ too. The US is no longer some little melting pot “island” where immigrants can come to hide from their problems in their own land. We aren’t the Land of Hope that we once were, now we seem to be the “Land of Entitlement”. Get over it, and pay your fucking taxes. Shut up and stop sending out chain letters written in ignorance. You only show me how stupid you are. Try using the internet for educating yourself instead. America keeps getting dumber and I could vomit.

I saw this on the news the other day and I just had to laugh and point this out. There was a story about a young man (in his early twenties) who was killed the other day because he was hit by a train. How the fuck do you get hit by a train? Did it sneak up on him then jump out of the weeds and smash him? Here’s a news flash for you Fucktards out there. If you don’t want to get hit by a train…..Don’t walk on the tracks! This may seem to be something that wouldn’t be possible, but I assure you. Trains don’t leave the tracks for the most part. If you just can’t bear to walk around and avoid the train tracks, here is another tip. When that REALLY loud metal thing coming at you starts making a lot of noise… move off the tracks. That big thing is a train and it can smash you. I just love natural selection.

Let me tell you how a couple of days went for me last week. I own a fairly new car (a little over 3 years old) that does have a bit of mileage on it. I do drive in to work everyday and it is a fairly decent commute of about 35 miles one way. Last Monday I was driving home from work and sitting in traffic before going through a tunnel (like I do everyday) and cursing whatever Fucktard slowed down first and made all the traffic back up (like I do everyday). Anyway, traffic finally starts moving and I hit the gas. The engine revs and nothing else happens. I am in drive and I am not moving at all. I try switching gears, etc and nothing. The transmission is gone. I sit there for a while, in the fast lane, contacting someone to come and tow me (now this is only about 3 miles into my journey home). I finally get in touch with someone and they will send a tow truck, but it will be about an hour and a half due to traffic. This is fine. I expected this. About this time, the local patrol tow truck shows up and helps me move my car from the road to the berm. Great, this was a big help and I appreciated it. The guy was even nice enough to stop back an hour later and check that I was OK (I.e. Non-Fucktard). Unfortunately this was about the most terrifying hour and a half of my life. Here I am sitting on the berm by an exit before the tunnel and there are numerous Fucktards who find no problem driving on the berm to get past traffic and almost side-swipe my car. They had to see it there, but just didn’t seem to notice or care. (I also have to take a moment to put out my thanks to a state patrol officer who also stopped during this time to check on me. He even gave me a number to call their barracks if the tow truck did not show up. He almost was hit by some Fucktard driving on berm while he did this, but I appreciate his help).

The tow truck showed up after an hour and a half and we got my car situated to tow. Allow me to describe the tow truck driver. He was a fairly large man (not fat, but pretty muscular and larger than me) with tattoos on both arms and on the back and side of his shaved head. He also had no front teeth. This was actually not a problem for me, because back in the day this old punk hung out with some pretty big degenerates. When we get into the truck, the first thing that he says to me is “Do you like Metallica?” as it is jamming on the radio. Actually I do like some Metallica and I told him so. This appears to have been the point where Ray and I became best of friends. He says “Good Man” and pulls out in front of traffic. We are on our way. We’re driving along discussing the best way to get to where my car needs to go since he needs to drop off another car first. After this discussion, we start talking about music again and Ray tells me that he has been a headbanger for years. He tells me that he used to have really long hair “Longer than my old ladies” that hung down to his knees. He then tells me that he got sent away then and had to shave it all off. He keeps it shaved now because of the tattoos. Cool. I can deal with this still. After talking about some other things, we get to where we need to drop the other car off and do so. Then we situate my car back on the truck and we’re off again. We discuss important world places like CrapDonald’s and Wal-Mart and how these have made an impact upon our society at large. Just kidding, Ray actually just told me how he really likes both of them. Ray then starts to tell me a story about how he had a guy in the truck one time who “He just knew had something wrong with him and it was like he was retarded or something”. Anyway, the guy yelled at him to stop the truck and Ray stopped because he thought the guy had to vomit or something. No, the guy demanded that he get out of the truck and pulled out a knife. Ray then tells me how he reached under his seat and pulled out his gun and shot the guy four times while the guy was stabbing him. Ray even pulled up his shirt to show me the scar (while driving about 60 miles and hour) and again told me how he pulled his gun out from under the seat and shot the guy. Ray then told me that it was OK because the guy did not die. He even tried to help the guy before the ambulance arrived even though he was stabbed. The police felt it was OK too, but he was upset that he lost the right to carry his gun for 7 months and did not think that this was fair of the courts. I am feeling a tad bit nervous at this point since we still have about 20 miles to go to get to the garage. Lucky for me that Ray is my new best friend. (Although I did wonder how if he was sent away he was able to get a permit to carry a gun anyway.) The subject changes and before we get to the garage, we stopped to get something to eat and stopped at a convenience store for chew. Finally we arrive at the garage and get my car unloaded. Ray then tells me that I owe him $60 over the money that my roadside assistance paid. He also tells me that he cannot accept a card, they only accept cash. I think he just wanted to ride with me some more to go to the ATM. Thankfully I happen to have it and pay him. He gives me a big toothless grin as he waves and drives away. I get home 5 hours after I left work.

Now, you may think that Ray is the Fucktard of the story. He was not. I actually did like him and had a rather amusing time for the most part. I just told that part of the story because I thought it was funny. The real Fucktards came the next day. This part of my tale is NOT funny. The garage calls me (No, they are not the Fucktards either – they were pretty good throughout this) and tells me that the part of my car that broke was not covered. They then asked me if I had an extended warranty. I believed that I did and, because I was at work, had to make several hundred phone calls between the garage, the place I bought my car and the place the warranty was through to try to get the information. After much wailing, moaning and gnashing of teeth, I managed to get in touch with all these people (even though they had the information for my car fucked up) and get everything straight. This is where the Fucktard part of the story comes in. The guy handling the warranty claim then tells me “You know that the warranty company filed for bankruptcy two months ago and are not paying new claims, right?” No Fucktard, I did not know. Do you think that it would have been nice to inform the people that have this warranty about the company going bankrupt? I happened to pay a shitload of money when I bought the car so that I did not have to worry about crap like this. He gives me a website to look up and see what the insurance company contracted for my policy was doing regarding this. I go there and there and after searching through several thousand names (literally), I find my name and policy number. I look up what they are doing about the claims and the website says that if you live in seven specific states, they are covering the claims in full. I don’t live in any of those states of course. If you live in any other state, they are doing NOTHING right now and check back to the website in a couple of months. So, there you have the true Fucktards of this tale of woe. The bastards that I paid money to when I bought my car and then forced me to pay the full amount to get it fixed when it broke. That is the real crime. Maybe they should have been sent away instead of my buddy Ray.

Where I work you don’t have to give any kind of explanation on why you need a day off or what’s ailing you, just make sure you call in.

Well, normal people understand this, but NOT FUCKTARDS. Not only can they not even call in on time and sometimes not at all they have to tell you every piece of drama that is going on in their life.

First of all, I don’t give a shit. We are not family, friends…hell I don’t even like you.

I have put off this rant about a certain co-worker long enough. She called in tonight, 45 minutes late, and preceeded to cough in my ear and then go on and on about all of her illnesses. “I am sorry I am late, but I have been having breathing problems.” I am asthmatic and I am insulin dependent diabetic. Of course she was just getting home from somewhere and it wasn’t the hospital. Maybe her mother, the one that has Alzheimer’s, was driving her home from some shindig. Yes, her mother drives them places. That’s a scary thought. If it’s not her health it’s that she is doing something for her elderly mother with Alzheimer’s. She has to let us know that every fucking time she calls off also. All I know is my mother, whom I love with all my heart, is a terrible driver now. I sure wouldn’t get in the car with her if she had Alzheimer’s.

BTW, the jobs we do do not require any physical activity what-so-ever.

Another one of my pet peeves are the fucktards that disobey simple driving rules in parking lots. These are the douche bags that do not stop at the intersections where a big stop sign appears. Or they cut across the parking spots, cut you off because you are following traffic rules but give you the stupid look. I am of the opinion that putting people in a shopping center parking lot of any kind causes them to lose 50 IQ points instantly. I also get annoyed by the fucktards that walk right in front of your car without even looking. I realize pedestrians have the right of way, but my mother must have been a genius when she taught me to look both ways in case a car doesn’t see me. One day in the future I could be having a bad day in the Walmart parking lot and I’ll be cleaning Irma Jean Fucktard and her two ugly brats off the hood of my car with a spatula… but I won’t feel guilty. Please work with me and the rest of us damn it… follow the rules of the road in the parking lot, look both ways before you go trotting along, look BEHIND you when you back up dummies. I shouldn’t have to write this but too many stupid people keep shopping.

Oprah did a show on Friday about “Mom’s Who Can’t Say No”. That was the title of the episode but it should have been “Stop Being a Fucktard Parent”. It was about how spoiling our children is actually bad for them. The experts said that giving them everything they want makes them feel entitled, causes children not to appreciate things, makes them have no work ethic, and that it ruins their lives.

Hello? Do people have their brains on at all? No fucking shit. Why does Oprah have to even explain this to anyone? This was real, this had to be an actual Oprah lesson because so many fucktards keep reproducing yet have no clue how to create a good thoughtful productive human being. What killed me is there were working professional articulate parents that were destroying their kids and they were acting as if they had no idea! Do people realize it takes more skill then FUCKING to be a parent?

I am almost 37 years old, my mother used to lecture me on a “bad” behavior and when she did she told me “it was for my own good”. She told me that when I grew up I’d understand and be a better person for it when she had to punish me. I can’t believe my mother actually wanted me to grow up and do right by society, by her, by my own friends and family.

What the hell is wrong with people that we have to watch a tv talk show to tell us how make our kids generous people instead of selfish ones? Have we lost all common sense in the United States? Now all we need is a talk show to tell the people “if you are a fucktard then don’t have children”. And truthfully that would solve the problem too.

As you probably have figured out, I spend a lot of time in my car driving back and forth to work. I amazes me just how much Fucktards have no manners whatsoever while driving anymore. I always understood that it is much better to be polite to others while driving than to be an ass. I have found that it doesn’t matter if someone is driving a Lexus or a piece of shit car that should have been junked in the 70’s – they are all Fucktards. For example, it was my understanding that it was polite to allow someone to enter a roadway from a ramp or side street if possible. The extra minute you save by being a Fucktard and ignoring others doesn’t really help you get to where you are going any faster. Conversely, it doesn’t help for you to be a complete prick and cut in front of others either. You are not so important that you have to force your way in and almost cause an accident. If someone happens to let you in, don’t act as if it is your god-given right that they should. Show some fucking manners and at least acknowledge that they were nice enough to do this. You can interrupt your phone call for two seconds and wave. You shouldn’t be talking on the phone when you are driving anyways shithead. For you Fucktards that cannot read, those signs that say “Do Not Block Intersection” mean something. They mean DO NOT BLOCK THE GOD DAMN INTERSECTION. You are usually sitting at a red light anyway dipshit, so why the fuck do you have to stop anyone from getting into or out of a parking lot or maybe even drive on a cross street when it is their turn? It is not like you are going anywhere. Show some fucking manners. I also get particularly annoyed at the truly brilliant people who do not realize that those thick white lines in front of lights and stop signs at intersections mean you are supposed to stop BEHIND the line. There is a reason for this as well. They will even post signs to this effect and some Fucktard still cannot figure it out. I guess if you cannot read the intersection sign, you cannot figure this out either. Don’t you have to take written test to get your license anymore? Wherever you live paid some engineer a lot of money to determine where it would be safe for people to turn and where you should stop at. Do you really think you are smarter and can stop anywhere you want? I can assure you, Fucktard, you are not. Again, you are stopped. Is that extra two feet going to save you any time? No it is not. Then, to top it off, you have the nerve to look shocked and annoyed when I almost hit you when I am turning around a corner because you are where you are not supposed to be. How shocked will you look when I throw a brick through your window? Please, I beg you, if you are going to drive, stop being a Fucktard and show some fucking manners.

There are actually times that Fucktards amuse me instead of pissing me off. Since this is extremely rare, I thought I would relate an incident that occurred a couple of months ago that was one of the funniest things that I ever saw. As you can tell by the title, this does involve a naked Fucktard. Now, this person was definitely not someone that I would ever want to willingly see naked, but it was such a treat given the circumstance that I can forgive that. So the story goes… Fucktard was in a convenience store in the middle of the city that I work in and she shoplifts a bag of peanuts (go figure – the elephant steals peanuts). The clerk then confronts her about it and she (of course) retaliates by yelling and screaming at the clerk. Somehow in the midst of this VERBAL altercation, Fucktard manages to lose ALL of her clothes. I am talking everything from shirt and pants to underwear and socks/shoes. She is buck naked. Then she runs out of the store and into the street (again – downtown in a fairly large metropolitan city on a very busy intersection) and proceeds to continue to yell and scream at the clerk inside the store while jumping up and down like one of those tribal scenes that you used to able to see in National Geographic. If she only had a bone through her nose, it would have been perfect. Since there is a fire station next to the convenience store, the EMT’s come out and are standing around her talking to her. Cue me trudging in on my way to work. I come around the corner and see this scene. I just have to stop for a moment and watch. It is not often that you see a hippopotamus naked in the street. After watching for a while, I have to go to work (because I am a responsible person) and continue to my office (which is up one block and down another). As I come down to the front of my building, I see Fucktard running down the street like a rhino crossing the Serengeti. She has managed to put her shirt back on, but nothing else. Even more amusing is the picture of a skinny little EMT running along behind her holding her pants out in front of him for her to take like a baton in a rely race. I almost shit myself. Seconds later there are police swarming the area in an attempt to hunt down this wild beast. Now, instead of only being questioned for shoplifting (a relatively minor offense) Fucktard now faces charges of public indecency and resisting arrest. I found out later that to top it off, once the police finished their safari (I am sure they had to shoot her with several tranquilizer darts) and captured her they hauled her off to the local loony bin. So now she is naked and crazy. I have always wondered why crazy people get naked in the strangest places. If every Fucktard could be amusing like this one instead of stupid and irritating, I would not mind having so many of them in the world.

9/11 is a day we all remember, and on the anniversary of such a tragic event, I thought I’d celebrate some stupidity I was exposed to at the time. This is a Rainbow Brite post, she is listed in the Hall of Fame by me for her fucktard sensibilities. I knew her for about 10 years, and each day she became dumber.

So the story of idiocy begins….

Unless you are an idiot you know what happened 9/11/01. That’s not my story. The night of September 11^th I couldn’t sleep, I live very close to the Pennsylvania crash site, so it was on my mind specifically. I felt scared, sad, worried, angry etc etc just like every other American. In fact, there was also a great feeling of pride in America and the only positive thing I can say about the event itself is that we all did appreciate our American Pride a bit more. I know I did at least, and I felt the need the next day to put out an American flag. It was something I did not own, which made me realize I should have one.

I spoke to fucktard Rainbow Brite on the phone, expressed this need to her and she said “that’s a good idea. I know it is dummy, it came from me… not you of course. So as always she need to attach herself to my shirt tails and said she wanted to go with me. She even volunteered to drive.

Now let’s review something about Rainbow Brite and her automobiles. In the years I knew her she only owned one beyond the year 1990, and she only got it about 2 years ago. Her and her husband bought junkers, because “ a new car is a waste of money”, as opposed to the hundreds of dollars per year they were sinking into these used pieces of shit. And yes of course they were getting ripped off by buying cars that the very minute they drove away from the sale… they broke down. It literally did happen and still they never learned that maybe they were not smart car shoppers, and that they were always jumping from one frying pan into another.

So, dear Rainbow Brite in her Granny junker pulled clunking loudly into my driveway. I got in the car with the door that wouldn’t lock, and off we went listening to her 8-track tapes. Rainbow, the fucktard, as you might assume is not a great driver. She tends to have a very short attention span, she looks at something as you pass it and begins to swerve all over the road. You have to remind her to look at the road again. She tends to look at her surroundings more than the road ahead. Highway driving was scary and I always interrupted her childish “ooooh lookie over there” comments. I also used a seat belt if the junker even had one.

This particular trip I felt wasn’t such a big deal. We were going about 2 miles away to a specific shop. There was little traffic, people were just not out and a person slowly passed us in the turning lane literally one block from my house. I saw a guy, possibly of Arabic descent from the corner of my eye, while Rainbow turned away completely to look as he passed. I knew a stupid comment was coming.

She SLAMMED on the brakes in the middle of the road.

“I swear to God that guy had a gun Vulgar” she shouts at me.

“Shut up and drive, quit being a paranoid retard”, I answered.

Do you believe it? It’s the honest truth. I could not make this shit up. It was your standard stupid fucktard thing that every Arab is “guilty” and yet it was only 24 hours later so we did not have full proof of who had officially caused the whole thing yet. It totally pissed me off. She started driving again.

We heard an obvious helicopter overhead not more than 8 feet later down the road. She SLAMMED on the brakes again…… and looked UP and out the window as if it was going to fall from the sky or crash into something. It was so obvious that the helicopter was going to, or coming from the crash site, as I mentioned earlier - we lived near it. Ok, well… obvious to anyone who wasn’t a fucktard. Rainbow asked me why it was up there since all flights were shut down etc. Like I said, obvious to anyone who wasn’t a fucktard…. So I had to explain it.

“oooooooooooh yeah, that makes sense”.

Yes Rainbow, it does make sense, to anyone with COMMON SENSE and half a brain. It’s just that we don’t all need it explained to us by people who are 10 years our junior. Yes, she is also that much older than me. I wasn’t sure whether I should slap her, or run screaming from the car. But I really did want to get to the shop.

She asked me after we got our flags if I wanted to go to lunch or something. But I had met my fucktard limit already and I needed to go home, where sanity prevailed.

This event with Rainbow will remain etched forever in my head as a part of the horror on September 11^th. The horror of her stupidity, immaturity, and ignorance still linger in my head each year.

I have a rant about cashiers at grocery stores. It’s simple, just 2 things: stopping looking at my stuff, and stop talking to me. Now let’s review.

I do my shopping on Saturdays during my day off. I have been waiting in line behind several fucktards to get out of the store, and they have probably pissed me off. I am now exhausted from the whole shopping experience and I am in a hurry when I finally get up to the register. Ring up my stuff and pack the damn bags. Don’t leisurely look through my groceries reading what each item is. And God help you if you ask me about it. If looks could kill, you’d be in deep shit. Do your shopping on your own time and quit using my purchases as a new means to product discovery! My groceries do not want your cruddy money touching germy hands all over them while you study them. Oh, and forget about making stupid jokes. I don’t want to hear about your day either. My favorite cashiers are the ones who keep their eyes on the register, work quickly, and keep their mouths shut.

I was at the grocery store this past weekend and saw an incident that completely disgusted me. After shopping for a while, I had to sit down. This is because you cannot have just a simple grocery store anymore, but everything has to be a super-megaopolis shopping mecca. While these stores are now all huge, they still don’t seem to carry anything that I happen to like, or they discontinue carrying it in a very short time. I can, however, buy any amount of sugar coated sugar cubes dipped in chocolate with sprinkles on top breakfast cereal that I want. But I digress, back to the incident. Since I am tired of walking around, I want to sit down. In this store there is an area set up like a café with tables and chairs in between the bakery and the deli. I sit on one of the chairs while my wife goes and looks for something that she wants in this area. While sitting there, I watch as this old couple goes up to the self-serve donut area and prepare to get some donuts. You would think that given their age, they would have been taught some manners at some point, but not these Fucktards. While the woman holds open the bag, the man starts to get some donuts. Is he using one of those nifty disposable plastic gloves? Is he using those handily placed tongs? No. He reaches in with his Ben Gay and Feces encrusted hands and starts handling all of the donuts to pick what they want. If this was not bad enough, Geriatric Man suffers an arthritic spasm and drops one of the donuts he has picked onto the floor. Any normal person would have left this there or threw it in the garbage. Fucktarded people do what he did. HE PICKS THE DONUT UP AND PUTS IT BACK IN THE CASE! Then picks up the donut next to the one that was on the floor and puts it in the bag. Do you think his wife said anything to him? No, she looks to see if there are any store employees to see him and gives him the nod when the coast is clear. I already know that things like this happen and if you saw how any of the food you eat was prepared, you would stop eating. But give me prepackaged, full of preservatives, food any day. This way I know the only Fucktard that has handled my food was at the packaging plant and I can put that out of my mind.

I wrote a rant about one of my staff before. Please read the Fat Ass post to know the dipshit I am dealing with. This woman is a total drama queen, the excuse princess, and her life must be pretty difficult as you will see. She also calls “off” constantly despite the fact that she has the weekends off.

Yesterday the Drama Queen emailed me to let me know that during her days off she was in the hospital for walking pneumonia. She was feeling better she said, and her cough was tons better but she was taking the night off. She said she needed rest because during her 3 days in the hospital that they came in every 20 minutes to take her blood pressure, to take her blood, or to make her do breathing tests. It apparently exhausted her to lay in a bed.

I don’t know what hospital it is… but damn they give good care. When I was in the hospital a few years ago – in the ICU unit mind you, I had to buzz for the nurses. They weren’t showing up every 20 minutes for the ICU unit. And 3 days hospital stay for walking pneumonia? Whoa, that’s good insurance she has! My 70 yr old father with his heart condition and pace maker had full blown pneumonia and they only kept him overnight.

So basically the Drama Queen had 3 days of laying in the hospital doing nothing, and she needed rest from that. Doesn’t her fat ass kid keep her busier in a normal day with all his head injuries? Surely she should need more rest from that reject, right?

Another time she told me she was in the hospital this year (yes apparently she spends a lot of time there between her problems and the fat ass kids) it was for some queer stomach issue that she didn’t name to me. But she did tell me her doctor told her she should have bed rest for a week. I want her insurance, her hospital, and her damn doctor because mine actually just write me a prescription and tell me to go back to my normal routines….. like my job.

I feel like I run a fucktarded special education class instead of a business.

On a consistent basis I am assaulted by stupid Fucktards asking me for money. I am not referring to the constant requests around the office and by my family to put in for someone’s birthday, upcoming wedding, upcoming birth, retirement, etc (although this irritates the fuck out of me too). I am referring to the lazy shit for brains Fucktards that sit on the bridge when I walk past with a cup and expect me to give them change. I understand that sometimes people become homeless and cannot make ends meet. This happens. This is what I pay into welfare for and why shelters exist. This is not a license for you to pester me on a daily basis to give you my money. I work for a living. Get off your lazy ass and get a fucking job. I park on the outskirts of the city I work in and then walk across a bridge to get to my office. I do this because I am trying to save some of the money I WORK for and the parking is cheaper. Almost everyday I see one of three different people who sit on the bridge and hold out a cup to people walking by. Amazingly they all hold the same sign. If you can spend the money on a black magic marker to make your fucking sign, then use that to spend on some food. The funny thing is that I only see them on warm, sunny days. Where do they go when it is cold or raining? Why the fuck don’t they go there all the time? It appears that they can find somewhere when the weather is not good, why can’t they find somewhere permanently to live? I may actually be willing to part with $.50 if you were sitting in the snow. You may think I am ignorant, but I have seen these same three people for a few years sitting in the same spots. You can’t find a fucking job in YEARS? You think it is my responsibility to carry your lazy ass? I find it sort of amusing that almost every time I walk past them, they ask for my help by giving them my spare change. Now, I have been walking past you for years and I have never given you anything before. What the fuck makes you think that I am going to give you anything today? Did you magically become more pathetic since I saw you yesterday? Believe me, I am not going to give you anything today and I am especially not going to give you anything on the days that you and your girlfriend are sitting together asking for money. She is obviously well fed with that extra 300 pounds she is carrying. Why don’t you just eat her? It makes me sick every time I have to walk past them. Unfortunately, these are not the only people who ask me for money. Everywhere I go, there is some Fucktard with their hand out asking for my money for some stupid reason. It is like I am a magnet for this shit. I certainly don’t look rich and I don’t have any fucking money either, so just piss off. What makes someone go up to a complete stranger and expect them to just give them something because you have some sob story about how you are a big Fucktard and screwed up your life. I was sitting in a CrapDonald’s parking lot the other day eating my lunch while on the way to another office for my JOB, when this Fucktard comes up and knocks on my window asking me for money to buy a hamburger. Who the fuck do you think you are? Do I look like a fucking ATM? I have had children ask me for money to play crane machines in stores (go bother the moron who spawned you), I have had fucking Hari Krishna’s, or some other fucked up religious assholes, ask me to “donate money for” (buy) their prophets stupid book at a rock concert, and I have had other Fucktards come up to me outside a bar asking for money to make a phone call so they can get home. I don’t give a shit about your problem or pathetic life, so quit bothering me. Maybe I should have a sign that says “Fuck off and explode. I don’t have any money either and you don’t see me whining about it”. I can then just wear this around my neck and these dick weeds can leave me alone.

In the past I worked with a girl I call Rainbow Brite. She was a complete drooling fucktard in every way. One of her stupid stunts was that she had to “stick her hand in the cookie jar” constantly.

She’d be given a tool to use for work, a Microsoft Database or an Excel spreadsheet that was pre-made to use. The intention was to organize her stupid ass, and all she had to do was physically input information and then leave it alone. But she was a “picker”, she was “nosy” about shit she didn’t even understand. She actually thought she was smart enough to learn or figure things out so she would start clicking around and making changes. She always wanted to change things to make it HER way rather than what everyone else did/used. Eventually she’d fuck it all up of course. This brilliant action happened CONSTANTLY and for someone who wanted to learn so badly – she never seemed to get the real lesson involved which was “leave it ALONE dumb ass”. This always, as you might guess, created more work for her (because now you have to start all over) and for me. The latter is what pissed me off to no end. If you are such a fucktard that you don’t mind having to do everything twice and wasting weeks of time repairing your stupid mistakes… then fine. But don’t involve ME or anyone else in your nonsense. I’m busy actually working and doing my job you dipshit. Rainbow Brite went away, quit because she got tired of being yelled at for all of HER stupid mistakes. I had a party.

This little story brings me to my current situation. A new receptionist who is VERY part time was brought back after she had created a drama and quit impulsively 2 years ago. If I was the owner I would not take this type of person back, but I don’t have that control so it’s not my choice. So I will make the best of it. She has been back now almost 3 weeks.

This receptionist I will names as The Instigator, because ultimately that’s what she is…. a little bit of a trouble maker. She isn’t by any means stupid, yet she is still fast proving herself to be a fucktard.

We use a special database that gets used as one huge file and it is passed to each receptionist daily as a “live” file. It’s always updated this way and it’s just how we do things. This file contains everything for our business, including payroll information and the exact commissions that our contractors have earned. I almost never have a live file, I use it only to check on things after it is done, because I am the manager… I oversee what they input into it.

Last week the Instigator told me she deleted some files that are in the Administrative area (mine) AFTER she did it. She said it nonchalantly, so I got what she said, but didn’t feel it was a major issue even though I didn’t like it right away. I just felt she was overstepping the line. The next day I got a copy of the updated file and she had deleted tons of shit I had in it, for a reason. I know this is a shock… but sometimes a manager does know what they are doing, sometimes there is a reason they do something.

Of course this created a huge amount of work for me. I had to print out all the old notes, and now I was forced to decide what needed to be returned. Since I don’t have a “live” file I had to impose on another receptionist to replace all these notes. It got fixed, and back to what the MANAGER (me) wanted. I then sent an email to the Instigator explain that she is not to touch the admin area again and my reasons for it. It was polite and I told her it was my fault that I misunderstood it when she told me. I took part of the blame, even though I did nothing wrong. I did not HAVE to explain myself because I am her boss, but I did so that it made sense why she shouldn’t do it again. She of course started to gossip with another receptionist and told her how MEAN I was to her. She took it VERY personally that she fucked up MY job. What an idiot. For me, I laughed, it only made me see her as The Instigator even more.

Last night….. Guess what Instigator did? She started with her nosy picking AGAIN after she was told to knock it off politely. She, like Rainbow Brite, has to mess with shit that they don’t know anything about or the things that do not concern her. The Instigator had to call me on my TIME OFF to confess that she messed with the file and now fucked up payroll for some of the contractors! Again, more time is involved for me to repair the damage that some jack off did. More time I have to impose on another receptionist etc. Leave it ALONE Instigator. Stop it! Quite touching stuff!

The Instigator is NOT a stupid person. She is not a drooling incompetent idiot like Rainbow Brite was. The Instigator is actually a lot SMARTER, but apparently has her own little control issues. Not ALL fucktards are low IQ dummies, some are fucktards in “secret”. Some fucktards are smart people that do fucktarded things. Just stop it damn it.

Why can’t people just do their fucking jobs? Due to the nature of my work, I cannot get into specifics about what I do. Suffice to say that I have a position of some authority and part of the responsibilities of my organization are to assist other companies in troubleshooting certain areas of their work. A couple of weeks ago, I was called in to review a situation at a company and give them a response on what I found. I completed this and sent them a report on what they did incorrectly and gave suggestions on what they could do to correct the issues. I received a response from the person in charge of their company thanking me for doing the review and stating that they would take my suggestions and look at improving what I found to be wrong. This is fine. This is what I expect. This is why I went there in the first place. Since that time, I have received a phone call every day from a variety of Fucktards in this company (who are all lower than the head of the company). If they were calling me to ask for suggestions on how to implement what I told them, or ask for further clarification, this would be fine. This would be part of my job. But No. These Fuckatrds have to call me everyday to whine and complain about everything. An example of some of the things I have had to hear follows:

1. We don’t really agree with how you wrote the report. It makes us look like we did not do anything that we were supposed to. Answer: Well, you didn’t you stupid Fucktard. That’s why I wrote it.

2. We don’t really agree with the way that you looked at everything and how you came to your conclusion. Answer: I don’t care if you agree with it. It is not like I make this shit up on some whim and decide to tell you about it just to fuck with you. It is based on a specific set of rules that any company that does the same work as you has to follow. You know this. It is not new information. Your company has been in business for a long time and you have been in your position for a long time as well. All of your crying and whining about being caught for fucking up to me is not going to change this. I will not suddenly decide that you are right and change all of the rules for you because I like you. You annoy me in other aspects as well already so just deal with it.

3. In looking back at what I told you originally, I don’t think that I put it in the way that I liked and gave my side clearly. Answer: OK….. So what the fuck do you want me to do about that? Is it my fault that you cannot organize yourself and come up with a coherent thought? Is this now supposed to become my problem? I did not tell you what to say, you told me all of this yourself. It came out of your teeny head. I can assure you that incompetence on your part does not constitute a problem on my part. Just because you have had some time to think about it and come up with an explanation as to why you are a dumbass, doesn’t mean I have to listen to it now.

This is just an example of a few of the highly irritating conversations I have had. I have other work to do. I have finished with this situation and have moved on. Just fucking fix it. If you had done your fucking job right in the first place, then we would not have had to go through all of this shit and I would not have to hear your pitiful excuses as to why you couldn’t just do your job. It is because of Fucktards like this that there is a huge dent in the shape of my head on the top of my desk.

I worked with a chick I’ll dub as Rainbow Brite because she is very concerned with calling herself an artist… but not worried that the art she creates is below average. We worked in an independent style business where I was her boss and she didn’t do anything I said. It worked best when I ignored it, but often the fucktard issue couldn’t be ignored.

Which brings me to today’s rant, mainly for the humor factor. It’s been quite a while ago since this happened, but it still can crack me up anytime I think of it. Rainbow Brite had a way of flaunting her stupidity like she was almost proud of it. She’d sometimes like to get into religious or historical discussions and she knew nothing about either. She once told me she couldn’t wait to watch Pearl Harbor so she could learn some history. I said, “Gee Rainbow you know that’s actually fiction right?” and she responded with, “well yeah but I can still learn about history”.

Probably around the time of the Iraq War starting I was explaining to her some of the horrific crimes that Saddam had committed against his own people. She did not know ANY of this, she did not even know where the Middle East WAS. So she listened as I wove her a story as if it were a movie, something she could understand. Her response was… and I am quoting it EXACTLY….

Rainbow Brite: “ooooooh so it’s kinda like… oh, what’s that movie called”?

Vulgar: “um what movie?”.

Rainbow Brite: “oh you know which one I mean”.

Vulgar: “um no I don’t. Tell me some tidbit about it and I’ll probably know”.

Rainbow Brite: “oh what is the name of it? Damnit. The one about the Jewish Times”.

Vulgar: “The JEWISH TIMES? What the hell are you talking about”.

Rainbow Brite” yeah you know the one about the Jewish Times”.

Vulgar: “Rainbow…. Do you mean the HOLOCAUST?”

Rainbow Brite: “that might be it, what else”.

Vulgar: “you mean like World War II? The Holocaust? Was the movie you meant Schindler’s List?”.

Rainbow Brite: “that’s the name of it”.

I kid you not. This is 100% true. The woman was 43 years old and did not know about WWII or the Holocaust…….just a movie.

Ok fucktards. Here is a tip about your manners while in public, because this just truly pisses me off to no end. You go to the grocery store, you get your shopping cart filled, and then go through the check out line. Everything is fine, you may not have even annoyed anyone in the store. But your manners are not done fuck wad. After you load up your piece of shit car… put the SHOPPING CART in the cart return. You know that area with the beams and big sign that says RETURN CART HERE? That’s what it is for. Gawd this annoys me. Don’t leave it at the end either, push it IN as far as you can so others can use the cart return properly too without having to clean up your mess. Why is this so difficult? You probably didn’t mind gobbling up the free samples, asking cashiers and clerks stupid questions, so do the poor staff a favor and help keep their job easier.

Now I am not by any means a “fashionable” type of guy. I have never read GQ or wore any designer clothes that were not bought for me by someone else. I am, however, NOT a Fucktard. This means that I know how to dress in public and can look presentable. In my mind, there are only three rules of fashion and they are:

If you shouldn’t be wearing a belly shirt or tube top – then don’t. Even if you can get away with wearing a tube top – don’t. Here is a reality tip for most of the Fucktards that I see wearing these. No one wants to see your love handles and stretch marks. It is not attractive in the least and just makes everyone want to throw up. For those of you who think you can get away with this because you have larger assets up top – the only reason you have larger assets is because you are fat everywhere else as well. I saw this load the other day walking through town with the front of her shirt pulled up and tucked through her bra. There were mounds of flesh hanging so low that you could not see the waist of her pants through the flubber. It was bouncing up and down when she walked and honestly looked like a jellyfish stranded on a mile wide beach of denim flopping around. After holding my lunch down by gagging several times, it dawned on me that this Fucktard was walking around smiling and holding her dirtbag boyfriend’s hand in public. She was proud of the way she looked. Please, for all of our sakes, before you leave the house look in fucking the mirror. If you can honestly think that you look good with most of your obese body exposed, then you should be shot. This rule applies to men who think that mesh shirts are attractive too. News Flash – they went out in the 70’s with all the other hideous clothes and just make you look like you are trying to smuggle wire brushes under you shirt.

As we are on the subject of men, pull your fucking pants up and buy a belt. I saw this overweight Fucktard today walking down the street holding his pants up because they were drooping so low. Isn’t it bad enough that you have to by 10X already? Do you really need to go that extra mile and get the 15X’s? How are you going to continue to stuff Ho Ho’s in your maw if you have to hold your pants up? Droopy pants are all well and good for the asinine criminals to wear. We all have gotten a good laugh while watching COPS and when some stupid criminal is running away, his pants fall down around his ankles tripping him. I encourage this behavior with criminals. It makes it a lot easier to catch them. For the rest of you Fucktards, you just look stupid.

Finally, and this really pisses me off to no end, FLIP FLOPS ARE NOT SHOES! I am not talking about sandals or a thick-soled open top shoe - I am talking about the $.50 Blue Light K-Mart special foam and plastic shower tongs. As the name implies, these are meant for the SHOWER or the Beach and should not be worn as shoes. Everyday I see these fucking dim-witted nimrods (both men and women) walking around with these in public. It takes all of my will power not to walk over and stomp on their dirt encrusted hairy toes. Wear them at home in your backyard, not in public. When I go into a convenience store I want to get what I wanted to buy and get out. Not look at your feet. Are there no dress codes for work anymore? I work in a large metropolitan city and after parking I walk into my office. Have you ever looked at what on is the street? Everyday I see used bandages, syringes, the spot where some out-of-work shit-faced drunken Fucktard has passed out and either puked or pissed and shit themselves as well as bird shit, spit and general grime. I notice these things because I look at the ground when I am walking to lessen the urge to kill every stupid Fucktard I see. You mental giants with your flip flops on are walking through the same sludge that I do everyday. The only difference is that my SHOES protect my feet from this crap. You are just adding to your already overwhelming cruddiness. Maybe I will get lucky and some plague will come and wash all the scum off the world because it can only be contracted through your toenails.

OK here is something that has always bothered me. Have you ever noticed when there has been a bad car accident (or a motorcycle accident or some Fucktard fulfills their ultimate destiny and falls off of a bridge) that, when they show this on the news, the camera always zooms in on a shoe lying by the side of the road. What the Fuck. Now this is not ever a sandal or penny loafer or other type of shoe that is a slip on – it is always a tennis shoe or work boot or something that you tie. Now I have been in a couple of car accidents in my life, but during each one of these, my shoes have NEVER flown off my feet and magically went out of the window. Yet they are always on the news. My theory is that either the news people carry extra shoes in the vans (or the camera man is standing in his socks) for the purpose of pointing out just how bad this occasion was and how you should feel sorry (which in my mind makes them even bigger Fucktards than the talking heads already are) or Fucktards cannot tie their shoes. Since they cannot tie their shoes (or they can’t figure out which foot they go on so they don’t wear them and leave them on the back seat) they fly off when they do something stupid and hurt someone. In order to cut down on idiots causing bad traffic accidents, you should be able to prove that you can tie your shoes before you can get your license. That way all of the dumbasses who cannot tie their shoes will be off of the road and there will be less problems. There will most likely be very few people on the roads at that point because most of the people that I see are Fucktards in some way. This of course won’t affect the morons who fall off of bridges, but what the hell, this is just natural selection anyway.

The other issue that I have with the news is that whenever something happens, they always pick the most backasswards, toothless shit-for-brains to interview about it. If I wanted to hear an opinion about what occurred, I certainly want to hear it from someone who can put more than three fucking words together in a sentence. I think that the only reason that this happens is because either Cletus is the only one who wants to be on the news, so he can brag to the other Beverly Hillbillys, or they interview people during the day when all Non-Fucktards are doing something useful for society – like working. There is nothing better than a good ol’ out-of-work Fucktard dialog about the state of today’s world and all of its ills. They always have to make a point of saying when someone dies in a drive by shooting that “they were the nicest person” or “they never did anything to anyone” (all language and grammar semi-corrected so that it can be understood in this post of course). WRONG. If they knew you then they were just as big of a Fucktard as you are. It would probably take about ten minutes to find a lot of people who thought that they were a big dickhead and saw it coming. We all know that they wouldn’t have been punished if they hadn’t been doing something wrong. A couple of months ago I was watching a segment on the news where someone had been killed in “accidental” drive by shooting. They showed these two 900 pound women hugging each other and crying. Now I may have found this poignant and it may have touched my callous heart if BOTH of these mammoth behemoths weren’t talking on a cell phone at the same time. HOW FUCKING SHALLOW CAN YOU BE? Here you just lost someone who was supposed to be close to you. You are letting your emotions out on television, and you are calling aunt Bertha to let her know you are on TV. I hate the news.

Ok, I am surrounded daily by fucktards. I try to be patient, but they always manage to fuck up my day with their fucktard ways.

Why is it so hard to follow simple rules? If you can’t work, call someone and tell them you will be out for the day. Not fucktards, they have to use a method that no one else uses and then act like you are the asswipe that did something wrong. They finally get online to contact you 2 hours after they should have been signed on and then use illegible fonts. You tell them that their message is hard to decipher because of the fonts and then they change the color only. Of course, this goes on for about 5 minutes until I just say, just tell me the excuse and I will try to figure out what the message says. After the lame excuse, she then tells me she is an elementary school teacher. God help these kids.

While driving in to work the other day, I was going through a construction zone where they have one side of the road torn up and there is about a 2 foot drop into sand and gravel. As there are some businesses along the other side of the road, there are some pathways through the torn up section so that you can get to them. I see this highly intelligent Fucktard half blocking my lane because he was too fucking stupid to see that there was a huge drop and he tried to drive across the middle of it. He plunged down so that the front of his car was stuck in the sand, the back is on the road and the middle is crunched into the road. Not even ten feet further up the road is the path that the road crews so nicely made for cars to cross over. The best part is that the only place dipshit could have been going is to the adult book store because it is the only building in that particular mile long stretch. I guess all the blood left his head to go to his little peepee and he couldn’t think straight enough to realize there was no road where he was going.

I work in a metropolitan city where I have to sit in traffic on a daily basis after work. Now when I say sit, I don’t mean that I am still the entire time. The traffic moves at 2 miles per hour while stopping and starting frequently. During this time, a lot of minor Fucktards think that they can get ahead faster by weaving in and out of lanes - usually by cutting in front of me or others, and saving maybe 2 minutes off of their time. Anyway, into this urban mess comes the royal Fucktard of the day. This mental giant is on a motorcycle wearing only a tank top, daisy dukes and sandals. She is just begging for skin grafts when someone finally does their god given duty and runs her stupid ass over or she falls off like so many Fucktards do. Anyway, to make matter worse, she decides that she will also play the “lets see how many lanes I can cut through” game. The kicker is that not only is she cutting in and out of lanes, but she’s also driving up the median and up the middle BETWEEN moving cars also cutting in and out of lanes. I know that when she gets squashed everyone will bitch that “no one driving a car looks out for motorcycles on the road” …..WAAAAH. Then some other stupid Fucktard will put one of those crosses on the side of the road for her and more Fucktards will stop to put flowers on them - thereby making MY commute longer as everyone stops to look at it. I don’t hate motorcycles - just the stupid Fucktards who drive them.