Fucktard Rants… Attempting to Put a Stop to Stupidity the World Over because Stupid People Suck!

One of my pet peeves and annoyances are the people who get a pet… that they know nothing about, in particular how to train or take care of properly.  I am an animal lover, and as such, it truly sickens me about the stupidity people have about pet ownership. In particular, people get dogs that are usually the dumbest.

I decided to make this post be an instruction one for fucktards. I will explain to you what to do before getting a dog and what to do in general terms once you’ve decided to ruin it’s life. Pay attention dummies.

Pick a breed in advance that you like and do some actual research. All dogs are different, some have different needs and common sense is… that you need to find one that matches your personality. For instance, don’t own a dinky one floor ranch style house with a small yard and get a big Lab because they are so cute. A Lab needs to RUN, it needs space, and cramming it in a small house is a little cruel and blatantly stupid. A Lab is a working breed, it needs a job… or it needs to have something to do. Trying to take a Lab out on a leash to go potty without letting it run and be a dog….. is cruelty to the animal. I have literally known people to do this…. But they’d act “shocked” when any chance the Lab got… it slipped out the front door to RUN through the neighborhood.  Duh… don’t get a dog that requires MORE than what you are willing to put in to it. Since all dogs have different needs you should do research to find one that matches YOUR lifestyle. In other words… if you are a coach potato… then get a lazy dog too.  It’s works out better if you are BOTH lying around getting fatter.

Expect work no matter what the dogs age is… and expect 100 times more if it is a PUPPY. We’re all suckers for puppies, and anyone who isn’t is probably storing a few bodies in their refrigerator. Puppies are ALL CUTE. But God Damnit: they take as much work a human baby. It’s not a joke or exaggeration either. They will cry at night. They rely on you for food. You have to clean up after them. You don’t GET to take your eyes off them for several months, until they are fully trained. Don’t bring a puppy home and then be so stupid that you don’t realize the commitment you have made. Tons of young dogs end up being returned to breeders, or given to shelters because the people who got it were too fucking lazy to put the work in.

You are responsible for teaching a dog to be a good member of society.  Train the damn thing. Take your dog to obedience classes. Be the dog’s leader and owner… not their buddy, mommy, or playmate ALL the time.  Teach your dog MANNERS and how to behave. If you cannot control the dog… it is YOU… not their fault.

Expect to PAY big bucks while owning a dog. They cost a lot. There are vet bills and medical things you MUST NOT skimp on such as annual shots. You will most likely out live your dog too fucktard… unfortunately. That means it will get old, sick, and terminal sooner or later. Once you make that commitment, stick with it. Take care of that animal like a family member and get it treatment. But don’t torture the creature and make it siffer because you are a big crybaby wimp. You must remember that you will either watch that animal die, or you will have to put it to sleep when it begins to suffer. I have seen countless people in my life do selfish and horrible things like let dogs continue to survive through horrendous health conditions to serve their own selfish needs. No ethical vet is going to make the choice to put your dog to sleep, they will only give you options. It’s up to you to use some common sense. If your dog has no quality of life, and is in pain or is suffering without much hope… then do your beloved friend a huge favor and end it. Animals are not like people in the sense that they even want to continue to live. A dog in nature will go off on it’s own to die. They aren’t afraid of it the way we are. It’s about balance. You don’t put your dog to sleep because they broke their leg, you help it mend. Euthanasia is only appropriate when there is little hope, no quality of life, or pain. Oh and for the dummies….. if it costs $3000 to fix your dogs broken leg, don’t give it away to a shelter. Deal with it. Nothing pisses me off more than a cheap lazy asshole.

Do your dog a favor and PROTECT it. Get a fence. Keep it on a leash in the neighborhood.  Don’t let them run the streets freely.

Don’t leave your dog totally unattended to for hours on end. Crate train your dog. It is NOT cruel to provide a cozy comfy dog den for your friend, and if crate training is done properly then that is what it becomes.

Fucktards are always doing stupid shit like getting pets or having children. Someone HAS to teach them what to do dang it.

I have said before that I spend a lot of time in my car driving to and from work. I have seen a lot of stupid things that Fucktards do while driving that make me wonder how they manage to keep their licenses. This morning I saw something so asinine that I had to write this rant today. In my travels to work, I pass through one highway that they are doing a lot of construction on. Basically they are rebuilding this highway and turning it from a two-lane to a four-lane highway in certain stretches of the road. They have been doing this for at least a year and a half and plan to finish this in the next two years. This is not a new construction site. Nothing has changed in at least 6 months. I have written about this highway and construction before in Fucktards on Wheel 2. (This is where the idiot drove off the side trying to get to the adult book store.). Right now they have all the traffic driving in one set of lanes while they build the other set. Part of the other set of lanes is completed, but not open. At one point of this road there is an intersection which is also down to one small set of lanes coming in and out of it. To turn right at this intersection you have to get to the light and turn down where they have it open. While there is some road before this, it is marked with those orange and white construction things that replaced the barrels and there is yellow caution tape strung between them. This light is usually red for no more than two minutes or so – just enough to let a couple of cars onto the highway. This morning I am at the light and there is one car in front of me and one Fucktard behind me. Fucktard decides that they are so important that they don’t have to wait for the light to change to turn that they cross over the part of the road that is newly paved and drive down the ramp that is blocked off. I guess they did not realize that the cones and caution tape meant that you should not be driving here. Fucktard must have realized this when they got to the end of the ramp and saw that the cones and tape were stretched across this – effectively blocking them from driving anymore – since they did stop at this point. Now, Fucktard had to take while to think about what they were going to do because they sat there for a minute. I don’t know if they were actually thinking or the sound of air whistling between their ears distracted them. Either way, instead of backing up and coming back onto the road and turning where they should have – Fucktard drives very slowly (so they don’t mess up their overly large SUV’s paint job) THROUGH the cones and caution tape. They broke the tape and knocked the cones to the side. After cautiously driving through the caution tape, Fucktard speeds away so that no one knows that they were the dipshit that did this. I can think of a lot better things that my tax dollars can go to than having the road crews clean up after some asshole thinks they can just do whatever they want. The most amusing part of this is that this person then immediately turned from destroying property into a gas station on the side of the intersection. I guess that it not so amusing after all. Just one more example of a Fucktard that should not be allowed to share the road with me.

Where I work you don’t have to give any kind of explanation on why you need a day off or what’s ailing you, just make sure you call in.

Well, normal people understand this, but NOT FUCKTARDS. Not only can they not even call in on time and sometimes not at all they have to tell you every piece of drama that is going on in their life.

First of all, I don’t give a shit. We are not family, friends…hell I don’t even like you.

I have put off this rant about a certain co-worker long enough. She called in tonight, 45 minutes late, and preceeded to cough in my ear and then go on and on about all of her illnesses. “I am sorry I am late, but I have been having breathing problems.” I am asthmatic and I am insulin dependent diabetic. Of course she was just getting home from somewhere and it wasn’t the hospital. Maybe her mother, the one that has Alzheimer’s, was driving her home from some shindig. Yes, her mother drives them places. That’s a scary thought. If it’s not her health it’s that she is doing something for her elderly mother with Alzheimer’s. She has to let us know that every fucking time she calls off also. All I know is my mother, whom I love with all my heart, is a terrible driver now. I sure wouldn’t get in the car with her if she had Alzheimer’s.

BTW, the jobs we do do not require any physical activity what-so-ever.

Another one of my pet peeves are the fucktards that disobey simple driving rules in parking lots. These are the douche bags that do not stop at the intersections where a big stop sign appears. Or they cut across the parking spots, cut you off because you are following traffic rules but give you the stupid look. I am of the opinion that putting people in a shopping center parking lot of any kind causes them to lose 50 IQ points instantly. I also get annoyed by the fucktards that walk right in front of your car without even looking. I realize pedestrians have the right of way, but my mother must have been a genius when she taught me to look both ways in case a car doesn’t see me. One day in the future I could be having a bad day in the Walmart parking lot and I’ll be cleaning Irma Jean Fucktard and her two ugly brats off the hood of my car with a spatula… but I won’t feel guilty. Please work with me and the rest of us damn it… follow the rules of the road in the parking lot, look both ways before you go trotting along, look BEHIND you when you back up dummies. I shouldn’t have to write this but too many stupid people keep shopping.

Oprah did a show on Friday about “Mom’s Who Can’t Say No”. That was the title of the episode but it should have been “Stop Being a Fucktard Parent”. It was about how spoiling our children is actually bad for them. The experts said that giving them everything they want makes them feel entitled, causes children not to appreciate things, makes them have no work ethic, and that it ruins their lives.

Hello? Do people have their brains on at all? No fucking shit. Why does Oprah have to even explain this to anyone? This was real, this had to be an actual Oprah lesson because so many fucktards keep reproducing yet have no clue how to create a good thoughtful productive human being. What killed me is there were working professional articulate parents that were destroying their kids and they were acting as if they had no idea! Do people realize it takes more skill then FUCKING to be a parent?

I am almost 37 years old, my mother used to lecture me on a “bad” behavior and when she did she told me “it was for my own good”. She told me that when I grew up I’d understand and be a better person for it when she had to punish me. I can’t believe my mother actually wanted me to grow up and do right by society, by her, by my own friends and family.

What the hell is wrong with people that we have to watch a tv talk show to tell us how make our kids generous people instead of selfish ones? Have we lost all common sense in the United States? Now all we need is a talk show to tell the people “if you are a fucktard then don’t have children”. And truthfully that would solve the problem too.

There are actually times that Fucktards amuse me instead of pissing me off. Since this is extremely rare, I thought I would relate an incident that occurred a couple of months ago that was one of the funniest things that I ever saw. As you can tell by the title, this does involve a naked Fucktard. Now, this person was definitely not someone that I would ever want to willingly see naked, but it was such a treat given the circumstance that I can forgive that. So the story goes… Fucktard was in a convenience store in the middle of the city that I work in and she shoplifts a bag of peanuts (go figure – the elephant steals peanuts). The clerk then confronts her about it and she (of course) retaliates by yelling and screaming at the clerk. Somehow in the midst of this VERBAL altercation, Fucktard manages to lose ALL of her clothes. I am talking everything from shirt and pants to underwear and socks/shoes. She is buck naked. Then she runs out of the store and into the street (again – downtown in a fairly large metropolitan city on a very busy intersection) and proceeds to continue to yell and scream at the clerk inside the store while jumping up and down like one of those tribal scenes that you used to able to see in National Geographic. If she only had a bone through her nose, it would have been perfect. Since there is a fire station next to the convenience store, the EMT’s come out and are standing around her talking to her. Cue me trudging in on my way to work. I come around the corner and see this scene. I just have to stop for a moment and watch. It is not often that you see a hippopotamus naked in the street. After watching for a while, I have to go to work (because I am a responsible person) and continue to my office (which is up one block and down another). As I come down to the front of my building, I see Fucktard running down the street like a rhino crossing the Serengeti. She has managed to put her shirt back on, but nothing else. Even more amusing is the picture of a skinny little EMT running along behind her holding her pants out in front of him for her to take like a baton in a rely race. I almost shit myself. Seconds later there are police swarming the area in an attempt to hunt down this wild beast. Now, instead of only being questioned for shoplifting (a relatively minor offense) Fucktard now faces charges of public indecency and resisting arrest. I found out later that to top it off, once the police finished their safari (I am sure they had to shoot her with several tranquilizer darts) and captured her they hauled her off to the local loony bin. So now she is naked and crazy. I have always wondered why crazy people get naked in the strangest places. If every Fucktard could be amusing like this one instead of stupid and irritating, I would not mind having so many of them in the world.

9/11 is a day we all remember, and on the anniversary of such a tragic event, I thought I’d celebrate some stupidity I was exposed to at the time. This is a Rainbow Brite post, she is listed in the Hall of Fame by me for her fucktard sensibilities. I knew her for about 10 years, and each day she became dumber.

So the story of idiocy begins….

Unless you are an idiot you know what happened 9/11/01. That’s not my story. The night of September 11^th I couldn’t sleep, I live very close to the Pennsylvania crash site, so it was on my mind specifically. I felt scared, sad, worried, angry etc etc just like every other American. In fact, there was also a great feeling of pride in America and the only positive thing I can say about the event itself is that we all did appreciate our American Pride a bit more. I know I did at least, and I felt the need the next day to put out an American flag. It was something I did not own, which made me realize I should have one.

I spoke to fucktard Rainbow Brite on the phone, expressed this need to her and she said “that’s a good idea. I know it is dummy, it came from me… not you of course. So as always she need to attach herself to my shirt tails and said she wanted to go with me. She even volunteered to drive.

Now let’s review something about Rainbow Brite and her automobiles. In the years I knew her she only owned one beyond the year 1990, and she only got it about 2 years ago. Her and her husband bought junkers, because “ a new car is a waste of money”, as opposed to the hundreds of dollars per year they were sinking into these used pieces of shit. And yes of course they were getting ripped off by buying cars that the very minute they drove away from the sale… they broke down. It literally did happen and still they never learned that maybe they were not smart car shoppers, and that they were always jumping from one frying pan into another.

So, dear Rainbow Brite in her Granny junker pulled clunking loudly into my driveway. I got in the car with the door that wouldn’t lock, and off we went listening to her 8-track tapes. Rainbow, the fucktard, as you might assume is not a great driver. She tends to have a very short attention span, she looks at something as you pass it and begins to swerve all over the road. You have to remind her to look at the road again. She tends to look at her surroundings more than the road ahead. Highway driving was scary and I always interrupted her childish “ooooh lookie over there” comments. I also used a seat belt if the junker even had one.

This particular trip I felt wasn’t such a big deal. We were going about 2 miles away to a specific shop. There was little traffic, people were just not out and a person slowly passed us in the turning lane literally one block from my house. I saw a guy, possibly of Arabic descent from the corner of my eye, while Rainbow turned away completely to look as he passed. I knew a stupid comment was coming.

She SLAMMED on the brakes in the middle of the road.

“I swear to God that guy had a gun Vulgar” she shouts at me.

“Shut up and drive, quit being a paranoid retard”, I answered.

Do you believe it? It’s the honest truth. I could not make this shit up. It was your standard stupid fucktard thing that every Arab is “guilty” and yet it was only 24 hours later so we did not have full proof of who had officially caused the whole thing yet. It totally pissed me off. She started driving again.

We heard an obvious helicopter overhead not more than 8 feet later down the road. She SLAMMED on the brakes again…… and looked UP and out the window as if it was going to fall from the sky or crash into something. It was so obvious that the helicopter was going to, or coming from the crash site, as I mentioned earlier - we lived near it. Ok, well… obvious to anyone who wasn’t a fucktard. Rainbow asked me why it was up there since all flights were shut down etc. Like I said, obvious to anyone who wasn’t a fucktard…. So I had to explain it.

“oooooooooooh yeah, that makes sense”.

Yes Rainbow, it does make sense, to anyone with COMMON SENSE and half a brain. It’s just that we don’t all need it explained to us by people who are 10 years our junior. Yes, she is also that much older than me. I wasn’t sure whether I should slap her, or run screaming from the car. But I really did want to get to the shop.

She asked me after we got our flags if I wanted to go to lunch or something. But I had met my fucktard limit already and I needed to go home, where sanity prevailed.

This event with Rainbow will remain etched forever in my head as a part of the horror on September 11^th. The horror of her stupidity, immaturity, and ignorance still linger in my head each year.

While driving home from work today, I saw something that reaffirms my belief that there should be a Fucktard test given to every person before they are allowed to have a license to drive. As I was driving, I pass this Dimwit who is driving along in his red-neck monster truck. It is bad enough that the shitbox he is driving is allowed on the road at all with all of the rusted pieces falling off of it, but he has to make it worse. This Fucktard is driving with his leg hanging out of the widow and his camouflaged work boot resting on the front of his side view mirror. At the same time, he is leaning with his left arm and elbow out the window as well and is smoking. Furthermore, he is using his right hand to pick mud off his boots and throwing it in the other lane. What the fuck is he driving with? You just know that since he is wearing a sideways baseball cap that he has a needle dick, so obviously he is not using this to steer with and most likely not steering at all. He also has to be in a bad angle to use his other leg to control the pedals. To make matters even worse is that he is not driving on a back road, but is on a major interstate with three lanes on each side doing at least 70 MPH. I am amazed that I ever make it home alive when this is what I have driving beside me.

If you don’t know what you are talking about, please learn not to speak at all. While moronic sayings can amuse me at times, it mostly just pisses me off. Much like Vulgar’s rant about Rainbow Brite and her “Jewish Times”, I am constantly bombarded by idiotic comments that I believe actually make me stupider for hearing them. I have known a person for my entire life who makes comments like this. For sake of keeping their true identity secret we will call them something else, like “mom”. Now “mom” can be a true Fucktard at times. One time “mom” and I were discussing nationality. This can be interesting because “mom” is a cornucopia of different nationalities and it is fun to try to figure them all out. Suffice to say that “mom” has had an ancestor in pretty much every Slovak nation. Now in describing her nationality, “mom” said that she is a “White Russian”. Now, “mom” is not Russian at all, but she is part Ukrainian, so this could be true. (For you Fucktards that think a White, Red or Black Russian is just a drink, you should read up on European history. In particular the parts about the Russian revolution and how it had a huge impact on communism in Europe). Since I know that “mom” is a Fucktard, I am sure that this is not what she means, so I ask her if she knows what a White Russian is. She says “No, this is what my father used to say, so that’s what I say too”. Why would you call yourself something that you don’t know what it is? If your father used to say that you were a Fucktard, would you tell people that also? After explaining to her what a white Russian is (in very simple terms), she then says “Oh, I guess I am not one after all”. What a freaking brainchild. This is also the person who was referring to the Middle East as “all those ‘Islam’ people” at times. (I believe that she meant Muslim and I hope I don’t have to explain that there are many more religions than Muslimism in the Middle East as well). This just goes to show that not all Fucktardism is inherited. Even if you come from Fucktards, you can surpass it with some effort and a little intelligence. Thank God I don’t live with and have to hear stupid shit from this one everyday anymore.

On a similar note, we were having a discussion at work the other day about the conflict between Lebanon and Israel. One of my co-workers (who is usually a lot smarter, but I have found that anyone can be a Fucktard at any time) started saying how it wasn’t fair that Israel was bombing Lebanese cities because people were being killed and “ it is not their fault that the terrorists are working in their country, they didn’t want them there”. If they didn’t want them there, why the fuck did they elect some of them into the government? This led to a discussion on why everyone in the Middle East hates Israel. It then comes out that this person did not even know how Israel came about and the situation that has led up to the point where we are now. I don’t expect everyone to be up on world history. It is not that big of a deal if you know nothing about what is occurring in other parts of the planet. You can live your life and not worry about other countries or political situations. This is all OK. However, if you don’t know anything that is going on, then please, just shut the fuck up. Your uninformed opinion just makes my head hurt and reinforces that thought that everyone I meet is a Fucktard.

I don’t know about you Fucktards, but I was taught at a very young age (i.e. Kindergarten) how to stay between the lines. You had to stay between the lines when coloring a picture as well as stay between the lines on the paper when you were writing and practicing your alphabet or spelling. Somewhere after this, Fucktards lose the ability to stay between the lines (if they ever learned how in the first place). I can give you two examples of this.

When I worked at a past job, I used to have to drive through a low income housing apartment area a lot. This is one of those fun places that have a mixture of townhouses and apartments and always have such great pretentious names like Holiday Acres or Suburban Estates. Anyway, I am driving through here and this large woman, with her six or seven illegitimate children, steps out into the middle of the road in front of my car – thus forcing me to come to a sudden stop. She immediately starts flapping her arms and squawking about my needing to slow down (I had just turned a corner from a stop sign and was doing maybe 20 MPH) and to watch out for her children. Now, when did this become my duty? Just because the government forces me to pay to support your spawn, it does not mean that I automatically then have to take the responsibility of watching out for and protecting them. That falls squarely onto your fat, government-issue cheese eating, Fucktarded shoulders. And possible one of the multitude of baby-daddies associated with you. Unless they have all taken off already. Anyway, here is this barnacle on society jumping up and down in the middle of road and babbling incoherently, although colorfully, and pointing at a sign by the sidewalk. Amongst the ranting, I make out the words to the effect of “can’t you read?” Yes I can. I have been able to read for a very long time and can clearly make out that the sign says “Yield to Pedestrians in the Crosswalk”. Do you know what the word Crosswalk means Fucktard? I don’t know where you, the reader, lives, but where I live most crosswalks are at the corner of the street. Whether they are at the corner or not, every one that I have ever seen is CLEARLY and DISTINCTLY marked with big white or white and yellow lines. This means that it is safe to cross the street here. That large expanse of unmarked pavement is a FUCKING ROAD. This has been designed for AUTOMOBILES. It is not safe to decide to cross this part and expect people that are driving to have to accommodate you. That would be the thinking of a Fucktard.

Today I watched this really fucking intelligent asswipe try to do a similar thing. I have told you that I work in a large metropolitan city and walk into my job everyday. Many other people also walk in. Most of the time, you have to cross streets. A lot of these streets are 4 or 5 lane roads with a large amount of traffic. This means that when you cross, you have to watch out for many drivers, as well as busses and it is probably the smart (and safer) idea to cross at the crosswalk when the lights are with you. This does not seem to be the case for Fucktards though. They think they can just walk across wherever they feel like. This shit head walks out into the middle of traffic to cross the road and almost gets hit twice. He actually stood there in the middle of the road with a shocked expression on his slack jawed face, unable to believe that this almost happened. He even whined once he had made it across the street that he was almost run over. Could you honestly not see that coming Nostradumbass? How about this one then. Can you predict whether you should be punched in the back of the head or have a foot shoved up your ass? Please, if you are a Fucktard, go back to your kindergarten teachings and try to learn something. Either that or don’t complain when someone does their duty and flattens you under a bus.

I worked with a chick I’ll dub as Rainbow Brite because she is very concerned with calling herself an artist… but not worried that the art she creates is below average. We worked in an independent style business where I was her boss and she didn’t do anything I said. It worked best when I ignored it, but often the fucktard issue couldn’t be ignored.

Which brings me to today’s rant, mainly for the humor factor. It’s been quite a while ago since this happened, but it still can crack me up anytime I think of it. Rainbow Brite had a way of flaunting her stupidity like she was almost proud of it. She’d sometimes like to get into religious or historical discussions and she knew nothing about either. She once told me she couldn’t wait to watch Pearl Harbor so she could learn some history. I said, “Gee Rainbow you know that’s actually fiction right?” and she responded with, “well yeah but I can still learn about history”.

Probably around the time of the Iraq War starting I was explaining to her some of the horrific crimes that Saddam had committed against his own people. She did not know ANY of this, she did not even know where the Middle East WAS. So she listened as I wove her a story as if it were a movie, something she could understand. Her response was… and I am quoting it EXACTLY….

Rainbow Brite: “ooooooh so it’s kinda like… oh, what’s that movie called”?

Vulgar: “um what movie?”.

Rainbow Brite: “oh you know which one I mean”.

Vulgar: “um no I don’t. Tell me some tidbit about it and I’ll probably know”.

Rainbow Brite: “oh what is the name of it? Damnit. The one about the Jewish Times”.

Vulgar: “The JEWISH TIMES? What the hell are you talking about”.

Rainbow Brite” yeah you know the one about the Jewish Times”.

Vulgar: “Rainbow…. Do you mean the HOLOCAUST?”

Rainbow Brite: “that might be it, what else”.

Vulgar: “you mean like World War II? The Holocaust? Was the movie you meant Schindler’s List?”.

Rainbow Brite: “that’s the name of it”.

I kid you not. This is 100% true. The woman was 43 years old and did not know about WWII or the Holocaust…….just a movie.

Ok another one of my pet peeves is the way fucktarded people in your life make assumptions about what you do, what your motivation is, and yet they never even ask. I worked with a fucktard (Rainbow Brite) for years that constantly made assumptions. We were once good friends until I could longer handle the ridiculousness. Anyway here is a sample of one of those conversations….

Vulgar says: “Yes my goal with the blog on our business website is to make sure it has fresh content which gets us more exposure, and listed on more directories”.

Fucktard says: “oooooh I ASSumed you were just doing it cuz you were just thinking up more work to do and I can’t handle all that”.

If you happen to be a fucktard and your boss or work associate asks you to do something… anything, there is probably a very logical reason. If the scope of your thinking is so narrow to imagine that people invent work for literally no reason then you may need to see a shrink for more then “just a consultation”. And good grief if you really don’t know, then ASK a simple question. Because if you ASSUME then you’ll make an ASS out of U and Me… but mainly YOU.

Now I am not by any means a “fashionable” type of guy. I have never read GQ or wore any designer clothes that were not bought for me by someone else. I am, however, NOT a Fucktard. This means that I know how to dress in public and can look presentable. In my mind, there are only three rules of fashion and they are:

If you shouldn’t be wearing a belly shirt or tube top – then don’t. Even if you can get away with wearing a tube top – don’t. Here is a reality tip for most of the Fucktards that I see wearing these. No one wants to see your love handles and stretch marks. It is not attractive in the least and just makes everyone want to throw up. For those of you who think you can get away with this because you have larger assets up top – the only reason you have larger assets is because you are fat everywhere else as well. I saw this load the other day walking through town with the front of her shirt pulled up and tucked through her bra. There were mounds of flesh hanging so low that you could not see the waist of her pants through the flubber. It was bouncing up and down when she walked and honestly looked like a jellyfish stranded on a mile wide beach of denim flopping around. After holding my lunch down by gagging several times, it dawned on me that this Fucktard was walking around smiling and holding her dirtbag boyfriend’s hand in public. She was proud of the way she looked. Please, for all of our sakes, before you leave the house look in fucking the mirror. If you can honestly think that you look good with most of your obese body exposed, then you should be shot. This rule applies to men who think that mesh shirts are attractive too. News Flash – they went out in the 70’s with all the other hideous clothes and just make you look like you are trying to smuggle wire brushes under you shirt.

As we are on the subject of men, pull your fucking pants up and buy a belt. I saw this overweight Fucktard today walking down the street holding his pants up because they were drooping so low. Isn’t it bad enough that you have to by 10X already? Do you really need to go that extra mile and get the 15X’s? How are you going to continue to stuff Ho Ho’s in your maw if you have to hold your pants up? Droopy pants are all well and good for the asinine criminals to wear. We all have gotten a good laugh while watching COPS and when some stupid criminal is running away, his pants fall down around his ankles tripping him. I encourage this behavior with criminals. It makes it a lot easier to catch them. For the rest of you Fucktards, you just look stupid.

Finally, and this really pisses me off to no end, FLIP FLOPS ARE NOT SHOES! I am not talking about sandals or a thick-soled open top shoe - I am talking about the $.50 Blue Light K-Mart special foam and plastic shower tongs. As the name implies, these are meant for the SHOWER or the Beach and should not be worn as shoes. Everyday I see these fucking dim-witted nimrods (both men and women) walking around with these in public. It takes all of my will power not to walk over and stomp on their dirt encrusted hairy toes. Wear them at home in your backyard, not in public. When I go into a convenience store I want to get what I wanted to buy and get out. Not look at your feet. Are there no dress codes for work anymore? I work in a large metropolitan city and after parking I walk into my office. Have you ever looked at what on is the street? Everyday I see used bandages, syringes, the spot where some out-of-work shit-faced drunken Fucktard has passed out and either puked or pissed and shit themselves as well as bird shit, spit and general grime. I notice these things because I look at the ground when I am walking to lessen the urge to kill every stupid Fucktard I see. You mental giants with your flip flops on are walking through the same sludge that I do everyday. The only difference is that my SHOES protect my feet from this crap. You are just adding to your already overwhelming cruddiness. Maybe I will get lucky and some plague will come and wash all the scum off the world because it can only be contracted through your toenails.

Ok I have another work rant. I hired a chick for the low man on the totem pole job at the company I work for. These are work at home positions, and all you pretty much have to do is answer the phone when it rings and help the customer with what they want/ask for. A monkey could do it, in fact there are other monkeys working under me as I type this that seem to do their job just fine.

So I hire Amanda. She has experience, a pleasant speaking voice, and the ability to combine words together in to sentences which are the main requirements. But I am such a strict boss and the company policy is also strict… we require that if you can not work your CHOSEN shift that you call the office number and tell them so. Please read that sentence again… these fucktards get to CHOOSE their schedule, work from home, and they are independent contractors so we never tell them they can’t have time off. All they need to do is just let us know. It sounds pretty simple doesn’t it? This is a cake job for any competent person. But guess what…. most people are not competent.

So back to Amanada. She had some trouble with this whole calling off thingie. It confused her, and often. She barely ever showed up for her Sunday work shift. She was always late to her shift, left early, and to call her scatterbrained is a compliment. You get the point right? Let me also not forget to mention that she would contact the office receptionists to tell them she “had to take her dog outside to make a peepee”. That’s a direct quote. Everyone pretty much wanted to see me put a bullet in her head, and I did consider it a few times. I was a good manager though, and just told her to get her shit together. Finally it was obvious she couldn’t do that, so I told her that I was terminating her contract….. which in plain English means “fuck off fuck face”.

That was about 2 months but today she messaged me online. She said:

Fucktard [10:45 A.M.]: Hi Vulgar, this is Amanda, not sure if you remember me, but I was wondering. I have been trying to find work as a receptionist and thought you might have a better idea as to where to look. I have had no luck. I do have experience. Thanks for your time

I think we all know that what she was really saying is that she wants a job back with us but wants the “better” position that pays hourly rather than the one that pays per consultation. I have my quota of fucktards in that position already. If I’m wrong about her intention, then somebody explain to me why would you ask the manager that FIRED you – to HELP you find a job with a competitors company? Doesn’t it sound like she asked me to do that - or it was her fucktard way to think I would offer her something? Go to hell Amanda and you’re little dog too. I should have suggested a job as a crash test dummy to her… but I suspect she’d even fuck that up.

Fucktard Update! Since I wrote this post the moron emailed me the next day (8/11/06) and directly asked for a receptionist job. Now, I ask you… why would I offer you a better position with better pay if you couldn’t even do the lesser job decently? She again said she is “trying” to find one but doesn’t KNOW where to look! I guess she isn’t trying all THAT hard if she can’t find out where to look. It’s not even a logical comment duh duh duh.

I am a manager for a telecommunication type of business, in other words we work on the phone everyday accepting incoming calls. I have a toll free number where my staff can call me directly for problems and such. The number is new for me, only about 6 months old. It once belonged to a parasail company and they still had a shitload of ads plastered all over the net, so I am still getting “wrong number” calls. I had to go and actually have some of the ads removed myself because the volume was so high.

Since this is a direct number to me, I don’t answer it with anything other than “hello”. I don’t have to; my staff knows I am the only one answering. 99% of the wrong number calls don’t seem to notice that I only answer with “hello” they just go right into requesting their reservations. I have to tell them what happened, and sometimes more stupidity ensues. It has gotten to a point where I hate it when it rings, because I know it’s going to annoy me to answer either way.

Today a fucktard with out telephone manners called. I really wonder if fucktards are taught anymore what telephone etiquette is. See my mother taught me to say “I’m SORRY I dialed the wrong number”, or “Excuse me I think I dialed the wrong number”. 99% of the fucktards that dial wrong to either my work line, my cell, or even my home number just freakin’ hang up. It pisses me off. You are the idiot that can’t press the buttons right, admit it, apologize for annoying me, and THEN hang up. Its common courtesy and manners. But the world is full of fucktards and we ALL know it. They do not even know what courtesy or manners are.

This is how today’s fucktarded call went:

Vulgar Says:”Hello”

Fucktard Says: “whose this”

Vulgar Says:”Who are you calling for please”?

Fucktard Says: “I have this number 1-800-xxx-xxxx. What’s it for”?

Vulgar Says:”If you tell me who you are calling for, then I can tell you if you have the wrong number or not”

Fucktard Says: “well is this your number”?

Vulgar Says:”well yeah, I answered it”

Fucktard Says: “well what’s the number for”?

Vulgar Says:”You must have the wrong number”

Fucktard Hangs Up

Ok so let me explain why this is bad manners to other fucktards who may be reading this.

• You do not call someone and ask who THEY are. You tell them either who YOU are, or you state your fucking purpose for ringing their phone. For example: “Hello is Vulgar there”? or like this… “Hello is this a parasail company”?
• When you retardedly do the above and the person tells you how to have manners and WHY you should approach them in a specific way…. You should listen. In other words I said to the fucktard…. if you state your purpose I can answer you fucking question asshole.
• Don’t dial a damn number if you don’t know what it’s for idiots. Like…. what if you accidentally called the stupidity police and get caught? I can’t imagine ANY person with normal intelligence calling a number just to ask what it is.

As an added note …..all toll free numbers record the number you called from. So I checked and I have this fucktards number now. I think I may start calling her every day and doing the same thing to her. I wonder if she’d EVER figure it out.

Ok, I am surrounded daily by fucktards. I try to be patient, but they always manage to fuck up my day with their fucktard ways.

Why is it so hard to follow simple rules? If you can’t work, call someone and tell them you will be out for the day. Not fucktards, they have to use a method that no one else uses and then act like you are the asswipe that did something wrong. They finally get online to contact you 2 hours after they should have been signed on and then use illegible fonts. You tell them that their message is hard to decipher because of the fonts and then they change the color only. Of course, this goes on for about 5 minutes until I just say, just tell me the excuse and I will try to figure out what the message says. After the lame excuse, she then tells me she is an elementary school teacher. God help these kids.

While driving in to work the other day, I was going through a construction zone where they have one side of the road torn up and there is about a 2 foot drop into sand and gravel. As there are some businesses along the other side of the road, there are some pathways through the torn up section so that you can get to them. I see this highly intelligent Fucktard half blocking my lane because he was too fucking stupid to see that there was a huge drop and he tried to drive across the middle of it. He plunged down so that the front of his car was stuck in the sand, the back is on the road and the middle is crunched into the road. Not even ten feet further up the road is the path that the road crews so nicely made for cars to cross over. The best part is that the only place dipshit could have been going is to the adult book store because it is the only building in that particular mile long stretch. I guess all the blood left his head to go to his little peepee and he couldn’t think straight enough to realize there was no road where he was going.