Fucktard Rants… Attempting to Put a Stop to Stupidity the World Over because Stupid People Suck!

If you have read any of my previous postings, you may have figured out that there are things that irritate me from time to time. (If you are not a fucktard that is). I saw a gentleman the other day that combined several of my pet peeves all in one. An ultimate combo fucktard if you will. Anyway, I was trudging my way across the bridge to work and trying to block out the world – like I do everyday. In my travels I see a person sitting on the side of the bridge with their little cup sitting in front of them and a sign. Now this is not unusual, and I have written about not wanting to give people my money before. The sign that this gentleman had said “Homeless and Hungry Vietnam Veteran”. Underneath this, the sign said “Get out of Iraq Now”. Now, first of all, it irritates the hell out of me when someone tries to push their political or religious beliefs off on me and it irritates me even more so that this was coming from some douchebag begging me for money. You can’t get a job and you think that I want to hear your opinion on anything? Before any of the veterans get upset with me because they feel that I wouldn’t understand the sentiment without having been there, let me finish my story. Then we’ll see who the fucktard was. Anyway I am looking at this guy and his sign and notice something that seems off about the situation. I look closer and then it hits me. The fucktard looks to be in his late thirties MAYBE early forties. (For those of you who may not understand what I mean (read Fucktard) he would have had to been under 5 to have been in Vietnam.) So now I have a lying, politics spouting, unemployed shit rag begging me for money. But wait, there’s more. The story gets even better. In my examination of him, I originally thought that he was sitting there holding his head in his hands. In looking closer (only looking mind you, because if I actually moved closer the smell would have killed me), I discovered that he has not holding his head in his hands, he was, in fact…Talking on a cell phone! So now we have I have a lying, politics spouting, unemployed shit rag begging me for money and talking on a cell phone in public. The Ultimate Combo Fucktard.

However, this got me thinking. Why would a bum need a cell phone? Who is he going to call? Other bums? Obviously he is not calling work – maybe he is calling his family. But then, if he has some family to call on the phone, why doesn’t he do something like, I don’t know, live with them or ask them for money or food. Then I thought that maybe instead of paying the monthly bill, he could just buy food. I also started thinking that maybe I could start a business where I would trade food for the left over minutes that all the bums with cell phones had at the end of the month and resell them for a profit to all of the other fucktards who have to jabber constantly on a phone. But I digress. Then figured that he may have a good idea. I mean after all, if someone needs to get in contact with him, his best option would be a cell phone. It is pretty certain that they could not call his house and leave a message.

Where I work you don’t have to give any kind of explanation on why you need a day off or what’s ailing you, just make sure you call in.

Well, normal people understand this, but NOT FUCKTARDS. Not only can they not even call in on time and sometimes not at all they have to tell you every piece of drama that is going on in their life.

First of all, I don’t give a shit. We are not family, friends…hell I don’t even like you.

I have put off this rant about a certain co-worker long enough. She called in tonight, 45 minutes late, and preceeded to cough in my ear and then go on and on about all of her illnesses. “I am sorry I am late, but I have been having breathing problems.” I am asthmatic and I am insulin dependent diabetic. Of course she was just getting home from somewhere and it wasn’t the hospital. Maybe her mother, the one that has Alzheimer’s, was driving her home from some shindig. Yes, her mother drives them places. That’s a scary thought. If it’s not her health it’s that she is doing something for her elderly mother with Alzheimer’s. She has to let us know that every fucking time she calls off also. All I know is my mother, whom I love with all my heart, is a terrible driver now. I sure wouldn’t get in the car with her if she had Alzheimer’s.

BTW, the jobs we do do not require any physical activity what-so-ever.

On a continual basis I get bombarded by people wanting to sell me crap to support their kids. It used to be mostly subs or pizza, but this has now expanded into cookie dough, wrapping paper, candy, ornaments, and a variety of other useless junk that I don’t need. I don’t want to buy crappy wrapping paper because your junior Fucktard joined some organization or their school wants to suck more money out of me. I already pay taxes to support your spawn in going to school, why do I need to pay more? Most of the teachers that I see are way overpaid for the poor work that they are doing anyway. What other job can you be a complete and utter Fucktard and still not be able to lose it because you have tenure? Before you get all up in arms, there are some good teachers out there, but like the rest of the population most are Fucktards. Anyway, back to my not wanting to buy your crap. If you want your child to be in some activity, then YOU pay for it. Being involved in activities is not a right your child has. It should be earned by them and paid for by you. Maybe if you stopped getting them involved in all these activities and taught them some fucking manners, there would be less Fucktards in the world to piss me off. I guess that would mean you would have to stop being a Fucktarded parent as well and I just don’t see that happening. Do you? What also irritates me is when these Fucktards act offended because I say “NO” and tell them I won’t buy the junk. Pleading with me that it is for your child’s sake has absolutely no meaning to me. I don’t like you much to begin with and I surely don’t think your snot-faced pride and joy is cute. I can’t seem to get away from this. If it isn’t one of my Fucktarded family members asking for my money, it is someone at work or someone sitting outside of a store trying to get me to buy more shit from them. Why do you think I went to the STORE? I know I would be a lot happier if these Fucktards just left me alone.

I don’t know about anyone else, but this Christmas shit just pisses me off. What the fuck happened to every other holiday after the 4^th of July? You used to have distinctive holiday seasons and could look forward to each one. Ever since the middle of September, however, I have seen Christmas crap in all of the stores. You go into any store now and there is a smaller display of Halloween items (which is the best holiday of the year. Where else can you look into fucktard’s houses and see what they have without being arrested?) next to a huge display of Christmas things. It is not even winter yet and everyone is looking forward to the biggest Fucktard day of the year. I say that this is a fucktard day because Christmas is just one big swap meet where the winner is the one the gives out the least and gets the most back. Just because I have decided not to spawn like so many people do, I end up losing more and more every year. My sisters and brother have a bunch of dirt-faced rugrats now. Every year I now have to buy something for some new little fucktard-in-training and receive the same shitty amount for a gift from the rest of them (if I get a gift at all). Then, these shitheads don’t have the common courtesy to make the little bastards even say Thank You. This has gone on for years and suddenly I am the asshole because I don’t want to participate in this crap anymore. I get told that I should “just be a good uncle”. Fuck that. Just because you cannot control your hormones doesn’t mean I should have to pay for it. Before any of you fucktards try to pull the “Well you should just remember the reason for the season” bullshit, just shut up. Think about this. Isn’t it amazing that your holiday for Santachrist happens to fall at the same time as many other religious holidays (most of which are far older than yours). So, if I am to celebrate the true reason for the season, it probably won’t be with your religion and you should keep your zealot-ism to yourself. Why can’t we have a holiday where all the fucktards stay home and don’t irritate me for six months instead. That would be the best Christmas gift that I could ever have.

Oprah did a show on Friday about “Mom’s Who Can’t Say No”. That was the title of the episode but it should have been “Stop Being a Fucktard Parent”. It was about how spoiling our children is actually bad for them. The experts said that giving them everything they want makes them feel entitled, causes children not to appreciate things, makes them have no work ethic, and that it ruins their lives.

Hello? Do people have their brains on at all? No fucking shit. Why does Oprah have to even explain this to anyone? This was real, this had to be an actual Oprah lesson because so many fucktards keep reproducing yet have no clue how to create a good thoughtful productive human being. What killed me is there were working professional articulate parents that were destroying their kids and they were acting as if they had no idea! Do people realize it takes more skill then FUCKING to be a parent?

I am almost 37 years old, my mother used to lecture me on a “bad” behavior and when she did she told me “it was for my own good”. She told me that when I grew up I’d understand and be a better person for it when she had to punish me. I can’t believe my mother actually wanted me to grow up and do right by society, by her, by my own friends and family.

What the hell is wrong with people that we have to watch a tv talk show to tell us how make our kids generous people instead of selfish ones? Have we lost all common sense in the United States? Now all we need is a talk show to tell the people “if you are a fucktard then don’t have children”. And truthfully that would solve the problem too.

There are actually times that Fucktards amuse me instead of pissing me off. Since this is extremely rare, I thought I would relate an incident that occurred a couple of months ago that was one of the funniest things that I ever saw. As you can tell by the title, this does involve a naked Fucktard. Now, this person was definitely not someone that I would ever want to willingly see naked, but it was such a treat given the circumstance that I can forgive that. So the story goes… Fucktard was in a convenience store in the middle of the city that I work in and she shoplifts a bag of peanuts (go figure – the elephant steals peanuts). The clerk then confronts her about it and she (of course) retaliates by yelling and screaming at the clerk. Somehow in the midst of this VERBAL altercation, Fucktard manages to lose ALL of her clothes. I am talking everything from shirt and pants to underwear and socks/shoes. She is buck naked. Then she runs out of the store and into the street (again – downtown in a fairly large metropolitan city on a very busy intersection) and proceeds to continue to yell and scream at the clerk inside the store while jumping up and down like one of those tribal scenes that you used to able to see in National Geographic. If she only had a bone through her nose, it would have been perfect. Since there is a fire station next to the convenience store, the EMT’s come out and are standing around her talking to her. Cue me trudging in on my way to work. I come around the corner and see this scene. I just have to stop for a moment and watch. It is not often that you see a hippopotamus naked in the street. After watching for a while, I have to go to work (because I am a responsible person) and continue to my office (which is up one block and down another). As I come down to the front of my building, I see Fucktard running down the street like a rhino crossing the Serengeti. She has managed to put her shirt back on, but nothing else. Even more amusing is the picture of a skinny little EMT running along behind her holding her pants out in front of him for her to take like a baton in a rely race. I almost shit myself. Seconds later there are police swarming the area in an attempt to hunt down this wild beast. Now, instead of only being questioned for shoplifting (a relatively minor offense) Fucktard now faces charges of public indecency and resisting arrest. I found out later that to top it off, once the police finished their safari (I am sure they had to shoot her with several tranquilizer darts) and captured her they hauled her off to the local loony bin. So now she is naked and crazy. I have always wondered why crazy people get naked in the strangest places. If every Fucktard could be amusing like this one instead of stupid and irritating, I would not mind having so many of them in the world.

9/11 is a day we all remember, and on the anniversary of such a tragic event, I thought I’d celebrate some stupidity I was exposed to at the time. This is a Rainbow Brite post, she is listed in the Hall of Fame by me for her fucktard sensibilities. I knew her for about 10 years, and each day she became dumber.

So the story of idiocy begins….

Unless you are an idiot you know what happened 9/11/01. That’s not my story. The night of September 11^th I couldn’t sleep, I live very close to the Pennsylvania crash site, so it was on my mind specifically. I felt scared, sad, worried, angry etc etc just like every other American. In fact, there was also a great feeling of pride in America and the only positive thing I can say about the event itself is that we all did appreciate our American Pride a bit more. I know I did at least, and I felt the need the next day to put out an American flag. It was something I did not own, which made me realize I should have one.

I spoke to fucktard Rainbow Brite on the phone, expressed this need to her and she said “that’s a good idea. I know it is dummy, it came from me… not you of course. So as always she need to attach herself to my shirt tails and said she wanted to go with me. She even volunteered to drive.

Now let’s review something about Rainbow Brite and her automobiles. In the years I knew her she only owned one beyond the year 1990, and she only got it about 2 years ago. Her and her husband bought junkers, because “ a new car is a waste of money”, as opposed to the hundreds of dollars per year they were sinking into these used pieces of shit. And yes of course they were getting ripped off by buying cars that the very minute they drove away from the sale… they broke down. It literally did happen and still they never learned that maybe they were not smart car shoppers, and that they were always jumping from one frying pan into another.

So, dear Rainbow Brite in her Granny junker pulled clunking loudly into my driveway. I got in the car with the door that wouldn’t lock, and off we went listening to her 8-track tapes. Rainbow, the fucktard, as you might assume is not a great driver. She tends to have a very short attention span, she looks at something as you pass it and begins to swerve all over the road. You have to remind her to look at the road again. She tends to look at her surroundings more than the road ahead. Highway driving was scary and I always interrupted her childish “ooooh lookie over there” comments. I also used a seat belt if the junker even had one.

This particular trip I felt wasn’t such a big deal. We were going about 2 miles away to a specific shop. There was little traffic, people were just not out and a person slowly passed us in the turning lane literally one block from my house. I saw a guy, possibly of Arabic descent from the corner of my eye, while Rainbow turned away completely to look as he passed. I knew a stupid comment was coming.

She SLAMMED on the brakes in the middle of the road.

“I swear to God that guy had a gun Vulgar” she shouts at me.

“Shut up and drive, quit being a paranoid retard”, I answered.

Do you believe it? It’s the honest truth. I could not make this shit up. It was your standard stupid fucktard thing that every Arab is “guilty” and yet it was only 24 hours later so we did not have full proof of who had officially caused the whole thing yet. It totally pissed me off. She started driving again.

We heard an obvious helicopter overhead not more than 8 feet later down the road. She SLAMMED on the brakes again…… and looked UP and out the window as if it was going to fall from the sky or crash into something. It was so obvious that the helicopter was going to, or coming from the crash site, as I mentioned earlier - we lived near it. Ok, well… obvious to anyone who wasn’t a fucktard. Rainbow asked me why it was up there since all flights were shut down etc. Like I said, obvious to anyone who wasn’t a fucktard…. So I had to explain it.

“oooooooooooh yeah, that makes sense”.

Yes Rainbow, it does make sense, to anyone with COMMON SENSE and half a brain. It’s just that we don’t all need it explained to us by people who are 10 years our junior. Yes, she is also that much older than me. I wasn’t sure whether I should slap her, or run screaming from the car. But I really did want to get to the shop.

She asked me after we got our flags if I wanted to go to lunch or something. But I had met my fucktard limit already and I needed to go home, where sanity prevailed.

This event with Rainbow will remain etched forever in my head as a part of the horror on September 11^th. The horror of her stupidity, immaturity, and ignorance still linger in my head each year.

Why is it that I have to have Fucktards on a daily basis attempt to show me just how cool they are? They do this by turning their car stereo up as loud as they can. You used to only have to worry about the idiots carrying their big boom boxes around before, now I run into at least two Fucktards doing this every day. I have a radio in my own car, I do not need to hear the crap that you are listening to. I don’t know what it sounds like inside your car, but from the outside it sounds like a very fuzzy deep bass and parts of your shitbox rattling with the beat. I am not impressed with you, I am annoyed. No one else is impressed with you either. I don’t even think the other Fucktards are impressed, but I could be wrong. You never know with Fucktards. My grandfather used to turn his radio up very loud too. This is because he was DEAF, not because he was a Fucktard like you. I may not even be quite as annoyed if I ever heard one of these dick holes play any decent music (or actual music at all). But no, it is always some skinny little dork bee-bopping in his car to gangster rap. I mean come on. Look at you. Not only do you have lousy taste in music, but you have no concept of how pathetic you really are. Try getting a personality transplant if you want to be cool. Turning your radio up as loud as it can go is just not working for you. I guess that is why I always see these nimrods alone or with a group of other male Fucktards who are just as big of losers. Maybe if you lost the stupidity, you might actually be with a GIRL on a weekend night instead of alone with your rattling car.

I was at the grocery store this past weekend and saw an incident that completely disgusted me. After shopping for a while, I had to sit down. This is because you cannot have just a simple grocery store anymore, but everything has to be a super-megaopolis shopping mecca. While these stores are now all huge, they still don’t seem to carry anything that I happen to like, or they discontinue carrying it in a very short time. I can, however, buy any amount of sugar coated sugar cubes dipped in chocolate with sprinkles on top breakfast cereal that I want. But I digress, back to the incident. Since I am tired of walking around, I want to sit down. In this store there is an area set up like a café with tables and chairs in between the bakery and the deli. I sit on one of the chairs while my wife goes and looks for something that she wants in this area. While sitting there, I watch as this old couple goes up to the self-serve donut area and prepare to get some donuts. You would think that given their age, they would have been taught some manners at some point, but not these Fucktards. While the woman holds open the bag, the man starts to get some donuts. Is he using one of those nifty disposable plastic gloves? Is he using those handily placed tongs? No. He reaches in with his Ben Gay and Feces encrusted hands and starts handling all of the donuts to pick what they want. If this was not bad enough, Geriatric Man suffers an arthritic spasm and drops one of the donuts he has picked onto the floor. Any normal person would have left this there or threw it in the garbage. Fucktarded people do what he did. HE PICKS THE DONUT UP AND PUTS IT BACK IN THE CASE! Then picks up the donut next to the one that was on the floor and puts it in the bag. Do you think his wife said anything to him? No, she looks to see if there are any store employees to see him and gives him the nod when the coast is clear. I already know that things like this happen and if you saw how any of the food you eat was prepared, you would stop eating. But give me prepackaged, full of preservatives, food any day. This way I know the only Fucktard that has handled my food was at the packaging plant and I can put that out of my mind.

I don’t know about you Fucktards, but I was taught at a very young age (i.e. Kindergarten) how to stay between the lines. You had to stay between the lines when coloring a picture as well as stay between the lines on the paper when you were writing and practicing your alphabet or spelling. Somewhere after this, Fucktards lose the ability to stay between the lines (if they ever learned how in the first place). I can give you two examples of this.

When I worked at a past job, I used to have to drive through a low income housing apartment area a lot. This is one of those fun places that have a mixture of townhouses and apartments and always have such great pretentious names like Holiday Acres or Suburban Estates. Anyway, I am driving through here and this large woman, with her six or seven illegitimate children, steps out into the middle of the road in front of my car – thus forcing me to come to a sudden stop. She immediately starts flapping her arms and squawking about my needing to slow down (I had just turned a corner from a stop sign and was doing maybe 20 MPH) and to watch out for her children. Now, when did this become my duty? Just because the government forces me to pay to support your spawn, it does not mean that I automatically then have to take the responsibility of watching out for and protecting them. That falls squarely onto your fat, government-issue cheese eating, Fucktarded shoulders. And possible one of the multitude of baby-daddies associated with you. Unless they have all taken off already. Anyway, here is this barnacle on society jumping up and down in the middle of road and babbling incoherently, although colorfully, and pointing at a sign by the sidewalk. Amongst the ranting, I make out the words to the effect of “can’t you read?” Yes I can. I have been able to read for a very long time and can clearly make out that the sign says “Yield to Pedestrians in the Crosswalk”. Do you know what the word Crosswalk means Fucktard? I don’t know where you, the reader, lives, but where I live most crosswalks are at the corner of the street. Whether they are at the corner or not, every one that I have ever seen is CLEARLY and DISTINCTLY marked with big white or white and yellow lines. This means that it is safe to cross the street here. That large expanse of unmarked pavement is a FUCKING ROAD. This has been designed for AUTOMOBILES. It is not safe to decide to cross this part and expect people that are driving to have to accommodate you. That would be the thinking of a Fucktard.

Today I watched this really fucking intelligent asswipe try to do a similar thing. I have told you that I work in a large metropolitan city and walk into my job everyday. Many other people also walk in. Most of the time, you have to cross streets. A lot of these streets are 4 or 5 lane roads with a large amount of traffic. This means that when you cross, you have to watch out for many drivers, as well as busses and it is probably the smart (and safer) idea to cross at the crosswalk when the lights are with you. This does not seem to be the case for Fucktards though. They think they can just walk across wherever they feel like. This shit head walks out into the middle of traffic to cross the road and almost gets hit twice. He actually stood there in the middle of the road with a shocked expression on his slack jawed face, unable to believe that this almost happened. He even whined once he had made it across the street that he was almost run over. Could you honestly not see that coming Nostradumbass? How about this one then. Can you predict whether you should be punched in the back of the head or have a foot shoved up your ass? Please, if you are a Fucktard, go back to your kindergarten teachings and try to learn something. Either that or don’t complain when someone does their duty and flattens you under a bus.

Listen up Fucktards. This is a necessary announcement that someone may have never told you. YOU ARE NOT THAT FUCKING IMPORTANT. The world does not revolve around you. What you say will not ultimately show any improvement in the social fabric or life on this earth in general. Since you now know this, this means that you can shut the fuck up and quit talking on a cell phone to any other Fucktard every second of your life – no matter where you are. Unless you are the leader of a nation or otherwise have to make important life or death situations at a moments notice, you do not have to be able to be contacted 24 hours a day by any butt-reaming dipshit that knows you. Now, let me point out that I do own a cell phone. I use it for work. When I am not working, my cell phone sits on a desk in my home. When I am not working, I do not take it with me to places such as the store, the movies, the park, driving in my car, etc. Basically I do not take it anyplace where if it happens to ring, I do not talk on it about my inconsequential life and what mundane thing that I happen to be doing at the time to any other Fucktard who happened to want to talk to me, so that every other person in the immediate area can also hear about my pitiful existence. This is because I am not a Fucktard. Far be it for you Fucktards to go away and talk somewhere that you cannot be overheard. No, you think that you are that important that the rest of the world needs to accommodate you. You then expect people to give you some privacy when you are talking on the phone. In case you did not know it, the definition of the word PUBLIC is the complete opposite of PRIVATE. If you want to talk in private, go somewhere that you can do so – like your own fucking home. That way you don’t annoy the rest of the world in public who can get along just fine without hearing how you can’t decide if skim or 2% milk is better or that your friend’s sister’s neighbor said something that you didn’t like. I was at a video store looking to rent a movie when this Fucktard was in the same aisle as me talking on a cell phone about the movies that were available to some other Fucktard. Every time I moved away from them, they would follow me into the next aisle and stand right next to me. This chattering magpie then seemed to get annoyed when I started making loud disgusted noises because I was interrupting HER phone conversation. Get off your fat ass and come down to the video store to look at movies yourself if you want to watch one. Don’t send the loudest fucking moron to tell you what is available. Better yet, all of you just stay home so I don’t have to hear from any of you. That way, you can take any call you want from any other Fucktard in their home and not disturb anyone. The same goes for driving. There are laws against talking on a phone while driving for a reason. That is because you Fucktards cannot walk and think at the same time, so what makes you think you can talk on a phone and drive at the same time? I guess you were walking when that bright idea hit and you couldn’t pay attention at the time. Since there were a lot of words in between my first statement and now, and whenever you learn something new, something old falls out of your pointed little heads, let me reiterate - YOU ARE NOT THAT FUCKING IMPORTANT. The world does not revolve around you. What you say will not ultimately show any improvement in the social fabric or life on this earth in general. Since you now know this again, this means that you can shut the fuck up and quit talking on a cell phone to other Fucktards every second of your life – no matter where you are. Take this as a mantra. Repeat it to yourself many, many times. Hopefully one day it will sink in through the sludge you call your brain.

Ok fucktards. Here is a tip about your manners while in public, because this just truly pisses me off to no end. You go to the grocery store, you get your shopping cart filled, and then go through the check out line. Everything is fine, you may not have even annoyed anyone in the store. But your manners are not done fuck wad. After you load up your piece of shit car… put the SHOPPING CART in the cart return. You know that area with the beams and big sign that says RETURN CART HERE? That’s what it is for. Gawd this annoys me. Don’t leave it at the end either, push it IN as far as you can so others can use the cart return properly too without having to clean up your mess. Why is this so difficult? You probably didn’t mind gobbling up the free samples, asking cashiers and clerks stupid questions, so do the poor staff a favor and help keep their job easier.

Ok another one of my pet peeves is the way fucktarded people in your life make assumptions about what you do, what your motivation is, and yet they never even ask. I worked with a fucktard (Rainbow Brite) for years that constantly made assumptions. We were once good friends until I could longer handle the ridiculousness. Anyway here is a sample of one of those conversations….

Vulgar says: “Yes my goal with the blog on our business website is to make sure it has fresh content which gets us more exposure, and listed on more directories”.

Fucktard says: “oooooh I ASSumed you were just doing it cuz you were just thinking up more work to do and I can’t handle all that”.

If you happen to be a fucktard and your boss or work associate asks you to do something… anything, there is probably a very logical reason. If the scope of your thinking is so narrow to imagine that people invent work for literally no reason then you may need to see a shrink for more then “just a consultation”. And good grief if you really don’t know, then ASK a simple question. Because if you ASSUME then you’ll make an ASS out of U and Me… but mainly YOU.

Now I am not by any means a “fashionable” type of guy. I have never read GQ or wore any designer clothes that were not bought for me by someone else. I am, however, NOT a Fucktard. This means that I know how to dress in public and can look presentable. In my mind, there are only three rules of fashion and they are:

If you shouldn’t be wearing a belly shirt or tube top – then don’t. Even if you can get away with wearing a tube top – don’t. Here is a reality tip for most of the Fucktards that I see wearing these. No one wants to see your love handles and stretch marks. It is not attractive in the least and just makes everyone want to throw up. For those of you who think you can get away with this because you have larger assets up top – the only reason you have larger assets is because you are fat everywhere else as well. I saw this load the other day walking through town with the front of her shirt pulled up and tucked through her bra. There were mounds of flesh hanging so low that you could not see the waist of her pants through the flubber. It was bouncing up and down when she walked and honestly looked like a jellyfish stranded on a mile wide beach of denim flopping around. After holding my lunch down by gagging several times, it dawned on me that this Fucktard was walking around smiling and holding her dirtbag boyfriend’s hand in public. She was proud of the way she looked. Please, for all of our sakes, before you leave the house look in fucking the mirror. If you can honestly think that you look good with most of your obese body exposed, then you should be shot. This rule applies to men who think that mesh shirts are attractive too. News Flash – they went out in the 70’s with all the other hideous clothes and just make you look like you are trying to smuggle wire brushes under you shirt.

As we are on the subject of men, pull your fucking pants up and buy a belt. I saw this overweight Fucktard today walking down the street holding his pants up because they were drooping so low. Isn’t it bad enough that you have to by 10X already? Do you really need to go that extra mile and get the 15X’s? How are you going to continue to stuff Ho Ho’s in your maw if you have to hold your pants up? Droopy pants are all well and good for the asinine criminals to wear. We all have gotten a good laugh while watching COPS and when some stupid criminal is running away, his pants fall down around his ankles tripping him. I encourage this behavior with criminals. It makes it a lot easier to catch them. For the rest of you Fucktards, you just look stupid.

Finally, and this really pisses me off to no end, FLIP FLOPS ARE NOT SHOES! I am not talking about sandals or a thick-soled open top shoe - I am talking about the $.50 Blue Light K-Mart special foam and plastic shower tongs. As the name implies, these are meant for the SHOWER or the Beach and should not be worn as shoes. Everyday I see these fucking dim-witted nimrods (both men and women) walking around with these in public. It takes all of my will power not to walk over and stomp on their dirt encrusted hairy toes. Wear them at home in your backyard, not in public. When I go into a convenience store I want to get what I wanted to buy and get out. Not look at your feet. Are there no dress codes for work anymore? I work in a large metropolitan city and after parking I walk into my office. Have you ever looked at what on is the street? Everyday I see used bandages, syringes, the spot where some out-of-work shit-faced drunken Fucktard has passed out and either puked or pissed and shit themselves as well as bird shit, spit and general grime. I notice these things because I look at the ground when I am walking to lessen the urge to kill every stupid Fucktard I see. You mental giants with your flip flops on are walking through the same sludge that I do everyday. The only difference is that my SHOES protect my feet from this crap. You are just adding to your already overwhelming cruddiness. Maybe I will get lucky and some plague will come and wash all the scum off the world because it can only be contracted through your toenails.

Ok, I am surrounded daily by fucktards. I try to be patient, but they always manage to fuck up my day with their fucktard ways.

Why is it so hard to follow simple rules? If you can’t work, call someone and tell them you will be out for the day. Not fucktards, they have to use a method that no one else uses and then act like you are the asswipe that did something wrong. They finally get online to contact you 2 hours after they should have been signed on and then use illegible fonts. You tell them that their message is hard to decipher because of the fonts and then they change the color only. Of course, this goes on for about 5 minutes until I just say, just tell me the excuse and I will try to figure out what the message says. After the lame excuse, she then tells me she is an elementary school teacher. God help these kids.

I work with two major fucktards, the kind that aren’t only stupid but have bad attitudes toward everyone else more intelligent then them (which is basically everyone). So today Miss Sunshine (the bigger fuck up) loses her phone connection. We’re IN a business where we ANSWER phones, it was kinda important to have hers working, and this isn’t the first time it’s happened. It’s not even the 98^th time it’s happened, we’re talking triple digits. So, ok fucktard… again… I’ll do your damn job for you, but don’t think I won’t TRY to get revenge by making sure you aren’t paid. And she does think she will get paid, she feels entitled to it and that every damn mistake she makes is perfectly ok. But don’t dare tell her so, or she gets all sweaty angry and begin to flap her slack jawed mouth back at you. It’s hard to even fight back when you can’t understand Fucktardian language, you spend a lot of time scratching your head wondering what the hell she means. Sometimes two or three people have to decipher it and by then she’s long gone… if she isn’t wearing her government issued ankle bracelet and on house arrest or something.

So back to today’s drama. Miss Sunshine took about 40 minutes to figure out that her phone wire was bent, twisted, and destroyed. Most of us know that when the phone isn’t ringing that there can only be a few reasons why. But she did thank me for doing her job for her, at last minute notice when I had other shit to do of my own. How nice of her.

Then I had to talk to her about why she had issues with the other receptionist. Since fucktards always come out of la-la land with their fists up – it can be a bit dangerous to approach one. Carefully I brought up the subject. Quick! Tell her she isn’t in trouble before the stupidity and blame begins to flow! Ok so it all boils down to the fact that Miss Sunshine feels like everyone should be friends and ask her how her life is. She feels all we talk to each other about is work and that no one asks how her snot faced kid is. I guess the point is lost to her, which is after you are late a million times, cause trouble, mouth off to everyone, and fuck up constantly most people you work with kinda don’t care about you. Gee maybe they even begin to dislike you, duh. Good one fucktard – all we care about is avoiding you.

If she could collect disability for her stupidity she wouldn’t have to work at all and we’d all be much happier.