Movie Theatre Etiquette
I have a major fucktard rant today. If this too annoys you as it does me - please send this message around, post it on your site (with a link back of course) and spread the fucking love. Maybe we can teach these fucktards a lesson.
I am a huge movie fan. I love specific genres, and going to the movie theatre has always been a fun event and experience. My mother took me to see movies at a young age, I was taught how to behave. I went as a teenager with a gaggle of girls and while we were probably a little obnoxious before the film started… we always quieted down once it did.
The last few years my movie going experiences have been RUINED by fucktards who lack manners and class. I am sick of people sitting close to me and rambling in a normal speaking voice during the entire movie. This has become an occurrence that now happens every single time I go and it is completely disruptive to me, and RUDE as hell.
So last week I was in the theatre with my partner. There was a mom in 40’s and her 16 year old teen daughter behind me. Behind my partner were 3 people - 2 guys and a girl all in their late 20’s. None of them shut up for more then 5 minutes the whole time.
Mom and teen daughter brought their own snacks from home. I had to listen to them unwrap shit in foil. The daughter made a stupid grunt like noise after any witty dialogue in the movie. I heard her chewing in my ear without her god damn mouth closed. I was disgusted and almost threw up in my mouth. They talked the whole time.
I purposely kept turning around to give them the evil eye thinking that might cure them. But of course not. They seemed to believe that they were at home with their feet up and yacking away. Eventually I gave a hard SHHHHHHHHHHHUSH to them. It helped about 80%. But they still were unable to control the fucktardism in themselves. What truly pissed me off is the fact that the mother was a few years older then me, so I know she had to have some knowledge of manners if I did.
The three stooges behind my partner also continued talking. One of them actually was speaking to the characters on the screen with things like, “well what did you do that for”? or “why didn’t you say something sooner”. I wondered if he knew that people didn’t live in the TV or that there is a difference between your live friends and the ones on a movie screen. I don’t think he did since he was clearly trying to help the movie actors out with his advice.
And now for the fucktards. Let me teach you some manners at the movies.
1. Don’t sit so close to other people if there is room in the theatre. Spread out a little because other individuals may not enjoy your bad breath, your body odor, or your retarded commentary.
2. It is ok to talk and be a little social during the previews. But try to keep your voice down, you don’t want to make everyone in the theatre dumber by having to listen to you. Turn off your cell phone too dumbass.
3. When the movie starts… stop shuffling in your seat. If you are unwrapping candy or your fucking ham dinner that you bring from home…. try to conceal the noise. And for Christ’s sake shut up. If you must say something to the person or people you are with —- then lean close to them and WHISPER.
4. Treat the movie theatre like a Library. Other people are concentrating. If your attention span is so small that you cannot shut up for 90 minutes then please only rent movies at home to save the rest of us.
5. If you hear a woman near you in a theatre say very loudly “I am so fucking sick of this bullshit” or “why can’t they shut up” then know…… that it is probably me giving you a warning statement, and that I do have a weapon. No court in the land would convict me either when I testify to your stupidity.