Fucktard Rants… Attempting to Put a Stop to Stupidity the World Over because Stupid People Suck!

If you have read any of my previous postings, you may have figured out that there are things that irritate me from time to time. (If you are not a fucktard that is). I saw a gentleman the other day that combined several of my pet peeves all in one. An ultimate combo fucktard if you will. Anyway, I was trudging my way across the bridge to work and trying to block out the world – like I do everyday. In my travels I see a person sitting on the side of the bridge with their little cup sitting in front of them and a sign. Now this is not unusual, and I have written about not wanting to give people my money before. The sign that this gentleman had said “Homeless and Hungry Vietnam Veteran”. Underneath this, the sign said “Get out of Iraq Now”. Now, first of all, it irritates the hell out of me when someone tries to push their political or religious beliefs off on me and it irritates me even more so that this was coming from some douchebag begging me for money. You can’t get a job and you think that I want to hear your opinion on anything? Before any of the veterans get upset with me because they feel that I wouldn’t understand the sentiment without having been there, let me finish my story. Then we’ll see who the fucktard was. Anyway I am looking at this guy and his sign and notice something that seems off about the situation. I look closer and then it hits me. The fucktard looks to be in his late thirties MAYBE early forties. (For those of you who may not understand what I mean (read Fucktard) he would have had to been under 5 to have been in Vietnam.) So now I have a lying, politics spouting, unemployed shit rag begging me for money. But wait, there’s more. The story gets even better. In my examination of him, I originally thought that he was sitting there holding his head in his hands. In looking closer (only looking mind you, because if I actually moved closer the smell would have killed me), I discovered that he has not holding his head in his hands, he was, in fact…Talking on a cell phone! So now we have I have a lying, politics spouting, unemployed shit rag begging me for money and talking on a cell phone in public. The Ultimate Combo Fucktard.

However, this got me thinking. Why would a bum need a cell phone? Who is he going to call? Other bums? Obviously he is not calling work – maybe he is calling his family. But then, if he has some family to call on the phone, why doesn’t he do something like, I don’t know, live with them or ask them for money or food. Then I thought that maybe instead of paying the monthly bill, he could just buy food. I also started thinking that maybe I could start a business where I would trade food for the left over minutes that all the bums with cell phones had at the end of the month and resell them for a profit to all of the other fucktards who have to jabber constantly on a phone. But I digress. Then figured that he may have a good idea. I mean after all, if someone needs to get in contact with him, his best option would be a cell phone. It is pretty certain that they could not call his house and leave a message.

I have a rant about cashiers at grocery stores. It’s simple, just 2 things: stopping looking at my stuff, and stop talking to me. Now let’s review.

I do my shopping on Saturdays during my day off. I have been waiting in line behind several fucktards to get out of the store, and they have probably pissed me off. I am now exhausted from the whole shopping experience and I am in a hurry when I finally get up to the register. Ring up my stuff and pack the damn bags. Don’t leisurely look through my groceries reading what each item is. And God help you if you ask me about it. If looks could kill, you’d be in deep shit. Do your shopping on your own time and quit using my purchases as a new means to product discovery! My groceries do not want your cruddy money touching germy hands all over them while you study them. Oh, and forget about making stupid jokes. I don’t want to hear about your day either. My favorite cashiers are the ones who keep their eyes on the register, work quickly, and keep their mouths shut.

On a consistent basis I am assaulted by stupid Fucktards asking me for money. I am not referring to the constant requests around the office and by my family to put in for someone’s birthday, upcoming wedding, upcoming birth, retirement, etc (although this irritates the fuck out of me too). I am referring to the lazy shit for brains Fucktards that sit on the bridge when I walk past with a cup and expect me to give them change. I understand that sometimes people become homeless and cannot make ends meet. This happens. This is what I pay into welfare for and why shelters exist. This is not a license for you to pester me on a daily basis to give you my money. I work for a living. Get off your lazy ass and get a fucking job. I park on the outskirts of the city I work in and then walk across a bridge to get to my office. I do this because I am trying to save some of the money I WORK for and the parking is cheaper. Almost everyday I see one of three different people who sit on the bridge and hold out a cup to people walking by. Amazingly they all hold the same sign. If you can spend the money on a black magic marker to make your fucking sign, then use that to spend on some food. The funny thing is that I only see them on warm, sunny days. Where do they go when it is cold or raining? Why the fuck don’t they go there all the time? It appears that they can find somewhere when the weather is not good, why can’t they find somewhere permanently to live? I may actually be willing to part with $.50 if you were sitting in the snow. You may think I am ignorant, but I have seen these same three people for a few years sitting in the same spots. You can’t find a fucking job in YEARS? You think it is my responsibility to carry your lazy ass? I find it sort of amusing that almost every time I walk past them, they ask for my help by giving them my spare change. Now, I have been walking past you for years and I have never given you anything before. What the fuck makes you think that I am going to give you anything today? Did you magically become more pathetic since I saw you yesterday? Believe me, I am not going to give you anything today and I am especially not going to give you anything on the days that you and your girlfriend are sitting together asking for money. She is obviously well fed with that extra 300 pounds she is carrying. Why don’t you just eat her? It makes me sick every time I have to walk past them. Unfortunately, these are not the only people who ask me for money. Everywhere I go, there is some Fucktard with their hand out asking for my money for some stupid reason. It is like I am a magnet for this shit. I certainly don’t look rich and I don’t have any fucking money either, so just piss off. What makes someone go up to a complete stranger and expect them to just give them something because you have some sob story about how you are a big Fucktard and screwed up your life. I was sitting in a CrapDonald’s parking lot the other day eating my lunch while on the way to another office for my JOB, when this Fucktard comes up and knocks on my window asking me for money to buy a hamburger. Who the fuck do you think you are? Do I look like a fucking ATM? I have had children ask me for money to play crane machines in stores (go bother the moron who spawned you), I have had fucking Hari Krishna’s, or some other fucked up religious assholes, ask me to “donate money for” (buy) their prophets stupid book at a rock concert, and I have had other Fucktards come up to me outside a bar asking for money to make a phone call so they can get home. I don’t give a shit about your problem or pathetic life, so quit bothering me. Maybe I should have a sign that says “Fuck off and explode. I don’t have any money either and you don’t see me whining about it”. I can then just wear this around my neck and these dick weeds can leave me alone.

In the past I worked with a girl I call Rainbow Brite. She was a complete drooling fucktard in every way. One of her stupid stunts was that she had to “stick her hand in the cookie jar” constantly.

She’d be given a tool to use for work, a Microsoft Database or an Excel spreadsheet that was pre-made to use. The intention was to organize her stupid ass, and all she had to do was physically input information and then leave it alone. But she was a “picker”, she was “nosy” about shit she didn’t even understand. She actually thought she was smart enough to learn or figure things out so she would start clicking around and making changes. She always wanted to change things to make it HER way rather than what everyone else did/used. Eventually she’d fuck it all up of course. This brilliant action happened CONSTANTLY and for someone who wanted to learn so badly – she never seemed to get the real lesson involved which was “leave it ALONE dumb ass”. This always, as you might guess, created more work for her (because now you have to start all over) and for me. The latter is what pissed me off to no end. If you are such a fucktard that you don’t mind having to do everything twice and wasting weeks of time repairing your stupid mistakes… then fine. But don’t involve ME or anyone else in your nonsense. I’m busy actually working and doing my job you dipshit. Rainbow Brite went away, quit because she got tired of being yelled at for all of HER stupid mistakes. I had a party.

This little story brings me to my current situation. A new receptionist who is VERY part time was brought back after she had created a drama and quit impulsively 2 years ago. If I was the owner I would not take this type of person back, but I don’t have that control so it’s not my choice. So I will make the best of it. She has been back now almost 3 weeks.

This receptionist I will names as The Instigator, because ultimately that’s what she is…. a little bit of a trouble maker. She isn’t by any means stupid, yet she is still fast proving herself to be a fucktard.

We use a special database that gets used as one huge file and it is passed to each receptionist daily as a “live” file. It’s always updated this way and it’s just how we do things. This file contains everything for our business, including payroll information and the exact commissions that our contractors have earned. I almost never have a live file, I use it only to check on things after it is done, because I am the manager… I oversee what they input into it.

Last week the Instigator told me she deleted some files that are in the Administrative area (mine) AFTER she did it. She said it nonchalantly, so I got what she said, but didn’t feel it was a major issue even though I didn’t like it right away. I just felt she was overstepping the line. The next day I got a copy of the updated file and she had deleted tons of shit I had in it, for a reason. I know this is a shock… but sometimes a manager does know what they are doing, sometimes there is a reason they do something.

Of course this created a huge amount of work for me. I had to print out all the old notes, and now I was forced to decide what needed to be returned. Since I don’t have a “live” file I had to impose on another receptionist to replace all these notes. It got fixed, and back to what the MANAGER (me) wanted. I then sent an email to the Instigator explain that she is not to touch the admin area again and my reasons for it. It was polite and I told her it was my fault that I misunderstood it when she told me. I took part of the blame, even though I did nothing wrong. I did not HAVE to explain myself because I am her boss, but I did so that it made sense why she shouldn’t do it again. She of course started to gossip with another receptionist and told her how MEAN I was to her. She took it VERY personally that she fucked up MY job. What an idiot. For me, I laughed, it only made me see her as The Instigator even more.

Last night….. Guess what Instigator did? She started with her nosy picking AGAIN after she was told to knock it off politely. She, like Rainbow Brite, has to mess with shit that they don’t know anything about or the things that do not concern her. The Instigator had to call me on my TIME OFF to confess that she messed with the file and now fucked up payroll for some of the contractors! Again, more time is involved for me to repair the damage that some jack off did. More time I have to impose on another receptionist etc. Leave it ALONE Instigator. Stop it! Quite touching stuff!

The Instigator is NOT a stupid person. She is not a drooling incompetent idiot like Rainbow Brite was. The Instigator is actually a lot SMARTER, but apparently has her own little control issues. Not ALL fucktards are low IQ dummies, some are fucktards in “secret”. Some fucktards are smart people that do fucktarded things. Just stop it damn it.

Ok I have another work rant. I hired a chick for the low man on the totem pole job at the company I work for. These are work at home positions, and all you pretty much have to do is answer the phone when it rings and help the customer with what they want/ask for. A monkey could do it, in fact there are other monkeys working under me as I type this that seem to do their job just fine.

So I hire Amanda. She has experience, a pleasant speaking voice, and the ability to combine words together in to sentences which are the main requirements. But I am such a strict boss and the company policy is also strict… we require that if you can not work your CHOSEN shift that you call the office number and tell them so. Please read that sentence again… these fucktards get to CHOOSE their schedule, work from home, and they are independent contractors so we never tell them they can’t have time off. All they need to do is just let us know. It sounds pretty simple doesn’t it? This is a cake job for any competent person. But guess what…. most people are not competent.

So back to Amanada. She had some trouble with this whole calling off thingie. It confused her, and often. She barely ever showed up for her Sunday work shift. She was always late to her shift, left early, and to call her scatterbrained is a compliment. You get the point right? Let me also not forget to mention that she would contact the office receptionists to tell them she “had to take her dog outside to make a peepee”. That’s a direct quote. Everyone pretty much wanted to see me put a bullet in her head, and I did consider it a few times. I was a good manager though, and just told her to get her shit together. Finally it was obvious she couldn’t do that, so I told her that I was terminating her contract….. which in plain English means “fuck off fuck face”.

That was about 2 months but today she messaged me online. She said:

Fucktard [10:45 A.M.]: Hi Vulgar, this is Amanda, not sure if you remember me, but I was wondering. I have been trying to find work as a receptionist and thought you might have a better idea as to where to look. I have had no luck. I do have experience. Thanks for your time

I think we all know that what she was really saying is that she wants a job back with us but wants the “better” position that pays hourly rather than the one that pays per consultation. I have my quota of fucktards in that position already. If I’m wrong about her intention, then somebody explain to me why would you ask the manager that FIRED you – to HELP you find a job with a competitors company? Doesn’t it sound like she asked me to do that - or it was her fucktard way to think I would offer her something? Go to hell Amanda and you’re little dog too. I should have suggested a job as a crash test dummy to her… but I suspect she’d even fuck that up.

Fucktard Update! Since I wrote this post the moron emailed me the next day (8/11/06) and directly asked for a receptionist job. Now, I ask you… why would I offer you a better position with better pay if you couldn’t even do the lesser job decently? She again said she is “trying” to find one but doesn’t KNOW where to look! I guess she isn’t trying all THAT hard if she can’t find out where to look. It’s not even a logical comment duh duh duh.

I work with two major fucktards, the kind that aren’t only stupid but have bad attitudes toward everyone else more intelligent then them (which is basically everyone). So today Miss Sunshine (the bigger fuck up) loses her phone connection. We’re IN a business where we ANSWER phones, it was kinda important to have hers working, and this isn’t the first time it’s happened. It’s not even the 98^th time it’s happened, we’re talking triple digits. So, ok fucktard… again… I’ll do your damn job for you, but don’t think I won’t TRY to get revenge by making sure you aren’t paid. And she does think she will get paid, she feels entitled to it and that every damn mistake she makes is perfectly ok. But don’t dare tell her so, or she gets all sweaty angry and begin to flap her slack jawed mouth back at you. It’s hard to even fight back when you can’t understand Fucktardian language, you spend a lot of time scratching your head wondering what the hell she means. Sometimes two or three people have to decipher it and by then she’s long gone… if she isn’t wearing her government issued ankle bracelet and on house arrest or something.

So back to today’s drama. Miss Sunshine took about 40 minutes to figure out that her phone wire was bent, twisted, and destroyed. Most of us know that when the phone isn’t ringing that there can only be a few reasons why. But she did thank me for doing her job for her, at last minute notice when I had other shit to do of my own. How nice of her.

Then I had to talk to her about why she had issues with the other receptionist. Since fucktards always come out of la-la land with their fists up – it can be a bit dangerous to approach one. Carefully I brought up the subject. Quick! Tell her she isn’t in trouble before the stupidity and blame begins to flow! Ok so it all boils down to the fact that Miss Sunshine feels like everyone should be friends and ask her how her life is. She feels all we talk to each other about is work and that no one asks how her snot faced kid is. I guess the point is lost to her, which is after you are late a million times, cause trouble, mouth off to everyone, and fuck up constantly most people you work with kinda don’t care about you. Gee maybe they even begin to dislike you, duh. Good one fucktard – all we care about is avoiding you.

If she could collect disability for her stupidity she wouldn’t have to work at all and we’d all be much happier.