Rainbow is a chick I used to work with and we had frenemy relationship based on that. I am using that false name for her as a snide comment because she thinks she is an artist. She also thinks she has magical powers, so there ya go! She was one of the dumbest people I knew, and I have known some true dummies. I thought I’d post some of her best short stories. Enjoy the stupidity and they are ALL TRUE.

She thought people in Canada and England celebrated Thanksgiving.

She doesn’t know the proper/basic use of the words: see, saw, seen. She only uses SEEN. So when you would explain to her… “such and such was posted on the board for everyone to read” (at work) Her response is… “I seen that but didn’t understand it”.

After the September 11th attack she asked me “where exactly is the middle east anyway”.

We used to get together for breakfast with another girl from work and during Michael Jacksons second arrest for the molestation allegations we started discussing the whole thing, as many people were. When it was time for Rainbow to share her opinion she said… “well I think he is like a retarded person so he just likes being with kids”. The girl with us was 20 years younger than Rainbow… and the expression on her face told me that it was the dumbest remark she had ever heard before too.

She always bragged about what a great cook she is. One day I asked her what she was making for dinner and she said, “Hamburger Helper”!

She once asked a work associate in another state (Louisiana) what month/s it snowed there. She asked her not once… but two days in a ROW even though the woman explained to her that it rarely, if ever… snowed in the south. TWO days in a ROW.

Rainbow once told me on more than one occasion  that when she was a child and tested before school that school district told her mother “she was borderline”. I asked what she meant and she answered with… “well, they said, like, I was almost retarded. Shows what THEY know”.  I just said “yeah” during her crazy retard cackling.

She went to the doctor for some minor surgery. After the recovery period she asked him if she would have any of the problems she had read about on the internet. The doctor said… “No, you have far more problems to worry about”. She asked me if I understood what he meant. I had to lie and say no.

She went to a message forum for Chronic Fatigue suffers and proceeded to spout off her nonsense advice. A woman was discussing some pretty serious marital issues in her life and Rainbow suggested she get the book “Men are From Mars, Women are From Venus”. She said she got it and a six pack – it really helped her marriage.

She taught her 7 yr old son that he “should feel bad for women because they bleed every month”. Of course he told the neighbors 7 yr old daughter he felt bad for her and why. The kids mother called Rainbow and chewed her out about it. Rainbow said, “oh screw her, she is just an idiot anyway”.

Do you get from my title that I hate message boards? Ok good. Do you get from my title that the medications I mean are supposed to cure “the crazies”? OK figured you didn’t fucktard… let me explain.

People who hang out all damn day on the internet posting to message boards and forums tend not to have the following in their life:

A Job
Friends
Families that rely on them to provide
Other family members that still want to talk to them

Let me give you my favorite example to back this up. Internet Movie Database is a site I love because I love movies. I am on that site at least once per week, or more. Usually I am looking up a movie or an actor etc and sometimes it’s for stupid reasons such as “I know I recognize that guy” shit. I love that site.

It’s the message boards I hate at imdb.com. Every movie, show, and actor has a bunch of  lame dumbasses posting their loser opinions on stuff their either know nothing about (but want you to think they do) or it’s full of trolling drooling bored fucktards. Almost every message board on that site has some dickweed troll posting that something “sucks” just to irritate the fans. Then the fans go off onto why their opinion is so fabulous, which is almost as lame as the troll’s nonsense. Even the so-called fans are negative and feel the urge to explain why. Flame wars go on, posts are deleted, user accounts are banned, and not a damn constructive thing happens. In essence, it is like watching a kindergarten class without a teacher.

I once got into a “debate” at these forums quite a while ago. Sometimes a fucktard can suck you into their stupid world. After one post… I proceeded to look up the profile of the jackass who picked my post apart for literally no reason. I looked at all the different forums they posted to, noted the times of day and the days per week. It was so obvious that they made a whole life out of posting all day long, everyday, and picking snitty little arguments with anyone new who posted. In 5 minutes I figured out that this person clearly had nothing better to do.

It’s just not mentally healthy to try and be a part of an anonymous community and spout off how much (or little) you know on a daily basis. It’s not mentally healthy to take a stupid post so personally, or to defend some actor/actress that you don’t know. Frankly – it’s WEIRD. If you disagree…. then brag about it to some of your real time friends… if you got any. They will look ay you the same way I do.

If what I am describing is familiar to you, or worse… describes you, please see your doctor right away to tell him that the meds are not fucking working because you are STILL annoying the rest of humanity.
 

I am annoyed by the Michael Jackson situation. I’m not a fan at all but I see the value of his past work.  While I am into watching some of the dramas unfold on TV – I am annoyed by the rush of worship from fucktards.

Michael Jackson had been more or less forgotten over the last few years, and when he died people suddenly said “oh yeah forgot about him”. Some fucktards that are carrying on do not even remember him at the height of fame, some were not even born. Suddenly he becomes a saint. I hate that frickin’ attitude.

Here are the facts  for the fucktards:

Michael Jackson made a MAJOR contribution to music, and even a bigger one to music videos.  He deserves credit for it.

The term “King of Pop” was given to Michael Jackson … from himself. He gave himself that name. Sort of like any other lunatic might do. Charles Manson dubbed himself Jesus, but we all knew THAT was crazy.

Since the 90’s we kind of know now that he has been a drug addict. Not just any drug, he was using a frickin’ anesthesia…. He wanted to be literally UNCONCIOUS. He was looking for a way to completely avoid life. This was not medication for pain… this was medicating himself to avoid life. Is it sad someone would go to this extreme? Of course it is… but it clearly shows how fucked up he was.

A drug addict… does NOT make a good parent. The very way he came to have these children is sketchy and weird. Now, the children clearly love him, as all children love their parents. Even abused children love their parents… but this does not show or mean that he was a good one. Mark my words, these kids will be royally screwed up from his parenting style, his drug abuse, and obviously his death due to his own obsessions. Not a good parent IMO. And oh, most likely the drugs played a part in him dangling the baby over the railing too. Yeah… dad of the year.

Joe Jackson seems like a true jack off and I believe that he beat the kids. However, that is not a free ticket to use as an excuse. Many children survived living through the Holocaust and turned out to be productive members of society, and even gone the route to educate others. Many children suffered in the Depression era and lost out on their childhoods too but overcame this obstacle and lived a normal life. Many children have been abused, and grew up to break the cycle without whining over it constantly. These excuses for Michael Jacksons behavior are nothing BUT excuses.

The media abused him too… wah wah. First off, being any sort of celebrity opens the door to media scrutiny. Right or wrong… it IS what it IS and we all know it exists. Meanwhile plenty of other celebrities have managed to survive fame. Furthermore many more over the years have managed to have a pretty normal life. There is a difference between being a media whore and just being famous. The media did not torture this man… this man put his crazy life on display for them, and us.

Michael Jackson did a special interview with Martin Bashir for a documentary called “Living with Michael Jackson” allowed us more of a glimpse into his life and what we found out was plainly obvious… he was nuts. He lied about the surgeries. Does everyone not see this? Ok perhaps that is his business and not ours… but why not just say that, or perhaps not open yourself up in such a way to be asked. That interview shows a clearly screwed up person who set himself up to more child abuse allegations.

And of course we have the child abuse allegations and trial. Michael was AQUITTED of the charges which means we have to remember that, but the whole thing reeks of a self created mess. The first set of allegations were a real shock and frankly I did have some sympathy for him at the time. What disturbs me is that the dummy repeated the same fucking mistake. Why didn’t he learn NOT to have children sleep in the same bed with him after the first problem? The trial would never have happened had Michael Jackson conducted himself with common sense. There was some sort of selfish need in him to do it all over again and he brought it all on to himself with it. Anyone who touches a red hot burner on the stove once… usually learns not to do it again. Why didn’t he? Some of his actions during the trial clearly show an addict.

Then we have the weird childlike personality. Not normal and displays a sickness to me. If that was someone I knew in real life… I’d be suggesting therapy or contacting the hospital to have them committed. He was robotic, stoned, or something most of the time after the 90’s. I hate the excuse of “he was innocent like a child”. I dunno…. I call that kind of creepy.

Can we please stop carrying on over a creepy drug addict psycho? He had all the money in the world to fix himself if there were problems. I don’t feel that the world has been robbed of an ‘artist”… just another “entertainer” who was more screwed up than any average schlub.

Let me just say that I do feel for his family and his children. There are many reasons to feel bad beyond his early death. I also feel bad for his family that he carried around a big bucket full of crazy with him. He did a lot of charity work and donations… those things I respect. But not his crazy shit.
 

Alright my fans know I have to hire fucktards to do a super easy job that none of them can seem to do. I’d rather work with monkeys, even really pissed off ones with wings instead of these dumb asses.

Turdbrain has been spoken about before. You can read that old stuff about the way the sky confuses her here for some background. If you don’t feel like reading it, that’s ok I can sum it up for you with 4 very small words…. She…. Is…. An…..Idiot.

Turdbrain is the worst kind of idiot.. she is a passive aggressive fucktard. So the more you push her to DO to meet the requirements of keeping her job…. the more EXCUSES you get, and with the excuses come big long stories about her idiot life. I don’t CARE about her life, I am her manager not her friend. I want her to shut her up and work, to be on time, and give me as little shit as possible. I want her to do well and make money, but I don’t want involved in her life.

As a prelude to this email she sent me tonight… I should explain that she has worked for the company for six months at the time. Everyone in the office staff knows her problems; she has called off more times than she has worked. She has been late more times than she has been on time.  Twice I wrote her and said that “it’s obvious your life is hectic so let’s move you to a later shift so that you can be on time, be productive, and make money”. Doing this was as much for us, as it was for her.  She wanted to wait…. then proceeded to continue being late. Eventually I told her tough shit, I was changing her schedule anyway.

Here is her email with bad spelling intact:

thank you, noted and APPRECIATED ….. and not a
moment too soon!

You’d think that with a short doctor’s appointment at
4pm and taking her/mom back home (six miles TOTAL
travel) that I could easily be back home by 6PM….
but, ah no, this is my MOTHER we’re talking about. I
came screetching in the driveway and tore into the
house at 7:40 to make sure I was signed in by 8:00pm
(my time) TRUSTING that you had already switched the
scheadule.
…….
Don’t ask me why mom had three bank cards but didn’t
know what a debit card is or how to use it. AND had to
know TONIGHT.

Don’t ask why the eye-glasses that she had an
emergency exam for and ordered two weeks ago (the ones
DUE today) had not been paid for and therefor had not
been ordered yet. [I dropped the ball on that one by
not checking back to confirm the payment.]

I choose to laugh.

Well, Turdbrain I choose to ignore…. Don’t tell me all your problems. Everyone has their own, everyone gets their fair share.

Whilst visiting my local LOWES home improvement store the other day, I encountered nothing but fucktards. When the winter weather breaks and you experience a sunny day… the fucktards come out to shop for improvements to their homes.

Why can’t people with their big ass full shopping carts walk up the aisles in a proper traffic manner? Nope, there is always some jackass squeezing through the middle. Why can’t people park in parking lots without cramming over to one side too far? Why is it that some loud mouth has to walk way too close behind you? Oh and I really hate the checkout line… ‘tards can’t maintain a level of distance there either. They push their cart right up your ass, somehow believing that it will make the line move faster.

But the encounter of the day for me was when I had to rush to my car to escape all of the above annoyances. Some poor piece of white trash was unloading her 20 kids leaving me to stand at a distance waiting to get to my car. I got to watch her ugly red headed mini fucktard whip out his penis and PEE beside my car.

Yes, the little fucker pissed right where I had to walk to get to my car. He was quite proud of his stream… standing back and aiming it high too. I was appalled. I was disgusted. I found no humor in it.

I guess fucktards do not teach their children that the world is not their toilet.

Ok so once it was myspace, then it was facebook, and now it’s Twitter as the big hot thing. The one common denominator in all 3 things…. Fucktards. Yes it is true. I went to the doctor the other day, and had to wait on the stupid secretary to take my co-pay and give me a receipt… because she was busy TWITTERING.

Twitter is such a testament to our disastrous fucktard times… “let me tell everyone how important I am and all of the stupid mundane shit I do”. It’s a social network for people who have nothing better to do, and desperately need friends… but can’t socialize in reality. Nobody with any intelligence cares if your weather is nice, or what you cooked for dinner, dummies.

Now you also have celebrities twittering away too. For instance, we have Mr Twit Popularity Ashton Kutcher and his wife on there daily. I’ve looked, all day long those two sit on their accounts telling the even lamer fans their every move, and how many important people they know. Wonder when they talk to one another?… if at all. And if Oprah’s television show was not self indulgent enough… we can now read her tweets about dinner dates with other celebs. Wow. Who gives a shit?

Are we really this childish? Do we not know how to communicate our messages to the world in another way? Do people actually care? If so, WHY? Is this the reason we created technology? Do we need this much constant attention?

The only people who use twitter are either… spammers, narcissists, or boring fucktards. See, some fucktards CAN be entertaining… but in this case it’s one big yawn.
 

Blogging, podcasting, websites… whatever it is on the net… people are doing and posting shit all about themselves. Now, there are people who post useful and informative, even educational information. We are all, or should be, thankful to them. But the thing that has been pissing me off lately are the jack offs asking for DONATIONS on their blog or website.

OK a long time ago “affiliate programs” were invented.  Therefore, when you see that amazon banner on this site for instance… it means we get a small cut if you buy what we’re promoting. Anyone not know this? Oh… I forgot we have fucktards in the world. We, and many other sites/blogs, use an affiliate program in effect to support the costs of having a site. You typically find “google ads” or amazon for that purpose. But of course ads plastered everywhere is annoying, and asking for flipping donations is kind of desperate. It was YOU who made the choice to get a site… not the world because we were just dying to hear from you.

This site used as an example, is a website created for OUR own fun. If other people read it then cool. If not, then we still get to rant and bitch about the stupid assholes in the world sucking up all of our air. This makes us feel better and prevents us from causing the bodily harm to fucktards that we daydream about. Ads aren’t plastered everywhere because the goal isn’t to make shitloads of money. If we make a few bucks per year then it’s awesome, but if not, no big deal.

Over the years I am seeing more “Donation” button/links on websites. Which means some dipshit thinks you are dumb enough to donate money to them to support their need to blog, or build a website about themselves. Most often they don’t care if they have nothing to say, or even if they are running some sad business. They feel entitled to ask people to give them money by displaying a donation button or link.

Um isn’t that really called PAN HANDLING? I mean, I sure think it is. The worst is when you see it on a commercial site who already is using affiliates to make money or charging for some service they provide. Yet they want your money desperately enough to also BEG for it too.  See, the word DONATION works in a positive way for The Red Cross, Animal Shelters, Agencies for Children, Cancer Foundations etc. There are real and genuine “CAUSES” there though.  Donation, as defined pretty clearly on Wikipedia means… a gift given, typically to a cause or/and for charitable purposes. A donation may take various forms, including cash, services, new or used goods as i.e. clothing, toys, food, vehicles, emergency or humanitarian aid items, and can also relate to medical care needs as i.e. blood or organs for transplant. Charitable gifts of goods or services are also called gifts in kind. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Donation

Your stupid blog or website is not a “cause” and has probably very little “purpose” to the world. The average moron using a blog doesn’t really deserve a donation. If you believe your life mission is to help people and you can find a way to charge them for it then we call the ENTERPRIZE, baby.  But it isn’t a charity…. Though you might be a “charity case”. What I mean is that if you are a business of any sort (not a charity or non-profit agency)  asking for donations then you are pathetic too.

Asking for donations on your website without a genuine “cause” IMO is tacky and classless. If you have a business and your clients want to give you holiday gifts then let them. Let them ask you where to send it or how they can do it. But for Christ’s sake… don’t advertise that you WANT them to do it…..loser. Show some CLASS. Poor and lazy people beg, not people who can earn their own living.

If any morons out there feel that this site has taught them some manners, has made them laugh, or inspired them in some warped way… and you strongly feel the urge to =do something.…. Email us a compliment. Subscribe to the blog. Buy a book from our amazon link. That’s enough. Our “cause” on this fucking site is our OWN self indulgence…. And it doesn’t need to be financed by anyone other than ourselves.

Do yourself a real favor, don’t give your hard earned money to the LAZY. Donate it to a real cause instead.
 

It is that time again for me to go to my local Department of Motor Vehicles location and get my new driver’s license photo taken. Everyone hates this, that’s no shock. What did shock me it the rampant stupidity I saw in ONE location and all in one hour’s worth of time. I can only share a few tidbits, otherwise I’d have to write a book.

One of my pet peeves and annoyances are the people who get a pet that they know nothing about, in particular how to train or take care of properly.  I am an animal lover, and as such, it truly sickens me about the stupidity people have about pet ownership. In particular, people get dogs that are usually the dumbest. I decided to make this post be an instruction one for fucktards. I will explain to you what to do before getting a dog and what to do in general terms once you’ve decided to ruin it’s life. Pay attention dummies. Pick a breed in advance that you like and do some actual research. All dogs are different, some have different needs and common sense is that you need to find one that matches your personality. For instance, don’t own a dinky one floor ranch style house with a small yard and get a big Lab because they are so cute. A Lab needs to RUN, it needs space, and cramming it in a small house is a little cruel and blatantly stupid. A Lab is a working breed, it needs a job, or it needs to have something to do. Trying to take a Lab out on a leash to go potty without letting it run and be a dog… is cruelty to the animal. I have literally known people to do this. But they’d act shocked when any chance the Lab got… it slipped out the front door to RUN through the neighborhood. Duh don’t get a dog that requires MORE than what you are willing to put in to it. Since all dogs have different needs you should do research to find one that matches YOUR lifestyle. In other words; if you are a couch potato then get a lazy dog too. It’s works out better if you are BOTH lying around getting fatter. Expect work no matter what the dogs age is, and expect 100 times more if it is a PUPPY. We’re all suckers for puppies, and anyone who isn’t is probably storing a few bodies in their refrigerator. Puppies are ALL CUTE. But God Damnit: they take as much work a human baby. It’s not a joke or exaggeration either. They will cry at night. They rely on you for food. You have to clean up after them. You don’t GET to take your eyes off them for several months, until they are fully trained. Don’t bring a puppy home and then be so stupid that you don’t realize the commitment you have made. Tons of young dogs end up being returned to breeders, or given to shelters because the people who got it were too fucking lazy to put the work in. You are responsible for teaching a dog to be a good member of society. Train the damn thing. Take your dog to obedience classes. Be the dog’s leader and owner not their buddy, mommy, or playmate ALL the time.  Teach your dog MANNERS and how to behave. If you cannot control the dog…. it is YOU; not their fault. Expect to PAY big bucks while owning a dog. They cost a lot. There are vet bills and medical things you MUST NOT skimp on such as annual shots. You will most likely out live your dog too fucktard, unfortunately. That means it will get old, sick, and terminal sooner or later. Once you make that commitment, stick with it. Take care of that animal like a family member and get it treatment. But don’t torture the creature and make it suffer because you are a big crybaby wimp. You must remember that you will either watch that animal die, or you will have to put it to sleep when it begins to suffer. I have seen countless people in my life do selfish and horrible things like let dogs continue to survive through horrendous health conditions to serve their own selfish needs. No ethical vet is going to make the choice to put your dog to sleep, they will only give you options. It’s up to you to use some common sense. If your dog has no quality of life, and is in pain or is suffering without much hope then do your beloved friend a huge favor and end it. Animals are not like people in the sense that they even want to continue to live. A dog in nature will go off on it’s own to die. They aren’t afraid of it the way we are. It’s about balance. You don’t put your dog to sleep because they broke their leg, you help it mend. Euthanasia is only appropriate when there is little hope, no quality of life, or pain. Oh and for the dummies.. if it costs $3000 to fix your dogs broken leg, don’t give it away to a shelter. Deal with it. Nothing pisses me off more than a cheap lazy asshole. Do your dog a favor and PROTECT it. Get a fence. Keep it on a leash in the neighborhood.  Don’t let them run the streets freely. Don’t leave your dog totally unattended to for hours on end. Crate train your dog. It is NOT cruel to provide a cozy comfy dog den for your friend, and if crate training is done properly then that is what it becomes. Fucktards are always doing stupid shit like getting pets or having children. Someone HAS to teach them what to do dang it.

I don’t just have a period like many women. It’s not my "friend" visiting. It’s the god damn red river that flows from me. I’m on the rag right now. I hate it, I have PMS and the last fucking thing I need is something to set me off.  But some fucktard has to come along and screw up my day. I did not even leave the house, but you don’t have to apparently. OK so I have and use the brand Always Pads.  I open a clean pad out of the wrapper and go to the back to expose the tape. I can see something black inside my pad. WTF is that? It looked creepy enough that I wiggled it and it was stiff. Something was not right, and even a fucktard could tell that. I got a new pad, but I kept the weird one to show my husband later. A while later we both looked at it, we both had confused looks on our faces. We tore it open. Inside was black tape, kind of like duct tape for lack of a way to describe it. Some frickin moron at the PAD factory must have had a quota to meet to maintain their job. And accidentally cut my pad. In order to cover up the mistake they made they literally TAPED it back together. Only a man can be this dumb. Not just any kind of man, but an unintelligent one. A fucktard man. Even a really stupid woman would not commit something THIS ridiculous. I am seeing a fat bald guy with glazed over eyes and puddles of spit at the corners of his mouth. Aren’t you? No one would believe me unless I supplied proof. So here it is.

 Even my fucking PADS are not safe from fucktards. I am getting scared to eat anymore too.

This is truly one of my pet peeves, but then again I have many of those. Fucktards, please listen up because it is you twats that feed into this bullshit. All those stupid "informative" or "educational" chain letters you get in email…. are bullshit. Please don ‘t keep forwarding them on because you learned some tidbit of trivia that you didn’t know before. There is a major chance….. That the info is INCORRECT, not to mention it ’s a virus or something else. Fucktards take these chain letters totally seriously. There is one floating around right now for instance about Taxes. It ’s some fucktarded poem that some angry poor unemployed person probably wrote…. who also doesn’t want to pay taxes. So they give misleading info by saying that the US didn’t have taxes or a national debt 100 yrs ago. What really ticked me off is some dumb ass also posted it on their blog to help inform their stupid readers too. Therefore, I must rant.

Um it is bullshit that we didn’t pay taxes in the US 100 years ago. Wars have always created a National Debt and we have had plenty. Sure, our debt now is HUGE beyond belief, but the Civil War created one too and yeah, at that time it was very high. And Taxes aren’t just an American issue either jackasses every country in the World pays them. Duh. Some countries pay much HIGHER then Americans do. The German ’s for instance are paying a Restitution Tax for WWII . It comes right out of their pay checks. Oh, they also are taxed a Religion tax too. Didn’t Americans litter our tea in some body of water to revolt against the UK ’s taxes? Um I believe that might also be true too (uh yeah that ’s sarcasm dummies). I guess we were paying taxes and hoping not to have to do that here. Boy, we sure were idealistic and stupid weren’t we? The United States began the development of the IRS (it was not technically the same as we have now “ for the dummies that might get confused) in the middle of the 1800 ’s. Um, that ’s more then 100 years ago. Cigarettes and alcohol has been taxed since roughly since that time too. While it is true that in the last 100 years American taxes have dramatically increased… some are really needed if you want nice roads to drive on, if you want health care costs to be semi-affordable, and if you wants losers who don ‘t pay their taxes to get more fees then you. Some of the taxes that this dumb chain letter bitches about are:

Corporation Taxes - Um ok. Corporations need to be taxed. They can afford it and they make up a major part of the American infrastructure. People who have any intelligence know that they should be taxed for a variety of reasons.

Property Taxes “ Um ok so you don ‘t want a Police or Fire dept in your community?

Road Usage Taxes “ the more intelligent people call this Toll Roads. I guess you don’t want roads?

Unemployment Taxes “ So these supply you with an income when you lose your fucktarded job at McDonalds. And we ALL know that you want money when you get fired.

Social Security Tax “ Is anyone actually dumb enough to not realize why we pay this? If so, sorry, it will take me way too long to explain it to you.

Marriage License Tax “ yeah you gotta pay to get married, but then you also get tax advantages for it. No brainer.

Building Permit Taxes “ This allows us to mandate building codes and makes them safer to live and work in. But who really needs that?

There were tons more, basically all taxes listed and complained about. I have a life so it would take me way too long to go over each one. The email closes out with the statement of 100 years ago fantasy bullshit, but it also sticks in that women stayed home with the kids as if implying that made things better too. I guess it did in some ways but for 100 years women had no choices and no rights either. Duh. Progress and growth costs money fucktards. I know that is a hard concept to grasp for you because you normally do not improve your stations in life, and you need someone to blame it on. But yeah, progress costs money. We also have doubled our population of fucktards that need taken care of  too. The US is no longer some little melting pot island where immigrants can come to hide from their problems in their own land. We aren ‘t the Land of Hope that we once were, now we seem to be the Land of Entitlement. Get over it, and pay your fucking taxes. Shut up and stop sending out chain letters written in ignorance. You only show me how stupid you are. Try using the internet for educating yourself instead. America keeps getting dumber and I could vomit.

I saw this on the news the other day and I just had to laugh and point this out. There was a story about a young man (in his early twenties) who was killed the other day because he was hit by a train. How the fuck do you get hit by a train? Did it sneak up on him then jump out of the weeds and smash him? Here’s a news flash for you Fucktards out there. If you don’t want to get hit by a train..Don’t walk on the tracks! This may seem to be something that wouldn’t be possible, but I assure you. Trains don’t leave the tracks for the most part. If you just can’t bear to walk around and avoid the train tracks, here is another tip. When that REALLY loud metal thing coming at you starts making a lot of noise move off the tracks. That big thing is a train and it can smash you. I just love natural selection.

If you have read any of my previous postings, you may have figured out that there are things that irritate me from time to time. (If you are not a fucktard that is). I saw a gentleman the other day that combined several of my pet peeves all in one. An ultimate combo fucktard if you will. Anyway, I was trudging my way across the bridge to work and trying to block out the world like I do everyday. In my travels I see a person sitting on the side of the bridge with their little cup sitting in front of them and a sign. Now this is not unusual, and I have written about not wanting to give people my money before. The sign that this gentleman had said "Homeless and Hungry Vietnam Veteran". Underneath this, the sign said "Get out of Iraq Now". Now, first of all, it irritates the hell out of me when someone tries to push their political or religious beliefs off on me and it irritates me even more so that this was coming from some douchebag begging me for money. You can’t get a job and you think that I want to hear your opinion on anything? Before any of the veterans get upset with me because they feel that I wouldn’t understand the sentiment without having been there, let me finish my story. Then we’ll see who the fucktard was. Anyway I am looking at this guy and his sign and notice something that seems off about the situation. I look closer and then it hits me. The fucktard looks to be in his late thirties MAYBE early forties. (For those of you who may not understand what I mean (read Fucktard) he would have had to been under 5 to have been in Vietnam.) So now I have a lying, politics spouting, unemployed shit rag begging me for money. But wait, there’s more. The story gets even better. In my examination of him, I originally thought that he was sitting there holding his head in his hands. In looking closer (only looking mind you, because if I actually moved closer the smell would have killed me), I discovered that he has not holding his head in his hands, he was, in fact"¦Talking on a cell phone! So now we have I have a lying, politics spouting, unemployed shit rag begging me for money and talking on a cell phone in public. The Ultimate Combo Fucktard. However, this got me thinking. Why would a bum need a cell phone? Who is he going to call? Other bums? Obviously he is not calling work "“ maybe he is calling his family. But then, if he has some family to call on the phone, why doesn’t he do something like, I don’t know, live with them or ask them for money or food. Then I thought that maybe instead of paying the monthly bill, he could just buy food. I also started thinking that maybe I could start a business where I would trade food for the left over minutes that all the bums with cell phones had at the end of the month and resell them for a profit to all of the other fucktards who have to jabber constantly on a phone. But I digress. Then figured that he may have a good idea. I mean after all, if someone needs to get in contact with him, his best option would be a cell phone. It is pretty certain that they could not call his house and leave a message.

Ok this is one of my biggest pet peeves. It also goes to show you a lot about fucktards. There are thousands upon thousands of people writing about themselves in blogs online. I’m going to guess that 95% are fucktards and what they are doing is really cluttering up the net and proving just how useless they are. I hate it when people feel the need to share their stupid lives for attention. I really HATE it when the ignorant write things and act like they are going to teach you something, and yet all you learn is how much of an idiot they are. Why do fucktards really think everyone cares about them? 99% of the personal blogs I have seen are nothing but arrogance. No one cares what your opinion is. Oh well maybe you fucked up family does, but don’t try to make random victims a part of it. For god’s sake…. shut up. If a fucktard isn’t babbling away in your face, then they are writing the same crap and posting it on the net. The absolute worst is when some dipshit comes along to "preach" to you about how to live a better life, or how the way they live their life is the right way. I’m not talking religion (that’s obviously annoying) and I am not talking about the people who are therapists, educators, or life coaches etc. Those are people we may want to learn from. I am talking about the lazy dumb housewives that are on Zoloft writing about what great mom’s they are; while they gently condemn all others….. despite their ignorance. I have a theory, and if you are not a fucktard then you know I am right. People who write these aimless and useless blogs about their meaningless lives and childish beliefs….need lots of medication. Sure they do, that’s why they have all the time in the world to write that nonsense. They go into one of their manic stages and write endless rants that do not even stay on the original topic. They take loser quizzes/tests/surveys for their blogs and myspace page because everyone is just dying to know these things about them. The internet would be a nicer place, and I’d be a happier human being if the only people who blogged could actually write coherently, and had a point. Some people should just not speak or write.

"Yeah I seen him come out of the house with dis big knife and went over to the dog. I mean it was a really big big knife too kinda like a ninja" — Quote Fucktard

I couldn’t make that up if I tried.

Let me tell you how a couple of days went for me last week. I own a fairly new car (a little over 3 years old) that does have a bit of mileage on it. I do drive in to work everyday and it is a fairly decent commute of about 35 miles one way. Last Monday I was driving home from work and sitting in traffic before going through a tunnel (like I do everyday) and cursing whatever Fucktard slowed down first and made all the traffic back up (like I do everyday). Anyway, traffic finally starts moving and I hit the gas. The engine revs and nothing else happens. I am in drive and I am not moving at all. I try switching gears, etc and nothing. The transmission is gone. I sit there for a while, in the fast lane, contacting someone to come and tow me (now this is only about 3 miles into my journey home). I finally get in touch with someone and they will send a tow truck, but it will be about an hour and a half due to traffic. This is fine. I expected this. About this time, the local patrol tow truck shows up and helps me move my car from the road to the berm. Great, this was a big help and I appreciated it. The guy was even nice enough to stop back an hour later and check that I was OK (I.e. Non-Fucktard). Unfortunately this was about the most terrifying hour and a half of my life. Here I am sitting on the berm by an exit before the tunnel and there are numerous Fucktards who find no problem driving on the berm to get past traffic and almost side-swipe my car. They had to see it there, but just didn’t seem to notice or care. (I also have to take a moment to put out my thanks to a state patrol officer who also stopped during this time to check on me. He even gave me a number to call their barracks if the tow truck did not show up. He almost was hit by some Fucktard driving on berm while he did this, but I appreciate his help). The tow truck showed up after an hour and a half and we got my car situated to tow. Allow me to describe the tow truck driver. He was a fairly large man (not fat, but pretty muscular and larger than me) with tattoos on both arms and on the back and side of his shaved head. He also had no front teeth. This was actually not a problem for me, because back in the day this old punk hung out with some pretty big degenerates. When we get into the truck, the first thing that he says to me is "Do you like Metallica?" as it is jamming on the radio. Actually I do like some Metallica and I told him so. This appears to have been the point where Ray and I became best of friends. He says "Good Man" and pulls out in front of traffic. We are on our way. We’re driving along discussing the best way to get to where my car needs to go since he needs to drop off another car first. After this discussion, we start talking about music again and Ray tells me that he has been a headbanger for years. He tells me that he used to have really long hair "Longer than my old ladies" that hung down to his knees. He then tells me that he got sent away then and had to shave it all off. He keeps it shaved now because of the tattoos. Cool. I can deal with this still. After talking about some other things, we get to where we need to drop the other car off and do so. Then we situate my car back on the truck and we’re off again. We discuss important world places like CrapDonald’s and Wal-Mart and how these have made an impact upon our society at large. Just kidding, Ray actually just told me how he really likes both of them. Ray then starts to tell me a story about how he had a guy in the truck one time who "He just knew had something wrong with him and it was like he was retarded or something". Anyway, the guy yelled at him to stop the truck and Ray stopped because he thought the guy had to vomit or something. No, the guy demanded that he get out of the truck and pulled out a knife. Ray then tells me how he reached under his seat and pulled out his gun and shot the guy four times while the guy was stabbing him. Ray even pulled up his shirt to show me the scar (while driving about 60 miles and hour) and again told me how he pulled his gun out from under the seat and shot the guy. Ray then told me that it was OK because the guy did not die. He even tried to help the guy before the ambulance arrived even though he was stabbed. The police felt it was OK too, but he was upset that he lost the right to carry his gun for 7 months and did not think that this was fair of the courts. I am feeling a tad bit nervous at this point since we still have about 20 miles to go to get to the garage. Lucky for me that Ray is my new best friend. (Although I did wonder how if he was sent away he was able to get a permit to carry a gun anyway.) The subject changes and before we get to the garage, we stopped to get something to eat and stopped at a convenience store for chew. Finally we arrive at the garage and get my car unloaded. Ray then tells me that I owe him $60 over the money that my roadside assistance paid. He also tells me that he cannot accept a card, they only accept cash. I think he just wanted to ride with me some more to go to the ATM. Thankfully I happen to have it and pay him. He gives me a big toothless grin as he waves and drives away. I get home 5 hours after I left work. Now, you may think that Ray is the Fucktard of the story. He was not. I actually did like him and had a rather amusing time for the most part. I just told that part of the story because I thought it was funny. The real Fucktards came the next day. This part of my tale is NOT funny. The garage calls me (No, they are not the Fucktards either  (they were pretty good throughout this) and tells me that the part of my car that broke was not covered. They then asked me if I had an extended warranty. I believed that I did and, because I was at work, had to make several hundred phone calls between the garage, the place I bought my car and the place the warranty was through to try to get the information. After much wailing, moaning and gnashing of teeth, I managed to get in touch with all these people (even though they had the information for my car fucked up) and get everything straight. This is where the Fucktard part of the story comes in. The guy handling the warranty claim then tells me "You know that the warranty company filed for bankruptcy two months ago and are not paying new claims, right?" No Fucktard, I did not know. Do you think that it would have been nice to inform the people that have this warranty about the company going bankrupt? I happened to pay a shitload of money when I bought the car so that I did not have to worry about crap like this. He gives me a website to look up and see what the insurance company contracted for my policy was doing regarding this. I go there and there and after searching through several thousand names (literally), I find my name and policy number. I look up what they are doing about the claims and the website says that if you live in seven specific states, they are covering the claims in full. I don’t live in any of those states of course. If you live in any other state, they are doing NOTHING right now and check back to the website in a couple of months. So, there you have the true Fucktards of this tale of woe. The bastards that I paid money to when I bought my car and then forced me to pay the full amount to get it fixed when it broke. That is the real crime. Maybe they should have been sent away instead of my buddy Ray.

I have said before that I spend a lot of time in my car driving to and from work. I have seen a lot of stupid things that Fucktards do while driving that make me wonder how they manage to keep their licenses. This morning I saw something so asinine that I had to write this rant today. In my travels to work, I pass through one highway that they are doing a lot of construction on. Basically they are rebuilding this highway and turning it from a two-lane to a four-lane highway in certain stretches of the road. They have been doing this for at least a year and a half and plan to finish this in the next two years. This is not a new construction site. Nothing has changed in at least 6 months. I have written about this highway and construction before in Fucktards on Wheel 2. (This is where the idiot drove off the side trying to get to the adult book store.). Right now they have all the traffic driving in one set of lanes while they build the other set. Part of the other set of lanes is completed, but not open. At one point of this road there is an intersection which is also down to one small set of lanes coming in and out of it. To turn right at this intersection you have to get to the light and turn down where they have it open. While there is some road before this, it is marked with those orange and white construction things that replaced the barrels and there is yellow caution tape strung between them. This light is usually red for no more than two minutes or so, just enough to let a couple of cars onto the highway. This morning I am at the light and there is one car in front of me and one Fucktard behind me. Fucktard decides that they are so important that they don’t have to wait for the light to change to turn that they cross over the part of the road that is newly paved and drive down the ramp that is blocked off. I guess they did not realize that the cones and caution tape meant that you should not be driving here. Fucktard must have realized this when they got to the end of the ramp and saw that the cones and tape were stretched across this effectively blocking them from driving anymore since they did stop at this point. Now, Fucktard had to take while to think about what they were going to do because they sat there for a minute. I don’t know if they were actually thinking or the sound of air whistling between their ears distracted them. Either way, instead of backing up and coming back onto the road and turning where they should have – Fucktard drives very slowly (so they don’t mess up their overly large SUV’s paint job) THROUGH the cones and caution tape. They broke the tape and knocked the cones to the side. After cautiously driving through the caution tape, Fucktard speeds away so that no one knows that they were the dipshit that did this. I can think of a lot better things that my tax dollars can go to than having the road crews clean up after some asshole thinks they can just do whatever they want. The most amusing part of this is that this person then immediately turned from destroying property into a gas station on the side of the intersection. I guess that it not so amusing after all. Just one more example of a Fucktard that should not be allowed to share the road with me.

Where I work you don’t have to give any kind of explanation on why you need a day off or what’s ailing you, just make sure you call in.

Well, normal people understand this, but NOT FUCKTARDS. Not only can they not even call in on time and sometimes not at all they have to tell you every piece of drama that is going on in their life.

First of all, I don’t give a shit. We are not family, friends…hell I don’t even like you.

I have put off this rant about a certain co-worker long enough. She called in tonight, 45 minutes late, and preceeded to cough in my ear and then go on and on about all of her illnesses. “I am sorry I am late, but I have been having breathing problems.” I am asthmatic and I am insulin dependent diabetic. Of course she was just getting home from somewhere and it wasn’t the hospital. Maybe her mother, the one that has Alzheimer’s, was driving her home from some shindig. Yes, her mother drives them places. That’s a scary thought. If it’s not her health it’s that she is doing something for her elderly mother with Alzheimer’s. She has to let us know that every fucking time she calls off also. All I know is my mother, whom I love with all my heart, is a terrible driver now. I sure wouldn’t get in the car with her if she had Alzheimer’s.

BTW, the jobs we do do not require any physical activity what-so-ever.

I have a big problem with Fucktards in cars. It used to be that I would mostly have issues with them when I was driving, but lately it seems that I have problems with them when I am not in a car as well. Let me give you an example. The other day I had made it through traffic hell, parked my car and was walking across the bridge into work. I get to the end of the bridge and there is a light where people come off a ramp from the highway and can turn right across the bridge or left and into town. Now this is a fancy light. It has three different colors and even has those neat looking boxes which also light up. The top one has a white sign that says "walk" and the bottom one has a red sign that says "don"t walk". Not being a Fucktard myself, I know that when the white sign is on, I should be able to safely cross the intersection. The red one means I have to wait until the cars are stopped again so I can cross. I have discussed in previous posts how I observe Fucktards just crossing streets whenever and wherever they want, but this tale is not about that. Back to the three colored lights. For those Fucktards who don"t know, the top one is red and it means "Stop". The middle one is yellow and it means "hurry up before it turns red". (just kidding see I do have a sense of humor) it means "slow down". The bottom one is green and it means "go". See this is not so difficult. Anyway, I am crossing the intersection (because my little sign is showing "walk" and the traffic light is red which means the cars should "stop") and this Fucktard decides that they are going to make a right on red and beat the cars coming up the road  even though they are only about ten feet away and moving. I guess shit stain was too busy looking at the cars coming to notice that someone was walking in front of their car. This pee brain hits the gas to pull out and runs right into me. I was not in a car, I was walking. I was hit by a car. Luckily they started from a stop and I was not hit hard, but let me tell you, it still is not fun. Thankfully the thud of my body hitting her car alerted her that there may be a problem and she stopped. I, of course, quickly move out of the road and she winds down the window. Now I am waiting for it to start as this behemoth leans out of her window and yells: "Sorry, are you OK". This took me by complete surprise. Believe me, this was not what I was expecting. Suddenly there shined a small glimmer of hope in an otherwise stupid and pitiful world. (See not everything I write about is completely bad). I told her it was Ok and went on my way with a lighter heart and small skip in my step. Well, it was actually more of a limp, but anyway my mood was better. This lasted about one block before I saw several other Fucktards do other incredibly stupid things and my world was back to normal.

Things have been tolerable on the fucktard front lately. It’s one reason I haven’t posted in awhile. But something weird happened again to me today that forced me to write. This is a true story, the names have be changed but alas it is true. I couldn’t make this crap up if I tried.

I have to set the story up so you must know 2 things.

First, I am a freak magnet. I attract them like flies to shit. They spot me anywhere I might be, they talk to me because somehow I "look" like someone who gives a damn about their rambling nonsense. They find me, they always like me, and I always say that I am never leaving the house again because of it.

Second, I am a horror film fanatic to the ninth degree. I’m not a crazy escaped mental patient; but I do like to watch them kill a bunch of fucktards on tv. Call it a "fantasy". My home and life are normal except for my game room. That’s where I store the collection of movies and have a few other weird collectibles. Most people who are not expecting this find it to be "charming", or at least that’s what they say. At the very least it becomes a conversation.

On to the story.

I hate having "workmen" of any sort come to my home when my husband is not here. (see reason #1) They talk to me and they are always freaks. When my husband is home, they talk to him, but since he is a man they discuss the work they are doing. Me being a female means they have to find something else to say, and that just causes a door to open that I don’t want.

Today a workman fucktard came over for a reason that is irrelevant. He needed to plug in a saw down in my basement so I led him down the steps into my game room of "horrors". I happened to look behind me to see him do a double take at my collection of Living Dead Dolls, and I laughed.

"Oh don’t freak out, my husband and I just love horror films". I said

"Oh its ok, I think I was here before." He responded.

Uneventful the topic should be done now. Right? No. Not with a fucktard. I showed him where to plug in his saw, and just before he was heading out to the truck to get it this conversation happened.

"You know it’s not the horror stuff that freaks me out in people’s houses. You know what really scares me is the Catholics". He said.

"uh…… oh, I see", I said in shock.

"Yeah they have all those creepy looking statues and pictures on the wall". He said with a straight face.

"Yeah". I said.

"Yeah and the other houses I hate to go into are the Arabs". He said as he walked out the basement door.

I thought about telling him I was a Catholic and my husband was from Arab decent just to fuck with his mind, but then I thought better of it. He obviously didn’t have much of one. Instead I went up stairs and hid from him. I couldn’t wait to get the freak out of my house. WTF!

I recently came to an epiphany. I have noticed that just about every medical problem that exists can be fixed now. You can have your eyes fixed, your hearing fixed and can change any part of your body to the way you want it now. Unfortunately, you can’t fix stupid. Now, I know that some Fucktard is going to say "I heard that from some comedian and you are just stealing their ideas". Well let me tell you. I know that I am not the first person to say this and it is not necessarily an original idea. However, I am not going to attempt to explain this to you because You can’t fix stupid and the phrase obviously refers to you. Now that I have realized this, it is going to make my life a lot easier. And let’s face it, most of the world is already fucked and anything to make my life easier can’t be bad. One example of this is my niece. She is the epitome of stupid. This girl is 22 and could not figure out how to do anything if her life depended on it. She has screwed up her life beyond all repair already and is just going to get worse. Now, my wife and I have been trying to help her get herself straightened out since she was about 10. No matter what we suggested, she just turned around and did the Fucktarded thing anyway and screwed up even worse. I have always known that she was dumb and since I now realize you can’t fix stupid, I am no longer going to try to help and can just sit back and watch the retard make more of a mess of herself. Hell I even get a laugh out of it now and take bets on what asinine thing she’ll do next. Since I deal with extremely stupid people every day, I can now enjoy myself a bit more by trying to guess who will say the dumbest thing each day. This is not always as easy as it sounds because I hear some pretty stupid shit every day and it never ceases to amaze me how dumb people really are. But instead of trying to enlighten someone who has no clue what they are talking about, I can now see how long it will take them to realize that they are wrong. This could last a long time because most Fucktards can’t put a coherent thought together long enough to realize they are talking out their ass. I feel so free knowing this and am actually in a better mood. Unfortunately, some Fucktard will say something really stupid tomorrow and just piss me off again.

There has been a trend the past few years in the area that I live whereby they have been closing and consolidating some of the local schools.  Hopefully this is because there are less Fucktards breeding, but that is not the point of this rant.  Some of the closed schools have been changed into other uses.  One of the schools had been changed into a day care center for children.  On the news the other day there was this Fucktard who had an issue with this.  The issue was not with the school being changed into a daycare center in fact she was utilizing this.  The issue she had was that, since the school closed, they would no longer turn on the school 15 MPH signs in the morning and afternoon.  The state said that according to the regulations, schools are defined as K-12.  Since this building no longer housed K-12 students, it was not considered a school and they would be in violation of state mandates if they turned on the signs.  Makes sense to me, but then again I am not a Fucktard.  Personally, I couldn’t give a shit less one way or the other if these signs are flashing or not.  However, this Fucktard has an issue with this.  An issue so big that she decided to air it on the news.  In public.  So that everyone could see what a freaking raging imbecile that she is.  Now this little chickie could not have been more than 22 years old.  Scratch that.  The only thing little about this Fucktard was her IQ.  So here is this mental midget saying that she thinks the lights should be turned on anyway because (and I quote) The kids going to schools are all over five years old and know better than to run out into the street.  These are two and three year olds who don’t know better than to not run out in the street.  Now, I am going to assume that Fucktard is not allowing her 2-3 year old to walk to this daycare on their own (you never know with Fucktards, but I hope she is not).  Would this then not make it YOUR fucking responsibility to make sure that your child does not run out into the street??  Can you let go of the moon pie for 10 seconds to hold your child’s hand and cross the street safely with them?  Most of these former schools have big parking spaces in front of the doors where I see most people dropping their children off so that they are not near the street.  Do you want one of these in front of your house too so that you can grow fatter while not paying any attention to your kids?  If you are dumb enough to let your 2-3 year old (who by your statement you know is likely to run into the street) alone and not pay attention to them, when a car comes up the road, it will not matter if they are doing 15 or 50, when they run in front of it and get hit, they are going to get hurt.  I am sure that you will then try to blame the state for your lack of parental skills.  When did it become the state’s responsibility to make sure you are not so fucking stupid and take care of YOUR kids?  You are the one who spawned.  You are responsible for their safety.  Now, while I am sure that at some point the state WILL be responsible for the well being and safety of this Fucktard’s kids, but why invite them in beforehand?  I am amazed that I don’t throw more shit at my TV when I see idiots like this on the news.

On a continual basis I get bombarded by people wanting to sell me crap to support their kids. It used to be mostly subs or pizza, but this has now expanded into cookie dough, wrapping paper, candy, ornaments, and a variety of other useless junk that I don’t need. I don’t want to buy crappy wrapping paper because your junior Fucktard joined some organization or their school wants to suck more money out of me. I already pay taxes to support your spawn in going to school, why do I need to pay more? Most of the teachers that I see are way overpaid for the poor work that they are doing anyway. What other job can you be a complete and utter Fucktard and still not be able to lose it because you have tenure? Before you get all up in arms, there are some good teachers out there, but like the rest of the population most are Fucktards. Anyway, back to my not wanting to buy your crap. If you want your child to be in some activity, then YOU pay for it. Being involved in activities is not a right your child has. It should be earned by them and paid for by you. Maybe if you stopped getting them involved in all these activities and taught them some fucking manners, there would be less Fucktards in the world to piss me off. I guess that would mean you would have to stop being a Fucktarded parent as well and I just don’t see that happening. Do you? What also irritates me is when these Fucktards act offended because I say "NO" and tell them I won’t buy the junk. Pleading with me that it is for your child’s sake has absolutely no meaning to me. I don’t like you much to begin with and I surely don’t think your snot-faced pride and joy is cute. I can’t seem to get away from this. If it isn’t one of my Fucktarded family members asking for my money, it is someone at work or someone sitting outside of a store trying to get me to buy more shit from them. Why do you think I went to the STORE? I know I would be a lot happier if these Fucktards just left me alone.

One of the girls that work for me took Halloween and Trick or Treat off last night. She used AOL to Instant Message me and say she couldn’t work before 10pm even though she had no children. She had to be there to answer the door. I mentioned that Trick or Treating is usually from 6-8pm to her. She said "on no it runs until 10pm here." I would love to know what fucktard community runs trick or treat until 10pm on a school night. Kids coming home at 10pm need more time sort through their candy, clean up their costumes, run off their sugar high, and then get ready for bed. She was of course full of it. She was late again today. She used AOL again verses calling and actually talking to someone. So she was late, but then she starts to babble…..

she said….. turdbrain2 [6:23 P.M.]: the sky gets so dark so early now that it confuses me

She is confused alright. But the sky did not cause it. What an ass!

I don’t know about anyone else, but this Christmas shit just pisses me off. What the fuck happened to every other holiday after the 4^th of July? You used to have distinctive holiday seasons and could look forward to each one. Ever since the middle of September, however, I have seen Christmas crap in all of the stores. You go into any store now and there is a smaller display of Halloween items (which is the best holiday of the year. Where else can you look into fucktard’s houses and see what they have without being arrested?) next to a huge display of Christmas things. It is not even winter yet and everyone is looking forward to the biggest Fucktard day of the year. I say that this is a fucktard day because Christmas is just one big swap meet where the winner is the one the gives out the least and gets the most back. Just because I have decided not to spawn like so many people do, I end up losing more and more every year. My sisters and brother have a bunch of dirt-faced rugrats now. Every year I now have to buy something for some new little fucktard-in-training and receive the same shitty amount for a gift from the rest of them (if I get a gift at all). Then, these shitheads don’t have the common courtesy to make the little bastards even say Thank You. This has gone on for years and suddenly I am the asshole because I don’t want to participate in this crap anymore. I get told that I should "just be a good uncle". Fuck that. Just because you cannot control your hormones doesn’t mean I should have to pay for it. Before any of you fucktards try to pull the "Well you should just remember the reason for the season" bullshit, just shut up. Think about this. Isn’t it amazing that your holiday for Santachrist happens to fall at the same time as many other religious holidays (most of which are far older than yours). So, if I am to celebrate the true reason for the season, it probably won’t be with your religion and you should keep your zealot-ism to yourself. Why can’t we have a holiday where all the fucktards stay home and don’t irritate me for six months instead. That would be the best Christmas gift that I could ever have.

Another one of my pet peeves are the fucktards that disobey simple driving rules in parking lots. These are the douche bags that do not stop at the intersections where a big stop sign appears. Or they cut across the parking spots, cut you off because you are following traffic rules but give you the stupid look. I am of the opinion that putting people in a shopping center parking lot of any kind causes them to lose 50 IQ points instantly. I also get annoyed by the fucktards that walk right in front of your car without even looking. I realize pedestrians have the right of way, but my mother must have been a genius when she taught me to look both ways in case a car doesn’t see me. One day in the future I could be having a bad day in the Walmart parking lot and I’ll be cleaning Irma Jean Fucktard and her two ugly brats off the hood of my car with a spatula…. but I won’t feel guilty. Please work with me and the rest of us damn it…. follow the rules of the road in the parking lot, look both ways before you go trotting along, look BEHIND you when you back up dummies. I shouldn’t have to write this but too many stupid people keep shopping.

Oprah did a show on Friday about "Mom’s Who Can’t Say No". That was the title of the episode but it should have been "Stop Being a Fucktard Parent". It was about how spoiling our children is actually bad for them. The experts said that giving them everything they want makes them feel entitled, causes children not to appreciate things, makes them have no work ethic, and that it ruins their lives.

Hello? Do people have their brains on at all? No fucking shit. Why does Oprah have to even explain this to anyone? This was real, this had to be an actual Oprah lesson because so many fucktards keep reproducing yet have no clue how to create a good thoughtful productive human being. What killed me is there were working professional articulate parents that were destroying their kids and they were acting as if they had no idea! Do people realize it takes more skill then FUCKING to be a parent?

I am almost 37 years old, my mother used to lecture me on a "bad" behavior and when she did she told me "it was for my own good". She told me that when I grew up I’d understand and be a better person for it when she had to punish me. I can’t believe my mother actually wanted me to grow up and do right by society, by her, by my own friends and family.

What the hell is wrong with people that we have to watch a tv talk show to tell us how make our kids generous people instead of selfish ones? Have we lost all common sense in the United States? Now all we need is a talk show to tell the people "if you are a fucktard then don’t have children". And truthfully that would solve the problem too.

As you probably have figured out, I spend a lot of time in my car driving back and forth to work. I amazes me just how much Fucktards have no manners whatsoever while driving anymore. I always understood that it is much better to be polite to others while driving than to be an ass. I have found that it doesn’t matter if someone is driving a Lexus or a piece of shit car that should have been junked in the 70’s they are all Fucktards. For example, it was my understanding that it was polite to allow someone to enter a roadway from a ramp or side street if possible. The extra minute you save by being a Fucktard and ignoring others doesn’t really help you get to where you are going any faster. Conversely, it doesn’t help for you to be a complete prick and cut in front of others either. You are not so important that you have to force your way in and almost cause an accident. If someone happens to let you in, don’t act as if it is your god-given right that they should. Show some fucking manners and at least acknowledge that they were nice enough to do this. You can interrupt your phone call for two seconds and wave. You shouldn’t be talking on the phone when you are driving anyways shithead. For you Fucktards that cannot read, those signs that say "Do Not Block Intersection" mean something. They mean DO NOT BLOCK THE GOD DAMN INTERSECTION. You are usually sitting at a red light anyway dipshit, so why the fuck do you have to stop anyone from getting into or out of a parking lot or maybe even drive on a cross street when it is their turn? It is not like you are going anywhere. Show some fucking manners. I also get particularly annoyed at the truly brilliant people who do not realize that those thick white lines in front of lights and stop signs at intersections mean you are supposed to stop BEHIND the line. There is a reason for this as well. They will even post signs to this effect and some Fucktard still cannot figure it out. I guess if you cannot read the intersection sign, you cannot figure this out either. Don’t you have to take written test to get your license anymore? Wherever you live paid some engineer a lot of money to determine where it would be safe for people to turn and where you should stop at. Do you really think you are smarter and can stop anywhere you want? I can assure you, Fucktard, you are not. Again, you are stopped. Is that extra two feet going to save you any time? No it is not. Then, to top it off, you have the nerve to look shocked and annoyed when I almost hit you when I am turning around a corner because you are where you are not supposed to be. How shocked will you look when I throw a brick through your window? Please, I beg you, if you are going to drive, stop being a Fucktard and show some fucking manners.

I realize that we live in a disposable world and everything is being made to be convenient. This ranges from microwaveable food to disposable plates, to disposable cameras, etc. But I have a real problem with everything being disposable. There is a commercial that irritates the hell out of me every time that I see it. It is for some Ford and shows a family with two kids driving out into the country. They are stopping at various places, getting ice cream and appear to be having a very good time. At the end of the commercial the guy gets out of the car and thanks them for inviting him, hugs his kids, tells them that he will see them next weekend and returns to his bachelor condo. What the fuck is this? Are we so jaded now that it is perfectly OK to promote the fact that even marriage is disposable? I realize that there is a very high divorce rate now, but this has to be attributed to the fact that Fucktards cannot make an intelligent decision about anything even who to marry. I may seem to be old-fashioned in my thinking, but I chose someone that I was in love with to marry and didn’t get married until I was sure that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with them - Not just focus on having a big wedding to show off for everyone and get divorced if it doesn’t work out. This fucktarded thinking seems to permeate our society now. I have a wedding anniversary coming up and I looked up the list of symbolic wedding gifts. There is now a "Modern" version of this. For example, what used to be given for a Fifteenth wedding anniversary (Crystal) is now given for THIRD wedding anniversary. You used to have to be married for twenty years to get China, now you only have to be married for TWO. What kind of fucked up thinking is this? You are supposed to give appliances at a fourth wedding anniversary. When did a blender become an acceptable means of showing affection? This used to be a bad joke on men who couldn’t buy their wives an acceptable gift. When did the Fucktards take over the world and turn something that is supposed to be based on love and working together, into a way to gouge your friends and relatives into giving you expensive gifts? Sorry, we’ve been married for two and a half years and since I am tired of you I am taking the China. By the way, you also get the pay off the $200,000 bill that we spent to show off for our friends on the wedding because that was more important than finding out if I actually wanted to be with you or not. I agree with having things be more convenient, but it would be nice to see something still have some value in the world.

There are actually times that Fucktards amuse me instead of pissing me off. Since this is extremely rare, I thought I would relate an incident that occurred a couple of months ago that was one of the funniest things that I ever saw. As you can tell by the title, this does involve a naked Fucktard. Now, this person was definitely not someone that I would ever want to willingly see naked, but it was such a treat given the circumstance that I can forgive that. So the story goes Fucktard was in a convenience store in the middle of the city that I work in and she shoplifts a bag of peanuts (go figure the elephant steals peanuts). The clerk then confronts her about it and she (of course) retaliates by yelling and screaming at the clerk. Somehow in the midst of this VERBAL altercation, Fucktard manages to lose ALL of her clothes. I am talking everything from shirt and pants to underwear and socks/shoes. She is buck naked. Then she runs out of the store and into the street (again downtown in a fairly large metropolitan city on a very busy intersection) and proceeds to continue to yell and scream at the clerk inside the store while jumping up and down like one of those tribal scenes that you used to able to see in National Geographic. If she only had a bone through her nose, it would have been perfect. Since there is a fire station next to the convenience store, the EMT’s come out and are standing around her talking to her. Cue me trudging in on my way to work. I come around the corner and see this scene. I just have to stop for a moment and watch. It is not often that you see a hippopotamus naked in the street. After watching for a while, I have to go to work (because I am a responsible person) and continue to my office (which is up one block and down another). As I come down to the front of my building, I see Fucktard running down the street like a rhino crossing the Serengeti. She has managed to put her shirt back on, but nothing else. Even more amusing is the picture of a skinny little EMT running along behind her holding her pants out in front of him for her to take like a baton in a rely race. I almost shit myself. Seconds later there are police swarming the area in an attempt to hunt down this wild beast. Now, instead of only being questioned for shoplifting (a relatively minor offense) Fucktard now faces charges of public indecency and resisting arrest. I found out later that to top it off, once the police finished their safari (I am sure they had to shoot her with several tranquilizer darts) and captured her they hauled her off to the local loony bin. So now she is naked and crazy. I have always wondered why crazy people get naked in the strangest places. If every Fucktard could be amusing like this one instead of stupid and irritating, I would not mind having so many of them in the world.

9/11 is a day we all remember, and on the anniversary of such a tragic event, I thought I’d celebrate some stupidity I was exposed to at the time. This is a Rainbow Brite post, she is listed in the Hall of Fame by me for her fucktard sensibilities. I knew her for about 10 years, and each day she became dumber.

So the story of idiocy begins.

Unless you are an idiot you know what happened 9/11/01. That’s not my story. The night of September 11^th I couldn’t sleep, I live very close to the Pennsylvania crash site, so it was on my mind specifically. I felt scared, sad, worried, angry etc etc just like every other American. In fact, there was also a great feeling of pride in America and the only positive thing I can say about the event itself is that we all did appreciate our American Pride a bit more. I know I did at least, and I felt the need the next day to put out an American flag. It was something I did not own, which made me realize I should have one.

I spoke to fucktard Rainbow Brite on the phone, expressed this need to her and she said "that’s a good idea. I know it is dummy, it came from me not you of course. So as always she need to attach herself to my shirt tails and said she wanted to go with me. She even volunteered to drive.

Now let’s review something about Rainbow Brite and her automobiles. In the years I knew her she only owned one beyond the year 1990, and she only got it about 2 years ago. Her and her husband bought junkers, because " a new car is a waste of money", as opposed to the hundreds of dollars per year they were sinking into these used pieces of shit. And yes of course they were getting ripped off by buying cars that the very minute they drove away from the sale they broke down. It literally did happen and still they never learned that maybe they were not smart car shoppers, and that they were always jumping from one frying pan into another.

So, dear Rainbow Brite in her Granny junker pulled clunking loudly into my driveway. I got in the car with the door that wouldn’t lock, and off we went listening to her 8-track tapes. Rainbow, the fucktard, as you might assume is not a great driver. She tends to have a very short attention span, she looks at something as you pass it and begins to swerve all over the road. You have to remind her to look at the road again. She tends to look at her surroundings more than the road ahead. Highway driving was scary and I always interrupted her childish "ooooh lookie over there" comments. I also used a seat belt if the junker even had one.

This particular trip I felt wasn’t such a big deal. We were going about 2 miles away to a specific shop. There was little traffic, people were just not out and a person slowly passed us in the turning lane literally one block from my house. I saw a guy, possibly of Arabic descent from the corner of my eye, while Rainbow turned away completely to look as he passed. I knew a stupid comment was coming.

She SLAMMED on the brakes in the middle of the road.

"I swear to God that guy had a gun Vulgar" she shouts at me.

"Shut up and drive, quit being a paranoid retard", I answered.

Do you believe it? It’s the honest truth. I could not make this shit up. It was your standard stupid fucktard thing that every Arab is "guilty" and yet it was only 24 hours later so we did not have full proof of who had officially caused the whole thing yet. It totally pissed me off. She started driving again.

We heard an obvious helicopter overhead not more than 8 feet later down the road. She SLAMMED on the brakes again and looked UP and out the window as if it was going to fall from the sky or crash into something. It was so obvious that the helicopter was going to, or coming from the crash site, as I mentioned earlier - we lived near it. Ok, well obvious to anyone who wasn’t a fucktard. Rainbow asked me why it was up there since all flights were shut down etc. Like I said, obvious to anyone who wasn’t a fucktard. So I had to explain it.

"oooooooooooh yeah, that makes sense".

Yes Rainbow, it does make sense, to anyone with COMMON SENSE and half a brain. It’s just that we don’t all need it explained to us by people who are 10 years our junior. Yes, she is also that much older than me. I wasn’t sure whether I should slap her, or run screaming from the car. But I really did want to get to the shop.

She asked me after we got our flags if I wanted to go to lunch or something. But I had met my fucktard limit already and I needed to go home, where sanity prevailed.

This event with Rainbow will remain etched forever in my head as a part of the horror on September 11^th. The horror of her stupidity, immaturity, and ignorance still linger in my head each year.

Why is it that I have to have Fucktards on a daily basis attempt to show me just how cool they are? They do this by turning their car stereo up as loud as they can. You used to only have to worry about the idiots carrying their big boom boxes around before, now I run into at least two Fucktards doing this every day. I have a radio in my own car, I do not need to hear the crap that you are listening to. I don’t know what it sounds like inside your car, but from the outside it sounds like a very fuzzy deep bass and parts of your shitbox rattling with the beat. I am not impressed with you, I am annoyed. No one else is impressed with you either. I don’t even think the other Fucktards are impressed, but I could be wrong. You never know with Fucktards. My grandfather used to turn his radio up very loud too. This is because he was DEAF, not because he was a Fucktard like you. I may not even be quite as annoyed if I ever heard one of these dick holes play any decent music (or actual music at all). But no, it is always some skinny little dork bee-bopping in his car to gangster rap. I mean come on. Look at you. Not only do you have lousy taste in music, but you have no concept of how pathetic you really are. Try getting a personality transplant if you want to be cool. Turning your radio up as loud as it can go is just not working for you. I guess that is why I always see these nimrods alone or with a group of other male Fucktards who are just as big of losers. Maybe if you lost the stupidity, you might actually be with a GIRL on a weekend night instead of alone with your rattling car.

I have a rant about cashiers at grocery stores. It’s simple, just 2 things: stopping looking at my stuff, and stop talking to me. Now let’s review.

I do my shopping on Saturdays during my day off. I have been waiting in line behind several fucktards to get out of the store, and they have probably pissed me off. I am now exhausted from the whole shopping experience and I am in a hurry when I finally get up to the register. Ring up my stuff and pack the damn bags. Don’t leisurely look through my groceries reading what each item is. And God help you if you ask me about it. If looks could kill, you’d be in deep shit. Do your shopping on your own time and quit using my purchases as a new means to product discovery! My groceries do not want your cruddy money touching germy hands all over them while you study them. Oh, and forget about making stupid jokes. I don’t want to hear about your day either. My favorite cashiers are the ones who keep their eyes on the register, work quickly, and keep their mouths shut.

I was at the grocery store this past weekend and saw an incident that completely disgusted me. After shopping for a while, I had to sit down. This is because you cannot have just a simple grocery store anymore, but everything has to be a super-megaopolis shopping mecca. While these stores are now all huge, they still don’t seem to carry anything that I happen to like, or they discontinue carrying it in a very short time. I can, however, buy any amount of sugar coated sugar cubes dipped in chocolate with sprinkles on top breakfast cereal that I want. But I digress, back to the incident. Since I am tired of walking around, I want to sit down. In this store there is an area set up like a cafe with tables and chairs in between the bakery and the deli. I sit on one of the chairs while my wife goes and looks for something that she wants in this area. While sitting there, I watch as this old couple goes up to the self-serve donut area and prepare to get some donuts. You would think that given their age, they would have been taught some manners at some point, but not these Fucktards. While the woman holds open the bag, the man starts to get some donuts. Is he using one of those nifty disposable plastic gloves? Is he using those handily placed tongs? No. He reaches in with his Ben Gay and Feces encrusted hands and starts handling all of the donuts to pick what they want. If this was not bad enough, Geriatric Man suffers an arthritic spasm and drops one of the donuts he has picked onto the floor. Any normal person would have left this there or threw it in the garbage. Fucktarded people do what he did. HE PICKS THE DONUT UP AND PUTS IT BACK IN THE CASE! Then picks up the donut next to the one that was on the floor and puts it in the bag. Do you think his wife said anything to him? No, she looks to see if there are any store employees to see him and gives him the nod when the coast is clear. I already know that things like this happen and if you saw how any of the food you eat was prepared, you would stop eating. But give me prepackaged, full of preservatives, food any day. This way I know the only Fucktard that has handled my food was at the packaging plant and I can put that out of my mind.

While driving home from work today, I saw something that reaffirms my belief that there should be a Fucktard test given to every person before they are allowed to have a license to drive. As I was driving, I pass this Dimwit who is driving along in his red-neck monster truck. It is bad enough that the shitbox he is driving is allowed on the road at all with all of the rusted pieces falling off of it, but he has to make it worse. This Fucktard is driving with his leg hanging out of the widow and his camouflaged work boot resting on the front of his side view mirror. At the same time, he is leaning with his left arm and elbow out the window as well and is smoking. Furthermore, he is using his right hand to pick mud off his boots and throwing it in the other lane. What the fuck is he driving with? You just know that since he is wearing a sideways baseball cap that he has a needle dick, so obviously he is not using this to steer with and most likely not steering at all. He also has to be in a bad angle to use his other leg to control the pedals. To make matters even worse is that he is not driving on a back road, but is on a major interstate with three lanes on each side doing at least 70 MPH. I am amazed that I ever make it home alive when this is what I have driving beside me.

I don’t shop on Ebay much at all, but I have friends that do. They tell me when something unusual is being auctioned or sometimes the news will carry a story about something on Ebay.

Remember the grilled cheese sandwich that had the picture of the Virgin Mary on it. I think it went for $25,000. Give me a break. I also remember seeing an empty McDonald’s french fry bag being auctioned for 20 cents. Now why the hell would someone want an empty french fry bag? Maybe I should save all my empty containers of anything I purchase from the restaurants and groceries. You never know what some fucktard will buy.

BUT today, I heard the best one yet. I couldn’t even believe that the news was even talking about this item on Ebay. I know because of all the hype of Tom Cruise’s new baby, anything about him, Katie Holmes and the new baby (Suri) beats out any other news story. I mean what is important, surely not the fucking war in the Middle East, terrorism, all the crazy fucktards killing their kids, etc. The most important issue at hand is the fact that some fucktard bronzed Suri’s first bowel movement and is selling it on Ebay. Yes, you read right. The baby’s first dump, shit, turd. Whatever you want to call it, there it is in all it’s glory made of bronze…..BABY SURI’S POOP.

I don’t care that it is being auctioned for some charity. MY GOD is nothing sacred anymore. Maybe the fucktard that bronzed the turd isn’t so stupid after all. You know some more ignorant fucktard is going to actually buy it. I am curious to know just how fucktard #1 retrived this poop. Did he lurk in the bushes until the first diaper dump? Did the crazy daddy (Tom) give it to the fucktard to bronze it? Maybe in daddy’s crazy religion this is a practice. Giving the first poop of the first born to ensure a place in the afterlife.

Even the MSNBC newscaster couldn’t believe she was getting paid to cover this story. She even made that comment on the air. I was embarrassed for her.

By the way, I have 2 cats. One loves to poop. I wonder how much her poop would go for. HHMMM, I might have to check out Ebay.

I wrote a rant about one of my staff before. Please read the Fat Ass post to know the dipshit I am dealing with. This woman is a total drama queen, the excuse princess, and her life must be pretty difficult as you will see. She also calls "off" constantly despite the fact that she has the weekends off.

Yesterday the Drama Queen emailed me to let me know that during her days off she was in the hospital for walking pneumonia. She was feeling better she said, and her cough was tons better but she was taking the night off. She said she needed rest because during her 3 days in the hospital that they came in every 20 minutes to take her blood pressure, to take her blood, or to make her do breathing tests. It apparently exhausted her to lay in a bed.

I don’t know what hospital it is but damn they give good care. When I was in the hospital a few years ago in the ICU unit mind you, I had to buzz for the nurses. They weren’t showing up every 20 minutes for the ICU unit. And 3 days hospital stay for walking pneumonia? Whoa, that’s good insurance she has! My 70 yr old father with his heart condition and pace maker had full blown pneumonia and they only kept him overnight.

So basically the Drama Queen had 3 days of laying in the hospital doing nothing, and she needed rest from that. Doesn’t her fat ass kid keep her busier in a normal day with all his head injuries? Surely she should need more rest from that reject, right?

Another time she told me she was in the hospital this year (yes apparently she spends a lot of time there between her problems and the fat ass kids) it was for some queer stomach issue that she didn’t name to me. But she did tell me her doctor told her she should have bed rest for a week. I want her insurance, her hospital, and her damn doctor because mine actually just write me a prescription and tell me to go back to my normal routines.. like my job.

I feel like I run a fucktarded special education class instead of a business.

On a consistent basis I am assaulted by stupid Fucktards asking me for money. I am not referring to the constant requests around the office and by my family to put in for someone’s birthday, upcoming wedding, upcoming birth, retirement, etc (although this irritates the fuck out of me too). I am referring to the lazy shit for brains Fucktards that sit on the bridge when I walk past with a cup and expect me to give them change. I understand that sometimes people become homeless and cannot make ends meet. This happens. This is what I pay into welfare for and why shelters exist. This is not a license for you to pester me on a daily basis to give you my money. I work for a living. Get off your lazy ass and get a fucking job. I park on the outskirts of the city I work in and then walk across a bridge to get to my office. I do this because I am trying to save some of the money I WORK for and the parking is cheaper. Almost everyday I see one of three different people who sit on the bridge and hold out a cup to people walking by. Amazingly they all hold the same sign. If you can spend the money on a black magic marker to make your fucking sign, then use that to spend on some food. The funny thing is that I only see them on warm, sunny days. Where do they go when it is cold or raining? Why the fuck don’t they go there all the time? It appears that they can find somewhere when the weather is not good, why can’t they find somewhere permanently to live? I may actually be willing to part with $.50 if you were sitting in the snow. You may think I am ignorant, but I have seen these same three people for a few years sitting in the same spots. You can’t find a fucking job in YEARS? You think it is my responsibility to carry your lazy ass? I find it sort of amusing that almost every time I walk past them, they ask for my help by giving them my spare change. Now, I have been walking past you for years and I have never given you anything before. What the fuck makes you think that I am going to give you anything today? Did you magically become more pathetic since I saw you yesterday? Believe me, I am not going to give you anything today and I am especially not going to give you anything on the days that you and your girlfriend are sitting together asking for money. She is obviously well fed with that extra 300 pounds she is carrying. Why don’t you just eat her? It makes me sick every time I have to walk past them. Unfortunately, these are not the only people who ask me for money. Everywhere I go, there is some Fucktard with their hand out asking for my money for some stupid reason. It is like I am a magnet for this shit. I certainly don’t look rich and I don’t have any fucking money either, so just piss off. What makes someone go up to a complete stranger and expect them to just give them something because you have some sob story about how you are a big Fucktard and screwed up your life. I was sitting in a CrapDonald’s parking lot the other day eating my lunch while on the way to another office for my JOB, when this Fucktard comes up and knocks on my window asking me for money to buy a hamburger. Who the fuck do you think you are? Do I look like a fucking ATM? I have had children ask me for money to play crane machines in stores (go bother the moron who spawned you), I have had fucking Hari Krishna’s, or some other fucked up religious assholes, ask me to "donate money for" (buy) their prophets stupid book at a rock concert, and I have had other Fucktards come up to me outside a bar asking for money to make a phone call so they can get home. I don’t give a shit about your problem or pathetic life, so quit bothering me. Maybe I should have a sign that says "Fuck off and explode". I don’t have any money either and you don’t see me whining about it". I can then just wear this around my neck and these dick weeds can leave me alone.

If you don’t know what you are talking about, please learn not to speak at all. While moronic sayings can amuse me at times, it mostly just pisses me off. Much like Vulgar’s rant about Rainbow Brite and her "Jewish Times", I am constantly bombarded by idiotic comments that I believe actually make me stupider for hearing them. I have known a person for my entire life who makes comments like this. For sake of keeping their true identity secret we will call them something else, like "mom". Now "mom" can be a true Fucktard at times. One time "mom" and I were discussing nationality. This can be interesting because "mom" is a cornucopia of different nationalities and it is fun to try to figure them all out. Suffice to say that "mom" has had an ancestor in pretty much every Slovak nation. Now in describing her nationality, "mom" said that she is a "White Russian". Now, "mom" is not Russian at all, but she is part Ukrainian, so this could be true. (For you Fucktards that think a White, Red or Black Russian is just a drink, you should read up on European history. In particular the parts about the Russian revolution and how it had a huge impact on communism in Europe). Since I know that "mom" is a Fucktard, I am sure that this is not what she means, so I ask her if she knows what a White Russian is. She says "No, this is what my father used to say, so that’s what I say too". Why would you call yourself something that you don’t know what it is? If your father used to say that you were a Fucktard, would you tell people that also? After explaining to her what a white Russian is (in very simple terms), she then says "Oh, I guess I am not one after all". What a freaking brainchild. This is also the person who was referring to the Middle East as "all those Islam’ people" at times. (I believe that she meant Muslim and I hope I don’t have to explain that there are many more religions than Muslimism in the Middle East as well). This just goes to show that not all Fucktardism is inherited. Even if you come from Fucktards, you can surpass it with some effort and a little intelligence. Thank God I don’t live with and have to hear stupid shit from this one everyday anymore.

On a similar note, we were having a discussion at work the other day about the conflict between Lebanon and Israel. One of my co-workers (who is usually a lot smarter, but I have found that anyone can be a Fucktard at any time) started saying how it wasn’t fair that Israel was bombing Lebanese cities because people were being killed and " it is not their fault that the terrorists are working in their country, they didn’t want them there". If they didn’t want them there, why the fuck did they elect some of them into the government? This led to a discussion on why everyone in the Middle East hates Israel. It then comes out that this person did not even know how Israel came about and the situation that has led up to the point where we are now. I don’t expect everyone to be up on world history. It is not that big of a deal if you know nothing about what is occurring in other parts of the planet. You can live your life and not worry about other countries or political situations. This is all OK. However, if you don’t know anything that is going on, then please, just shut the fuck up. Your uninformed opinion just makes my head hurt and reinforces that thought that everyone I meet is a Fucktard.

In the past I worked with a girl I call Rainbow Brite. She was a complete drooling fucktard in every way. One of her stupid stunts was that she had to "stick her hand in the cookie jar" constantly.

She’d be given a tool to use for work, a Microsoft Database or an Excel spreadsheet that was pre-made to use. The intention was to organize her stupid ass, and all she had to do was physically input information and then leave it alone. But she was a "picker", she was "nosy" about shit she didn’t even understand. She actually thought she was smart enough to learn or figure things out so she would start clicking around and making changes. She always wanted to change things to make it HER way rather than what everyone else did/used. Eventually she’d fuck it all up of course. This brilliant action happened CONSTANTLY and for someone who wanted to learn so badly – she never seemed to get the real lesson involved which was "leave it ALONE dumb ass". This always, as you might guess, created more work for her (because now you have to start all over) and for me. The latter is what pissed me off to no end. If you are such a fucktard that you don’t mind having to do everything twice and wasting weeks of time repairing your stupid mistakes then fine. But don’t involve ME or anyone else in your nonsense. I’m busy actually working and doing my job you dipshit. Rainbow Brite went away, quit because she got tired of being yelled at for all of HER stupid mistakes. I had a party.

This little story brings me to my current situation. A new receptionist who is VERY part time was brought back after she had created a drama and quit impulsively 2 years ago. If I was the owner I would not take this type of person back, but I don’t have that control so it’s not my choice. So I will make the best of it. She has been back now almost 3 weeks.

This receptionist I will names as The Instigator, because ultimately that’s what she is. a little bit of a trouble maker. She isn’t by any means stupid, yet she is still fast proving herself to be a fucktard.

We use a special database that gets used as one huge file and it is passed to each receptionist daily as a "live" file. It’s always updated this way and it’s just how we do things. This file contains everything for our business, including payroll information and the exact commissions that our contractors have earned. I almost never have a live file, I use it only to check on things after it is done, because I am the manager; I oversee what they input into it.

Last week the Instigator told me she deleted some files that are in the Administrative area (mine) AFTER she did it. She said it nonchalantly, so I got what she said, but didn’t feel it was a major issue even though I didn’t like it right away. I just felt she was overstepping the line. The next day I got a copy of the updated file and she had deleted tons of shit I had in it, for a reason. I know this is a shock; but sometimes a manager does know what they are doing, sometimes there is a reason they do something.

Of course this created a huge amount of work for me. I had to print out all the old notes, and now I was forced to decide what needed to be returned. Since I don’t have a "live" file I had to impose on another receptionist to replace all these notes. It got fixed, and back to what the MANAGER (me) wanted. I then sent an email to the Instigator explain that she is not to touch the admin area again and my reasons for it. It was polite and I told her it was my fault that I misunderstood it when she told me. I took part of the blame, even though I did nothing wrong. I did not HAVE to explain myself because I am her boss, but I did so that it made sense why she shouldn’t do it again. She of course started to gossip with another receptionist and told her how MEAN I was to her. She took it VERY personally that she fucked up MY job. What an idiot. For me, I laughed, it only made me see her as The Instigator even more.

Last night.. Guess what Instigator did? She started with her nosy picking AGAIN after she was told to knock it off politely. She, like Rainbow Brite, has to mess with shit that they don’t know anything about or the things that do not concern her. The Instigator had to call me on my TIME OFF to confess that she messed with the file and now fucked up payroll for some of the contractors! Again, more time is involved for me to repair the damage that some jack off did. More time I have to impose on another receptionist etc. Leave it ALONE Instigator. Stop it! Quite touching stuff!

The Instigator is NOT a stupid person. She is not a drooling incompetent idiot like Rainbow Brite was. The Instigator is actually a lot SMARTER, but apparently has her own little control issues. Not ALL fucktards are low IQ dummies, some are fucktards in "secret". Some fucktards are smart people that do fucktarded things. Just stop it damn it.

I’m not a "news"person by nature, but I do try to force myself to watch it occasionally to keep up with what is going on in the world. I don’t want to turn into a fucktard of course. I have two basic rants of local TV News reporters. I can’t imagine this only happens in my own area but it’s possible we breed ‘em extra dumb around here.

Number 1 Stop pretending you have a damn personality. I don’t like it, you piss me off, and it bores me. I don’t want to hear about your stupid children, your weekend plans, your "in"jokes, weddings you’ve gone to and etc. I’m TRYING to get to the NEWS for God’s sake. All these topics have been on my local news channel this week from stupid chick reporters that all need a serious makeover.. Shut up gawd. Report the news, do your job, and piss off. You have no personality anyway. You are trying way too hard to be likable and all it does it make me more disgusted.

Number 2 Get a journalism degree. Oh, you say you HAVE one. Then take the public speaking class again you stuttering stumbling fool. My lord they cannot go through a 30 minute newscast without sounding like a fucktard. I don’t get this. It’s your career, get your shit together. A frickin’ heart surgeon doesn’t get the shakes every 30 minutes and get to keep his/her job. The point is there are plenty of other professions out there that educated people manage to do without constant fuck ups.

I know what you are thinking (unless you are a fucktard and just drooling) you are thinking "well this is why they are only local news reporters". I tell myself this too all the time, but it continues to annoy me anyway.

I don’t know about you Fucktards, but I was taught at a very young age (i.e. Kindergarten) how to stay between the lines. You had to stay between the lines when coloring a picture as well as stay between the lines on the paper when you were writing and practicing your alphabet or spelling. Somewhere after this, Fucktards lose the ability to stay between the lines (if they ever learned how in the first place). I can give you two examples of this.

When I worked at a past job, I used to have to drive through a low income housing apartment area a lot. This is one of those fun places that have a mixture of townhouses and apartments and always have such great pretentious names like Holiday Acres or Suburban Estates. Anyway, I am driving through here and this large woman, with her six or seven illegitimate children, steps out into the middle of the road in front of my car thus forcing me to come to a sudden stop. She immediately starts flapping her arms and squawking about my needing to slow down (I had just turned a corner from a stop sign and was doing maybe 20 MPH) and to watch out for her children. Now, when did this become my duty? Just because the government forces me to pay to support your spawn, it does not mean that I automatically then have to take the responsibility of watching out for and protecting them. That falls squarely onto your fat, government-issue cheese eating, Fucktarded shoulders. And possible one of the multitude of baby-daddies associated with you. Unless they have all taken off already. Anyway, here is this barnacle on society jumping up and down in the middle of road and babbling incoherently, although colorfully, and pointing at a sign by the sidewalk. Amongst the ranting, I make out the words to the effect of "can’t you read?" Yes I can. I have been able to read for a very long time and can clearly make out that the sign says "Yield to Pedestrians in the Crosswalk". Do you know what the word Crosswalk means Fucktard? I don’t know where you, the reader, lives, but where I live most crosswalks are at the corner of the street. Whether they are at the corner or not, every one that I have ever seen is CLEARLY and DISTINCTLY marked with big white or white and yellow lines. This means that it is safe to cross the street here. That large expanse of unmarked pavement is a FUCKING ROAD. This has been designed for AUTOMOBILES. It is not safe to decide to cross this part and expect people that are driving to have to accommodate you. That would be the thinking of a Fucktard.

Today I watched this really fucking intelligent asswipe try to do a similar thing. I have told you that I work in a large metropolitan city and walk into my job everyday. Many other people also walk in. Most of the time, you have to cross streets. A lot of these streets are 4 or 5 lane roads with a large amount of traffic. This means that when you cross, you have to watch out for many drivers, as well as busses and it is probably the smart (and safer) idea to cross at the crosswalk when the lights are with you. This does not seem to be the case for Fucktards though. They think they can just walk across wherever they feel like. This shit head walks out into the middle of traffic to cross the road and almost gets hit twice. He actually stood there in the middle of the road with a shocked expression on his slack jawed face, unable to believe that this almost happened. He even whined once he had made it across the street that he was almost run over. Could you honestly not see that coming Nostradumbass? How about this one then. Can you predict whether you should be punched in the back of the head or have a foot shoved up your ass? Please, if you are a Fucktard, go back to your kindergarten teachings and try to learn something. Either that or don’t complain when someone does their duty and flattens you under a bus.

Why can’t people just do their fucking jobs? Due to the nature of my work, I cannot get into specifics about what I do. Suffice to say that I have a position of some authority and part of the responsibilities of my organization are to assist other companies in troubleshooting certain areas of their work. A couple of weeks ago, I was called in to review a situation at a company and give them a response on what I found. I completed this and sent them a report on what they did incorrectly and gave suggestions on what they could do to correct the issues. I received a response from the person in charge of their company thanking me for doing the review and stating that they would take my suggestions and look at improving what I found to be wrong. This is fine. This is what I expect. This is why I went there in the first place. Since that time, I have received a phone call every day from a variety of Fucktards in this company (who are all lower than the head of the company). If they were calling me to ask for suggestions on how to implement what I told them, or ask for further clarification, this would be fine. This would be part of my job. But No. These Fuckatrds have to call me everyday to whine and complain about everything. An example of some of the things I have had to hear follows:

1. We don’t really agree with how you wrote the report. It makes us look like we did not do anything that we were supposed to. Answer: Well, you didn’t you stupid Fucktard. That’s why I wrote it.

2. We don’t really agree with the way that you looked at everything and how you came to your conclusion. Answer: I don’t care if you agree with it. It is not like I make this shit up on some whim and decide to tell you about it just to fuck with you. It is based on a specific set of rules that any company that does the same work as you has to follow. You know this. It is not new information. Your company has been in business for a long time and you have been in your position for a long time as well. All of your crying and whining about being caught for fucking up to me is not going to change this. I will not suddenly decide that you are right and change all of the rules for you because I like you. You annoy me in other aspects as well already so just deal with it.

3. In looking back at what I told you originally, I don’t think that I put it in the way that I liked and gave my side clearly. Answer: OK.. So what the fuck do you want me to do about that? Is it my fault that you cannot organize yourself and come up with a coherent thought? Is this now supposed to become my problem? I did not tell you what to say, you told me all of this yourself. It came out of your teeny head. I can assure you that incompetence on your part does not constitute a problem on my part. Just because you have had some time to think about it and come up with an explanation as to why you are a dumbass, doesn’t mean I have to listen to it now.

This is just an example of a few of the highly irritating conversations I have had. I have other work to do. I have finished with this situation and have moved on. Just fucking fix it. If you had done your fucking job right in the first place, then we would not have had to go through all of this shit and I would not have to hear your pitiful excuses as to why you couldn’t just do your job. It is because of Fucktards like this that there is a huge dent in the shape of my head on the top of my desk.

Let me start this out by saying that I have the utmost respect for firemen. It is a tough, dangerous job and anyone who does this for a living should be commended. However, like any other profession, there are a certain amount of Fucktards who are also firemen. So the power goes out in my house overnight the other day. When I get up in the morning to get ready for work, the power is still out and I cannot do most of my normal morning routine including making breakfast. I decide to go out and get some fast food crap so that I can eat and still be on time for work. I drive down the road toward the local strip of restaurants and when I come to an intersection, the lights are out and there are two firemen standing in the middle of the street. One of them comes over to the car and asks where I am going, so I reply "to CrapDonald’s to get some breakfast". His reply: "No, you ain’t". The he just stands there. And stands there. And stands there, by my window. After a minute or so, I have to ask the obvious question "Why not?" He says "Because the power is out all along this area and none of the restaurants are open", then goes back and stands in the middle of the intersection. Now, this seems to be a reasonable answer (even though he couldn’t think to tell me right away), so I wait for him to resume directing traffic. Why else would he be standing in the middle of an intersection where the lights are out? I still don’t know what he was doing other than picking his ass, which I watched him do several times. I guess he was hot just standing in the middle of an intersection in the morning in his fire proof pants and T-Shirt. I waited a good 5-10 minutes watching Gomer Pyle pick his ass and stare off into space while there are now cars 3-4 deep at each part of the intersection. Now you may ask what the second fireman was doing. I ask the same question. He appeared to be doing nothing except sit on the curb watching the other Fucktard picking his ass too. After waiting a while, I decided to take things into my own hands and turned up another street so that I could go somewhere else. You may think that Fireman Fucktard would have noticed this as I had to drive right past him to do so. No, he doesn’t notice. He just continues to pick his ass and stare into space. I actually went back to that intersection after work, just to check and see if he was still there. I guess someone finally told him to go home. I don’t think he could have figured that idea out on his own. If my house ever catches on fire, I hope they put this dipshit on traffic duty again and let the real firemen do their jobs. Maybe that was why he was sent there in the first place.

I worked with a chick I’ll dub as Rainbow Brite because she is very concerned with calling herself an artist… but not worried that the art she creates is below average. We worked in an independent style business where I was her boss and she didn’t do anything I said. It worked best when I ignored it, but often the fucktard issue couldn’t be ignored.

Which brings me to today’s rant, mainly for the humor factor. It’s been quite a while ago since this happened, but it still can crack me up anytime I think of it. Rainbow Brite had a way of flaunting her stupidity like she was almost proud of it. She’d sometimes like to get into religious or historical discussions and she knew nothing about either. She once told me she couldn’t wait to watch Pearl Harbor so she could learn some history. I said, "Gee Rainbow you know that’s actually fiction right?" and she responded with, "well yeah but I can still learn about history".

Probably around the time of the Iraq War starting I was explaining to her some of the horrific crimes that Saddam had committed against his own people. She did not know ANY of this, she did not even know where the Middle East WAS. So she listened as I wove her a story as if it were a movie, something she could understand. Her response was and I am quoting it EXACTLY.

Rainbow Brite: "ooooooh so it’s kinda like oh, what’s that movie called"?

Vulgar: "um what movie?".

Rainbow Brite: "oh you know which one I mean".

Vulgar: "um no I don’t. Tell me some tidbit about it and I’ll probably know".

Rainbow Brite: "oh what is the name of it? Damnit. The one about the Jewish Times".

Vulgar: "The JEWISH TIMES? What the hell are you talking about".

Rainbow Brite" yeah you know the one about the Jewish Times".

Vulgar: "Rainbow. Do you mean the HOLOCAUST?"

Rainbow Brite: "that might be it, what else".

Vulgar: "you mean like World War II? The Holocaust? Was the movie you meant Schindler’s List?".

Rainbow Brite: "that’s the name of it".

I kid you not. This is 100% true. The woman was 43 years old and did not know about WWII or the Holocaust.just a movie.

Listen up Fucktards. This is a necessary announcement that someone may have never told you. YOU ARE NOT THAT FUCKING IMPORTANT. The world does not revolve around you. What you say will not ultimately show any improvement in the social fabric or life on this earth in general. Since you now know this, this means that you can shut the fuck up and quit talking on a cell phone to any other Fucktard every second of your life no matter where you are. Unless you are the leader of a nation or otherwise have to make important life or death situations at a moments notice, you do not have to be able to be contacted 24 hours a day by any butt-reaming dipshit that knows you. Now, let me point out that I do own a cell phone. I use it for work. When I am not working, my cell phone sits on a desk in my home. When I am not working, I do not take it with me to places such as the store, the movies, the park, driving in my car, etc. Basically I do not take it anyplace where if it happens to ring, I do not talk on it about my inconsequential life and what mundane thing that I happen to be doing at the time to any other Fucktard who happened to want to talk to me, so that every other person in the immediate area can also hear about my pitiful existence. This is because I am not a Fucktard. Far be it for you Fucktards to go away and talk somewhere that you cannot be overheard. No, you think that you are that important that the rest of the world needs to accommodate you. You then expect people to give you some privacy when you are talking on the phone. In case you did not know it, the definition of the word PUBLIC is the complete opposite of PRIVATE. If you want to talk in private, go somewhere that you can do so like your own fucking home. That way you don’t annoy the rest of the world in public who can get along just fine without hearing how you can’t decide if skim or 2% milk is better or that your friend’s sister’s neighbor said something that you didn’t like. I was at a video store looking to rent a movie when this Fucktard was in the same aisle as me talking on a cell phone about the movies that were available to some other Fucktard. Every time I moved away from them, they would follow me into the next aisle and stand right next to me. This chattering magpie then seemed to get annoyed when I started making loud disgusted noises because I was interrupting HER phone conversation. Get off your fat ass and come down to the video store to look at movies yourself if you want to watch one. Don’t send the loudest fucking moron to tell you what is available. Better yet, all of you just stay home so I don’t have to hear from any of you. That way, you can take any call you want from any other Fucktard in their home and not disturb anyone. The same goes for driving. There are laws against talking on a phone while driving for a reason. That is because you Fucktards cannot walk and think at the same time, so what makes you think you can talk on a phone and drive at the same time? I guess you were walking when that bright idea hit and you couldn’t pay attention at the time. Since there were a lot of words in between my first statement and now, and whenever you learn something new, something old falls out of your pointed little heads, let me reiterate - YOU ARE NOT THAT FUCKING IMPORTANT. The world does not revolve around you. What you say will not ultimately show any improvement in the social fabric or life on this earth in general. Since you now know this again, this means that you can shut the fuck up and quit talking on a cell phone to other Fucktards every second of your life no matter where you are. Take this as a mantra. Repeat it to yourself many, many times. Hopefully one day it will sink in through the sludge you call your brain.

Ok fucktards. Here is a tip about your manners while in public, because this just truly pisses me off to no end. You go to the grocery store, you get your shopping cart filled, and then go through the check out line. Everything is fine, you may not have even annoyed anyone in the store. But your manners are not done fuck wad. After you load up your piece of shit car put the SHOPPING CART in the cart return. You know that area with the beams and big sign that says RETURN CART HERE? That’s what it is for. Gawd this annoys me. Don’t leave it at the end either, push it IN as far as you can so others can use the cart return properly too without having to clean up your mess. Why is this so difficult? You probably didn’t mind gobbling up the free samples, asking cashiers and clerks stupid questions, so do the poor staff a favor and help keep their job easier.

Ok another one of my pet peeves is the way fucktarded people in your life make assumptions about what you do, what your motivation is, and yet they never even ask. I worked with a fucktard (Rainbow Brite) for years that constantly made assumptions. We were once good friends until I could longer handle the ridiculousness. Anyway here is a sample of one of those conversations.

Vulgar says: "Yes my goal with the blog on our business website is to make sure it has fresh content which gets us more exposure, and listed on more directories".

Fucktard says: "oooooh I ASSumed you were just doing it cuz you were just thinking up more work to do and I can’t handle all that".

If you happen to be a fucktard and your boss or work associate asks you to do something anything, there is probably a very logical reason. If the scope of your thinking is so narrow to imagine that people invent work for literally no reason then you may need to see a shrink for more then "just a consultation". And good grief if you really don’t know, then ASK a simple question. Because if you ASSUME then you’ll make an ASS out of U and Me but mainly YOU.

Now I am not by any means a "fashionable" type of guy. I have never read GQ or wore any designer clothes that were not bought for me by someone else. I am, however, NOT a Fucktard. This means that I know how to dress in public and can look presentable. In my mind, there are only three rules of fashion and they are:

If you shouldn’t be wearing a belly shirt or tube top then don’t. Even if you can get away with wearing a tube top… don’t. Here is a reality tip for most of the Fucktards that I see wearing these. No one wants to see your love handles and stretch marks. It is not attractive in the least and just makes everyone want to throw up. For those of you who think you can get away with this because you have larger assets up top the only reason you have larger assets is because you are fat everywhere else as well. I saw this load the other day walking through town with the front of her shirt pulled up and tucked through her bra. There were mounds of flesh hanging so low that you could not see the waist of her pants through the flubber. It was bouncing up and down when she walked and honestly looked like a jellyfish stranded on a mile wide beach of denim flopping around. After holding my lunch down by gagging several times, it dawned on me that this Fucktard was walking around smiling and holding her dirtbag boyfriend’s hand in public. She was proud of the way she looked. Please, for all of our sakes, before you leave the house look in fucking the mirror. If you can honestly think that you look good with most of your obese body exposed, then you should be shot. This rule applies to men who think that mesh shirts are attractive too. News Flash they went out in the 70’s with all the other hideous clothes and just make you look like you are trying to smuggle wire brushes under you shirt.

As we are on the subject of men, pull your fucking pants up and buy a belt. I saw this overweight Fucktard today walking down the street holding his pants up because they were drooping so low. Isn’t it bad enough that you have to by 10X already? Do you really need to go that extra mile and get the 15X’s? How are you going to continue to stuff Ho Ho’s in your maw if you have to hold your pants up? Droopy pants are all well and good for the asinine criminals to wear. We all have gotten a good laugh while watching COPS when some stupid criminal is running away, his pants fall down around his ankles tripping him. I encourage this behavior with criminals. It makes it a lot easier to catch them. For the rest of you Fucktards, you just look stupid.

Finally, and this really pisses me off to no end, FLIP FLOPS ARE NOT SHOES! I am not talking about sandals or a thick-soled open top shoe - I am talking about the $.50 Blue Light K-Mart special foam and plastic shower tongs. As the name implies, these are meant for the SHOWER or the Beach and should not be worn as shoes. Everyday I see these fucking dim-witted nimrods (both men and women) walking around with these in public. It takes all of my will power not to walk over and stomp on their dirt encrusted hairy toes. Wear them at home in your backyard, not in public. When I go into a convenience store I want to get what I wanted to buy and get out. Not look at your feet. Are there no dress codes for work anymore? I work in a large metropolitan city and after parking I walk into my office. Have you ever looked at what on is the street? Everyday I see used bandages, syringes, the spot where some out-of-work shit-faced drunken Fucktard has passed out and either puked or pissed and shit themselves as well as bird shit, spit and general grime. I notice these things because I look at the ground when I am walking to lessen the urge to kill every stupid Fucktard I see. You mental giants with your flip flops on are walking through the same sludge that I do everyday. The only difference is that my SHOES protect my feet from this crap. You are just adding to your already overwhelming cruddiness. Maybe I will get lucky and some plague will come and wash all the scum off the world because it can only be contracted through your toenails.

Ok I have another work rant. I hired a chick for the low man on the totem pole job at the company I work for. These are work at home positions, and all you pretty much have to do is answer the phone when it rings and help the customer with what they want/ask for. A monkey could do it, in fact there are other monkeys working under me as I type this that seem to do their job just fine.

So I hire Amanda. She has experience, a pleasant speaking voice, and the ability to combine words together in to sentences which are the main requirements. But I am such a strict boss and the company policy is also strict we require that if you can not work your CHOSEN shift that you call the office number and tell them so. Please read that sentence again these fucktards get to CHOOSE their schedule, work from home, and they are independent contractors so we never tell them they can’t have time off. All they need to do is just let us know. It sounds pretty simple doesn’t it? This is a cake job for any competent person. But guess what. most people are not competent. So back to Amanada. She had some trouble with this whole calling off thingie. It confused her, and often. She barely ever showed up for her Sunday work shift. She was always late to her shift, left early, and to call her scatterbrained is a compliment. You get the point right? Let me also not forget to mention that she would contact the office receptionists to tell them she "had to take her dog outside to make a peepee". That’s a direct quote. Everyone pretty much wanted to see me put a bullet in her head, and I did consider it a few times. I was a good manager though, and just told her to get her shit together. Finally it was obvious she couldn’t do that, so I told her that I was terminating her contract.. which in plain English means "fuck off fuck face". That was about 2 months but today she messaged me online.

She said: Fucktard [10:45 A.M.]: Hi Vulgar, this is Amanda, not sure if you remember me, but I was wondering. I have been trying to find work as a receptionist and thought you might have a better idea as to where to look. I have had no luck. I do have experience. Thanks for your time

I think we all know that what she was really saying is that she wants a job back with us but wants the "better" position that pays hourly rather than the one that pays per consultation. I have my quota of fucktards in that position already. If I’m wrong about her intention, then somebody explain to me why would you ask the manager that FIRED you – to HELP you find a job with a competitors company? Doesn’t it sound like she asked me to do that - or it was her fucktard way to think I would offer her something? Go to hell Amanda and you’re little dog too. I should have suggested a job as a crash test dummy to her but I suspect she’d even fuck that up.

Fucktard Update! Since I wrote this post the moron emailed me the next day (8/11/06) and directly asked for a receptionist job. Now, I ask you… why would I offer you a better position with better pay if you couldn’t even do the lesser job decently? She again said she is "trying" to find one but doesn’t KNOW where to look! I guess she isn’t trying all THAT hard if she can’t find out where to look. It’s not even a logical comment duh duh duh.

I am a manager for a telecommunication type of business, in other words we work on the phone everyday accepting incoming calls. I have a toll free number where my staff can call me directly for problems and such. The number is new for me, only about 6 months old. It once belonged to a parasail company and they still had a shitload of ads plastered all over the net, so I am still getting "wrong number" calls. I had to go and actually have some of the ads removed myself because the volume was so high.

Since this is a direct number to me, I don’t answer it with anything other than "hello". I don’t have to; my staff knows I am the only one answering. 99% of the wrong number calls don’t seem to notice that I only answer with "hello" they just go right into requesting their reservations. I have to tell them what happened, and sometimes more stupidity ensues. It has gotten to a point where I hate it when it rings, because I know it’s going to annoy me to answer either way.

Today a fucktard with out telephone manners called. I really wonder if fucktards are taught anymore what telephone etiquette is. See my mother taught me to say "I’m SORRY I dialed the wrong number", or "Excuse me I think I dialed the wrong number". 99% of the fucktards that dial wrong to either my work line, my cell, or even my home number just freakin’ hang up. It pisses me off. You are the idiot that can’t press the buttons right, admit it, apologize for annoying me, and THEN hang up. Its common courtesy and manners. But the world is full of fucktards and we ALL know it. They do not even know what courtesy or manners are.

This is how today’s fucktarded call went:

Vulgar Says:"Hello"

Fucktard Says: "whose this"

Vulgar Says:"Who are you calling for please"?

Fucktard Says: "I have this number 1-800-xxx-xxxx. What’s it for"?

Vulgar Says:"If you tell me who you are calling for, then I can tell you if you have the wrong number or not"

Fucktard Says: "well is this your number"?

Vulgar Says:"well yeah, I answered it"

Fucktard Says: "well what’s the number for"?

Vulgar Says:"You must have the wrong number"

Fucktard Hangs Up

Ok so let me explain why this is bad manners to other fucktards who may be reading this.

• You do not call someone and ask who THEY are. You tell them either who YOU are, or you state your fucking purpose for ringing their phone. For example: "Hello is Vulgar there"? or like this: "Hello is this a parasail company"?
• When you retardedly do the above and the person tells you how to have manners and WHY you should approach them in a specific way:. You should listen. In other words I said to the fucktard…. if you state your purpose I can answer you fucking question asshole.
• Don’t dial a damn number if you don’t know what it’s for idiots. Like:. what if you accidentally called the stupidity police and get caught? I can’t imagine ANY person with normal intelligence calling a number just to ask what it is.

As an added note :..all toll free numbers record the number you called from. So I checked and I have this fucktards number now. I think I may start calling her every day and doing the same thing to her. I wonder if she’d EVER figure it out.

OK here is something that has always bothered me. Have you ever noticed when there has been a bad car accident (or a motorcycle accident or some Fucktard fulfills their ultimate destiny and falls off of a bridge) that, when they show this on the news, the camera always zooms in on a shoe lying by the side of the road. What the Fuck. Now this is not ever a sandal or penny loafer or other type of shoe that is a slip on it is always a tennis shoe or work boot or something that you tie. Now I have been in a couple of car accidents in my life, but during each one of these, my shoes have NEVER flown off my feet and magically went out of the window. Yet they are always on the news. My theory is that either the news people carry extra shoes in the vans (or the camera man is standing in his socks) for the purpose of pointing out just how bad this occasion was and how you should feel sorry (which in my mind makes them even bigger Fucktards than the talking heads already are) or Fucktards cannot tie their shoes. Since they cannot tie their shoes (or they can’t figure out which foot they go on so they don’t wear them and leave them on the back seat) they fly off when they do something stupid and hurt someone. In order to cut down on idiots causing bad traffic accidents, you should be able to prove that you can tie your shoes before you can get your license. That way all of the dumbasses who cannot tie their shoes will be off of the road and there will be less problems. There will most likely be very few people on the roads at that point because most of the people that I see are Fucktards in some way. This of course won’t affect the morons who fall off of bridges, but what the hell, this is just natural selection anyway.

The other issue that I have with the news is that whenever something happens, they always pick the most backasswards, toothless shit-for-brains to interview about it. If I wanted to hear an opinion about what occurred, I certainly want to hear it from someone who can put more than three fucking words together in a sentence. I think that the only reason that this happens is because either Cletus is the only one who wants to be on the news, so he can brag to the other Beverly Hillbillys, or they interview people during the day when all Non-Fucktards are doing something useful for society like working. There is nothing better than a good ol’ out-of-work Fucktard dialog about the state of today’s world and all of its ills. They always have to make a point of saying when someone dies in a drive by shooting that "they were the nicest person" or "they never did anything to anyone" (all language and grammar semi-corrected so that it can be understood in this post of course). WRONG. If they knew you then they were just as big of a Fucktard as you are. It would probably take about ten minutes to find a lot of people who thought that they were a big dickhead and saw it coming. We all know that they wouldn’t have been punished if they hadn’t been doing something wrong. A couple of months ago I was watching a segment on the news where someone had been killed in "accidental" drive by shooting. They showed these two 900 pound women hugging each other and crying. Now I may have found this poignant and it may have touched my callous heart if BOTH of these mammoth behemoths weren’t talking on a cell phone at the same time. HOW FUCKING SHALLOW CAN YOU BE? Here you just lost someone who was supposed to be close to you. You are letting your emotions out on television, and you are calling aunt Bertha to let her know you are on TV. I hate the news.

Ok, I am surrounded daily by fucktards. I try to be patient, but they always manage to fuck up my day with their fucktard ways.

Why is it so hard to follow simple rules? If you can’t work, call someone and tell them you will be out for the day. Not fucktards, they have to use a method that no one else uses and then act like you are the asswipe that did something wrong. They finally get online to contact you 2 hours after they should have been signed on and then use illegible fonts. You tell them that their message is hard to decipher because of the fonts and then they change the color only. Of course, this goes on for about 5 minutes until I just say, just tell me the excuse and I will try to figure out what the message says. After the lame excuse, she then tells me she is an elementary school teacher. God help these kids.

I work with two major fucktards, the kind that aren’t only stupid but have bad attitudes toward everyone else more intelligent then them (which is basically everyone). So today Miss Sunshine (the bigger fuck up) loses her phone connection. We’re IN a business where we ANSWER phones, it was kinda important to have hers working, and this isn’t the first time it’s happened. It’s not even the 98^th time it’s happened, we’re talking triple digits. So, ok fucktard: again: I’ll do your damn job for you, but don’t think I won’t TRY to get revenge by making sure you aren’t paid. And she does think she will get paid, she feels entitled to it and that every damn mistake she makes is perfectly ok. But don’t dare tell her so, or she gets all sweaty angry and begin to flap her slack jawed mouth back at you. It’s hard to even fight back when you can’t understand Fucktardian language, you spend a lot of time scratching your head wondering what the hell she means. Sometimes two or three people have to decipher it and by then she’s long gone: if she isn’t wearing her government issued ankle bracelet and on house arrest or something.

So back to today’s drama. Miss Sunshine took about 40 minutes to figure out that her phone wire was bent, twisted, and destroyed. Most of us know that when the phone isn’t ringing that there can only be a few reasons why. But she did thank me for doing her job for her, at last minute notice when I had other shit to do of my own. How nice of her.

Then I had to talk to her about why she had issues with the other receptionist. Since fucktards always come out of la-la land with their fists up….it can be a bit dangerous to approach one. Carefully I brought up the subject. Quick! Tell her she isn’t in trouble before the stupidity and blame begins to flow! Ok so it all boils down to the fact that Miss Sunshine feels like everyone should be friends and ask her how her life is. She feels all we talk to each other about is work and that no one asks how her snot faced kid is. I guess the point is lost to her, which is after you are late a million times, cause trouble, mouth off to everyone, and fuck up constantly most people you work with kinda don’t care about you. Gee maybe they even begin to dislike you, duh. Good one fucktard, all we care about is avoiding you.

If she could collect disability for her stupidity she wouldn’t have to work at all and we’d all be much happier.

While driving in to work the other day, I was going through a construction zone where they have one side of the road torn up and there is about a 2 foot drop into sand and gravel. As there are some businesses along the other side of the road, there are some pathways through the torn up section so that you can get to them. I see this highly intelligent Fucktard half blocking my lane because he was too fucking stupid to see that there was a huge drop and he tried to drive across the middle of it. He plunged down so that the front of his car was stuck in the sand, the back is on the road and the middle is crunched into the road. Not even ten feet further up the road is the path that the road crews so nicely made for cars to cross over. The best part is that the only place dipshit could have been going is to the adult book store because it is the only building in that particular mile long stretch. I guess all the blood left his head to go to his little peepee and he couldn’t think straight enough to realize there was no road where he was going.

I work in a metropolitan city where I have to sit in traffic on a daily basis after work. Now when I say sit, I don’t mean that I am still the entire time. The traffic moves at 2 miles per hour while stopping and starting frequently. During this time, a lot of minor Fucktards think that they can get ahead faster by weaving in and out of lanes - usually by cutting in front of me or others, and saving maybe 2 minutes off of their time. Anyway, into this urban mess comes the royal Fucktard of the day. This mental giant is on a motorcycle wearing only a tank top, daisy dukes and sandals. She is just begging for skin grafts when someone finally does their god given duty and runs her stupid ass over or she falls off like so many Fucktards do. Anyway, to make matter worse, she decides that she will also play the “lets see how many lanes I can cut through” game. The kicker is that not only is she cutting in and out of lanes, but she’s also driving up the median and up the middle BETWEEN moving cars also cutting in and out of lanes. I know that when she gets squashed everyone will bitch that “no one driving a car looks out for motorcycles on the road” …..WAAAAH. Then some other stupid Fucktard will put one of those crosses on the side of the road for her and more Fucktards will stop to put flowers on them - thereby making MY commute longer as everyone stops to look at it. I don’t hate motorcycles - just the stupid Fucktards who drive them.