Fucktard Rants… Attempting to Put a Stop to Stupidity the World Over because Stupid People Suck!

Let me tell you how a couple of days went for me last week. I own a fairly new car (a little over 3 years old) that does have a bit of mileage on it. I do drive in to work everyday and it is a fairly decent commute of about 35 miles one way. Last Monday I was driving home from work and sitting in traffic before going through a tunnel (like I do everyday) and cursing whatever Fucktard slowed down first and made all the traffic back up (like I do everyday). Anyway, traffic finally starts moving and I hit the gas. The engine revs and nothing else happens. I am in drive and I am not moving at all. I try switching gears, etc and nothing. The transmission is gone. I sit there for a while, in the fast lane, contacting someone to come and tow me (now this is only about 3 miles into my journey home). I finally get in touch with someone and they will send a tow truck, but it will be about an hour and a half due to traffic. This is fine. I expected this. About this time, the local patrol tow truck shows up and helps me move my car from the road to the berm. Great, this was a big help and I appreciated it. The guy was even nice enough to stop back an hour later and check that I was OK (I.e. Non-Fucktard). Unfortunately this was about the most terrifying hour and a half of my life. Here I am sitting on the berm by an exit before the tunnel and there are numerous Fucktards who find no problem driving on the berm to get past traffic and almost side-swipe my car. They had to see it there, but just didn’t seem to notice or care. (I also have to take a moment to put out my thanks to a state patrol officer who also stopped during this time to check on me. He even gave me a number to call their barracks if the tow truck did not show up. He almost was hit by some Fucktard driving on berm while he did this, but I appreciate his help).

The tow truck showed up after an hour and a half and we got my car situated to tow. Allow me to describe the tow truck driver. He was a fairly large man (not fat, but pretty muscular and larger than me) with tattoos on both arms and on the back and side of his shaved head. He also had no front teeth. This was actually not a problem for me, because back in the day this old punk hung out with some pretty big degenerates. When we get into the truck, the first thing that he says to me is “Do you like Metallica?” as it is jamming on the radio. Actually I do like some Metallica and I told him so. This appears to have been the point where Ray and I became best of friends. He says “Good Man” and pulls out in front of traffic. We are on our way. We’re driving along discussing the best way to get to where my car needs to go since he needs to drop off another car first. After this discussion, we start talking about music again and Ray tells me that he has been a headbanger for years. He tells me that he used to have really long hair “Longer than my old ladies” that hung down to his knees. He then tells me that he got sent away then and had to shave it all off. He keeps it shaved now because of the tattoos. Cool. I can deal with this still. After talking about some other things, we get to where we need to drop the other car off and do so. Then we situate my car back on the truck and we’re off again. We discuss important world places like CrapDonald’s and Wal-Mart and how these have made an impact upon our society at large. Just kidding, Ray actually just told me how he really likes both of them. Ray then starts to tell me a story about how he had a guy in the truck one time who “He just knew had something wrong with him and it was like he was retarded or something”. Anyway, the guy yelled at him to stop the truck and Ray stopped because he thought the guy had to vomit or something. No, the guy demanded that he get out of the truck and pulled out a knife. Ray then tells me how he reached under his seat and pulled out his gun and shot the guy four times while the guy was stabbing him. Ray even pulled up his shirt to show me the scar (while driving about 60 miles and hour) and again told me how he pulled his gun out from under the seat and shot the guy. Ray then told me that it was OK because the guy did not die. He even tried to help the guy before the ambulance arrived even though he was stabbed. The police felt it was OK too, but he was upset that he lost the right to carry his gun for 7 months and did not think that this was fair of the courts. I am feeling a tad bit nervous at this point since we still have about 20 miles to go to get to the garage. Lucky for me that Ray is my new best friend. (Although I did wonder how if he was sent away he was able to get a permit to carry a gun anyway.) The subject changes and before we get to the garage, we stopped to get something to eat and stopped at a convenience store for chew. Finally we arrive at the garage and get my car unloaded. Ray then tells me that I owe him $60 over the money that my roadside assistance paid. He also tells me that he cannot accept a card, they only accept cash. I think he just wanted to ride with me some more to go to the ATM. Thankfully I happen to have it and pay him. He gives me a big toothless grin as he waves and drives away. I get home 5 hours after I left work.

Now, you may think that Ray is the Fucktard of the story. He was not. I actually did like him and had a rather amusing time for the most part. I just told that part of the story because I thought it was funny. The real Fucktards came the next day. This part of my tale is NOT funny. The garage calls me (No, they are not the Fucktards either – they were pretty good throughout this) and tells me that the part of my car that broke was not covered. They then asked me if I had an extended warranty. I believed that I did and, because I was at work, had to make several hundred phone calls between the garage, the place I bought my car and the place the warranty was through to try to get the information. After much wailing, moaning and gnashing of teeth, I managed to get in touch with all these people (even though they had the information for my car fucked up) and get everything straight. This is where the Fucktard part of the story comes in. The guy handling the warranty claim then tells me “You know that the warranty company filed for bankruptcy two months ago and are not paying new claims, right?” No Fucktard, I did not know. Do you think that it would have been nice to inform the people that have this warranty about the company going bankrupt? I happened to pay a shitload of money when I bought the car so that I did not have to worry about crap like this. He gives me a website to look up and see what the insurance company contracted for my policy was doing regarding this. I go there and there and after searching through several thousand names (literally), I find my name and policy number. I look up what they are doing about the claims and the website says that if you live in seven specific states, they are covering the claims in full. I don’t live in any of those states of course. If you live in any other state, they are doing NOTHING right now and check back to the website in a couple of months. So, there you have the true Fucktards of this tale of woe. The bastards that I paid money to when I bought my car and then forced me to pay the full amount to get it fixed when it broke. That is the real crime. Maybe they should have been sent away instead of my buddy Ray.

I have said before that I spend a lot of time in my car driving to and from work. I have seen a lot of stupid things that Fucktards do while driving that make me wonder how they manage to keep their licenses. This morning I saw something so asinine that I had to write this rant today. In my travels to work, I pass through one highway that they are doing a lot of construction on. Basically they are rebuilding this highway and turning it from a two-lane to a four-lane highway in certain stretches of the road. They have been doing this for at least a year and a half and plan to finish this in the next two years. This is not a new construction site. Nothing has changed in at least 6 months. I have written about this highway and construction before in Fucktards on Wheel 2. (This is where the idiot drove off the side trying to get to the adult book store.). Right now they have all the traffic driving in one set of lanes while they build the other set. Part of the other set of lanes is completed, but not open. At one point of this road there is an intersection which is also down to one small set of lanes coming in and out of it. To turn right at this intersection you have to get to the light and turn down where they have it open. While there is some road before this, it is marked with those orange and white construction things that replaced the barrels and there is yellow caution tape strung between them. This light is usually red for no more than two minutes or so – just enough to let a couple of cars onto the highway. This morning I am at the light and there is one car in front of me and one Fucktard behind me. Fucktard decides that they are so important that they don’t have to wait for the light to change to turn that they cross over the part of the road that is newly paved and drive down the ramp that is blocked off. I guess they did not realize that the cones and caution tape meant that you should not be driving here. Fucktard must have realized this when they got to the end of the ramp and saw that the cones and tape were stretched across this – effectively blocking them from driving anymore – since they did stop at this point. Now, Fucktard had to take while to think about what they were going to do because they sat there for a minute. I don’t know if they were actually thinking or the sound of air whistling between their ears distracted them. Either way, instead of backing up and coming back onto the road and turning where they should have – Fucktard drives very slowly (so they don’t mess up their overly large SUV’s paint job) THROUGH the cones and caution tape. They broke the tape and knocked the cones to the side. After cautiously driving through the caution tape, Fucktard speeds away so that no one knows that they were the dipshit that did this. I can think of a lot better things that my tax dollars can go to than having the road crews clean up after some asshole thinks they can just do whatever they want. The most amusing part of this is that this person then immediately turned from destroying property into a gas station on the side of the intersection. I guess that it not so amusing after all. Just one more example of a Fucktard that should not be allowed to share the road with me.

Where I work you don’t have to give any kind of explanation on why you need a day off or what’s ailing you, just make sure you call in.

Well, normal people understand this, but NOT FUCKTARDS. Not only can they not even call in on time and sometimes not at all they have to tell you every piece of drama that is going on in their life.

First of all, I don’t give a shit. We are not family, friends…hell I don’t even like you.

I have put off this rant about a certain co-worker long enough. She called in tonight, 45 minutes late, and preceeded to cough in my ear and then go on and on about all of her illnesses. “I am sorry I am late, but I have been having breathing problems.” I am asthmatic and I am insulin dependent diabetic. Of course she was just getting home from somewhere and it wasn’t the hospital. Maybe her mother, the one that has Alzheimer’s, was driving her home from some shindig. Yes, her mother drives them places. That’s a scary thought. If it’s not her health it’s that she is doing something for her elderly mother with Alzheimer’s. She has to let us know that every fucking time she calls off also. All I know is my mother, whom I love with all my heart, is a terrible driver now. I sure wouldn’t get in the car with her if she had Alzheimer’s.

BTW, the jobs we do do not require any physical activity what-so-ever.

I have a big problem with Fucktards in cars. It used to be that I would mostly have issues with them when I was driving, but lately it seems that I have problems with them when I am not in a car as well. Let me give you an example. The other day I had made it through traffic hell, parked my car and was walking across the bridge into work. I get to the end of the bridge and there is a light where people come off a ramp from the highway and can turn right across the bridge or left and into town. Now this is a fancy light. It has three different colors and even has those neat looking boxes which also light up. The top one has a white sign that says “walk” and the bottom one has a red sign that says “don’t walk”. Not being a Fucktard myself, I know that when the white sign is on, I should be able to safely cross the intersection. The red one means I have to wait until the cars are stopped again so I can cross. I have discussed in previous posts how I observe Fucktards just crossing streets whenever and wherever they want, but this tale is not about that. Back to the three colored lights. For those Fucktards who don’t know, the top one is red and it means “Stop”. The middle one is yellow and it means “hurry up before it turns red”. (just kidding – see I do have a sense of humor) it means “slow down”. The bottom one is green and it means “go”. See…this is not so difficult. Anyway, I am crossing the intersection (because my little sign is showing “walk” and the traffic light is red which means the cars should “stop”) and this Fucktard decides that they are going to make a right on red and beat the cars coming up the road – even though they are only about ten feet away and moving. I guess shit stain was too busy looking at the cars coming to notice that someone was walking in front of their car. This pee brain hits the gas to pull out and runs right into me. I was not in a car, I was walking. I was hit by a car. Luckily they started from a stop and I was not hit hard, but let me tell you, it still is not fun. Thankfully the thud of my body hitting her car alerted her that there may be a problem and she stopped. I, of course, quickly move out of the road and she winds down the window. Now I am waiting for it to start as this behemoth leans out of her window and yells: “Sorry, are you OK”. This took me by complete surprise. Believe me, this was not what I was expecting. Suddenly there shined a small glimmer of hope in an otherwise stupid and pitiful world. (See…not everything I write about is completely bad). I told her it was Ok and went on my way with a lighter heart and small skip in my step. Well, it was actually more of a limp, but anyway my mood was better. This lasted about one block before I saw several other Fucktards do other incredibly stupid things and my world was back to normal.

Things have been tolerable on the fucktard front lately. It’s one reason I haven’t posted in awhile. But something weird happened again to me today that forced me to write. This is a true story, the names have be changed but alas it is true. I couldn’t make this crap up if I tried.

I have to set the story up so you must know 2 things.

First, I am a freak magnet. I attract them like flies to shit. They spot me anywhere I might be, they talk to me because somehow I “look” like someone who gives a damn about their rambling nonsense. They find me, they always like me, and I always say that I am never leaving the house again because of it.

Second, I am a horror film fanatic to the ninth degree. I’m not a crazy escaped mental patient; but I do like to watch them kill a bunch of fucktards on tv. Call it a “fantasy”. My home and life are normal… except for my game room. That’s where I store the collection of movies and have a few other weird collectibles. Most people who are not expecting this find it to be “charming”, or at least that’s what they say. At the very least it becomes a conversation.

On to the story….

I hate having “workmen” of any sort come to my home when my husband is not here. (see reason #1) They talk to me and they are always freaks. When my husband is home, they talk to him, but since he is a man they discuss the work they are doing. Me being a female means they have to find something else to say, and that just causes a door to open that I don’t want.

Today a workman fucktard came over for a reason that is irrelevant. He needed to plug in a saw down in my basement so I led him down the steps into my game room of “horrors”. I happened to look behind me to see him do a double take at my collection of Living Dead Dolls, and I laughed….

“Oh don’t freak out, my husband and I just love horror films”. I said

“Oh its ok, I think I was here before.” He responded.

Uneventful… the topic should be done now. Right? No. Not with a fucktard. I showed him where to plug in his saw, and just before he was heading out to the truck to get it… this conversation happened.

“You know it’s not the horror stuff that freaks me out in people’s houses. You know what really scares me is the Catholics”. He said.

“uh…… oh, I see”, I said in shock.

“Yeah they have all those creepy looking statues and pictures on the wall”. He said with a straight face.

“Yeah”. I said.

“Yeah and the other houses I hate to go into are the Arabs”. He said as he walked out the basement door.

I thought about telling him I was a Catholic and my husband was from Arab decent just to fuck with his mind, but then I thought better of it. He obviously didn’t have much of one. Instead I went up stairs and hid from him. I couldn’t wait to get the freak out of my house. WTF!

I recently came to an epiphany. I have noticed that just about every medical problem that exists can be fixed now. You can have your eyes fixed, your hearing fixed and can change any part of your body to the way you want it now. Unfortunately, you can’t fix stupid. Now, I know that some Fucktard is going to say “I heard that from some comedian and you are just stealing their ideas”. Well let me tell you. I know that I am not the first person to say this and it is not necessarily an original idea. However, I am not going to attempt to explain this to you because…You can’t fix stupid and the phrase obviously refers to you. Now that I have realized this, it is going to make my life a lot easier. And let’s face it, most of the world is already fucked and anything to make my life easier can’t be bad. One example of this is my niece. She is the epitome of stupid. This girl is 22 and could not figure out how to do anything if her life depended on it. She has screwed up her life beyond all repair already and is just going to get worse. Now, my wife and I have been trying to help her get herself straightened out since she was about 10. No matter what we suggested, she just turned around and did the Fucktarded thing anyway and screwed up even worse. I have always known that she was dumb and since I now realize you can’t fix stupid, I am no longer going to try to help and can just sit back and watch the retard make more of a mess of herself. Hell I even get a laugh out of it now and take bets on what asinine thing she’ll do next. Since I deal with extremely stupid people every day, I can now enjoy myself a bit more by trying to guess who will say the dumbest thing each day. This is not always as easy as it sounds because I hear some pretty stupid shit every day and it never ceases to amaze me how dumb people really are. But instead of trying to enlighten someone who has no clue what they are talking about, I can now see how long it will take them to realize that they are wrong. This could last a long time because most Fucktards can’t put a coherent thought together long enough to realize they are talking out their ass. I feel so free knowing this and am actually in a better mood. Unfortunately, some Fucktard will say something really stupid tomorrow and just piss me off again.

There has been a trend the past few years in the area that I live whereby they have been closing and consolidating some of the local schools.  Hopefully this is because there are less Fucktards breeding, but that is not the point of this rant.  Some of the closed schools have been changed into other uses.  One of the schools had been changed into a day care center for children.  On the news the other day there was this Fucktard who had an issue with this.  The issue was not with the school being changed into a daycare center – in fact she was utilizing this.  The issue she had was that, since the school closed, they would no longer turn on the school 15 MPH signs in the morning and afternoon.  The state said that according to the regulations, schools are defined as K-12.  Since this building no longer housed K-12 students, it was not considered a school and they would be in violation of state mandates if they turned on the signs.  Makes sense to me, but then again I am not a Fucktard.  Personally, I couldn’t give a shit less one way or the other if these signs are flashing or not.  However, this Fucktard has an issue with this.  An issue so big that she decided to air it on the news.  In public.  So that everyone could see what a freaking raging imbecile that she is.  Now this little chickie could not have been more than 22 years old.  Scratch that.  The only thing little about this Fucktard was her IQ.  So here is this mental midget saying that she thinks the lights should be turned on anyway because (and I quote) “The kids going to schools are all over five years old and know better than to run out into the street.  These are two and three year olds who don’t know better than to not run out in the street.”  Now, I am going to assume that Fucktard is not allowing her 2-3 year old to walk to this daycare on their own (you never know with Fucktards, but I hope she is not).  Would this then not make it YOUR fucking responsibility to make sure that your child does not run out into the street??  Can you let go of the moon pie for 10 seconds to hold your child’s hand and cross the street safely with them?  Most of these former schools have big parking spaces in front of the doors where I see most people dropping their children off so that they are not near the street.  Do you want one of these in front of your house too so that you can grow fatter while not paying any attention to your kids?  If you are dumb enough to let your 2-3 year old (who by your statement you know is likely to run into the street) alone and not pay attention to them, when a car comes up the road, it will not matter if they are doing 15 or 50, when they run in front of it and get hit, they are going to get hurt.  I am sure that you will then try to blame the state for your lack of parental skills.  When did it become the state’s responsibility to make sure you are not so fucking stupid and take care of YOUR kids?  You are the one who spawned.  You are responsible for their safety.  Now, while I am sure that at some point the state WILL be responsible for the well being and safety of this Fucktard’s kids, but why invite them in beforehand?  I am amazed that I don’t throw more shit at my TV when I see idiots like this on the news

On a continual basis I get bombarded by people wanting to sell me crap to support their kids. It used to be mostly subs or pizza, but this has now expanded into cookie dough, wrapping paper, candy, ornaments, and a variety of other useless junk that I don’t need. I don’t want to buy crappy wrapping paper because your junior Fucktard joined some organization or their school wants to suck more money out of me. I already pay taxes to support your spawn in going to school, why do I need to pay more? Most of the teachers that I see are way overpaid for the poor work that they are doing anyway. What other job can you be a complete and utter Fucktard and still not be able to lose it because you have tenure? Before you get all up in arms, there are some good teachers out there, but like the rest of the population most are Fucktards. Anyway, back to my not wanting to buy your crap. If you want your child to be in some activity, then YOU pay for it. Being involved in activities is not a right your child has. It should be earned by them and paid for by you. Maybe if you stopped getting them involved in all these activities and taught them some fucking manners, there would be less Fucktards in the world to piss me off. I guess that would mean you would have to stop being a Fucktarded parent as well and I just don’t see that happening. Do you? What also irritates me is when these Fucktards act offended because I say “NO” and tell them I won’t buy the junk. Pleading with me that it is for your child’s sake has absolutely no meaning to me. I don’t like you much to begin with and I surely don’t think your snot-faced pride and joy is cute. I can’t seem to get away from this. If it isn’t one of my Fucktarded family members asking for my money, it is someone at work or someone sitting outside of a store trying to get me to buy more shit from them. Why do you think I went to the STORE? I know I would be a lot happier if these Fucktards just left me alone.

One of the girls that work for me took Halloween and Trick or Treat off last night. She used AOL to Instant Message me and say she couldn’t work before 10pm even though she had no children. She had to be there to answer the door. I mentioned that Trick or Treating is usually from 6-8pm to her. She said “on no it runs until 10pm here.”

I would love to know what fucktard community runs trick or treat until 10pm on a school night. Kids coming home at 10pm need more time sort through their candy, clean up their costumes, run off their sugar high, and then get ready for bed. She was of course full of it.

She was late again today. She used AOL again verses calling and actually talking to someone. So she was late, but then she starts to babble….. she said…..

turdbrain2 [6:23 P.M.]: the sky gets so dark so early now that it confuses me

She is confused alright. But the sky did not cause it. What an ass!

I don’t know about anyone else, but this Christmas shit just pisses me off. What the fuck happened to every other holiday after the 4^th of July? You used to have distinctive holiday seasons and could look forward to each one. Ever since the middle of September, however, I have seen Christmas crap in all of the stores. You go into any store now and there is a smaller display of Halloween items (which is the best holiday of the year. Where else can you look into fucktard’s houses and see what they have without being arrested?) next to a huge display of Christmas things. It is not even winter yet and everyone is looking forward to the biggest Fucktard day of the year. I say that this is a fucktard day because Christmas is just one big swap meet where the winner is the one the gives out the least and gets the most back. Just because I have decided not to spawn like so many people do, I end up losing more and more every year. My sisters and brother have a bunch of dirt-faced rugrats now. Every year I now have to buy something for some new little fucktard-in-training and receive the same shitty amount for a gift from the rest of them (if I get a gift at all). Then, these shitheads don’t have the common courtesy to make the little bastards even say Thank You. This has gone on for years and suddenly I am the asshole because I don’t want to participate in this crap anymore. I get told that I should “just be a good uncle”. Fuck that. Just because you cannot control your hormones doesn’t mean I should have to pay for it. Before any of you fucktards try to pull the “Well you should just remember the reason for the season” bullshit, just shut up. Think about this. Isn’t it amazing that your holiday for Santachrist happens to fall at the same time as many other religious holidays (most of which are far older than yours). So, if I am to celebrate the true reason for the season, it probably won’t be with your religion and you should keep your zealot-ism to yourself. Why can’t we have a holiday where all the fucktards stay home and don’t irritate me for six months instead. That would be the best Christmas gift that I could ever have.

Another one of my pet peeves are the fucktards that disobey simple driving rules in parking lots. These are the douche bags that do not stop at the intersections where a big stop sign appears. Or they cut across the parking spots, cut you off because you are following traffic rules but give you the stupid look. I am of the opinion that putting people in a shopping center parking lot of any kind causes them to lose 50 IQ points instantly. I also get annoyed by the fucktards that walk right in front of your car without even looking. I realize pedestrians have the right of way, but my mother must have been a genius when she taught me to look both ways in case a car doesn’t see me. One day in the future I could be having a bad day in the Walmart parking lot and I’ll be cleaning Irma Jean Fucktard and her two ugly brats off the hood of my car with a spatula… but I won’t feel guilty. Please work with me and the rest of us damn it… follow the rules of the road in the parking lot, look both ways before you go trotting along, look BEHIND you when you back up dummies. I shouldn’t have to write this but too many stupid people keep shopping.

Oprah did a show on Friday about “Mom’s Who Can’t Say No”. That was the title of the episode but it should have been “Stop Being a Fucktard Parent”. It was about how spoiling our children is actually bad for them. The experts said that giving them everything they want makes them feel entitled, causes children not to appreciate things, makes them have no work ethic, and that it ruins their lives.

Hello? Do people have their brains on at all? No fucking shit. Why does Oprah have to even explain this to anyone? This was real, this had to be an actual Oprah lesson because so many fucktards keep reproducing yet have no clue how to create a good thoughtful productive human being. What killed me is there were working professional articulate parents that were destroying their kids and they were acting as if they had no idea! Do people realize it takes more skill then FUCKING to be a parent?

I am almost 37 years old, my mother used to lecture me on a “bad” behavior and when she did she told me “it was for my own good”. She told me that when I grew up I’d understand and be a better person for it when she had to punish me. I can’t believe my mother actually wanted me to grow up and do right by society, by her, by my own friends and family.

What the hell is wrong with people that we have to watch a tv talk show to tell us how make our kids generous people instead of selfish ones? Have we lost all common sense in the United States? Now all we need is a talk show to tell the people “if you are a fucktard then don’t have children”. And truthfully that would solve the problem too.

As you probably have figured out, I spend a lot of time in my car driving back and forth to work. I amazes me just how much Fucktards have no manners whatsoever while driving anymore. I always understood that it is much better to be polite to others while driving than to be an ass. I have found that it doesn’t matter if someone is driving a Lexus or a piece of shit car that should have been junked in the 70’s – they are all Fucktards. For example, it was my understanding that it was polite to allow someone to enter a roadway from a ramp or side street if possible. The extra minute you save by being a Fucktard and ignoring others doesn’t really help you get to where you are going any faster. Conversely, it doesn’t help for you to be a complete prick and cut in front of others either. You are not so important that you have to force your way in and almost cause an accident. If someone happens to let you in, don’t act as if it is your god-given right that they should. Show some fucking manners and at least acknowledge that they were nice enough to do this. You can interrupt your phone call for two seconds and wave. You shouldn’t be talking on the phone when you are driving anyways shithead. For you Fucktards that cannot read, those signs that say “Do Not Block Intersection” mean something. They mean DO NOT BLOCK THE GOD DAMN INTERSECTION. You are usually sitting at a red light anyway dipshit, so why the fuck do you have to stop anyone from getting into or out of a parking lot or maybe even drive on a cross street when it is their turn? It is not like you are going anywhere. Show some fucking manners. I also get particularly annoyed at the truly brilliant people who do not realize that those thick white lines in front of lights and stop signs at intersections mean you are supposed to stop BEHIND the line. There is a reason for this as well. They will even post signs to this effect and some Fucktard still cannot figure it out. I guess if you cannot read the intersection sign, you cannot figure this out either. Don’t you have to take written test to get your license anymore? Wherever you live paid some engineer a lot of money to determine where it would be safe for people to turn and where you should stop at. Do you really think you are smarter and can stop anywhere you want? I can assure you, Fucktard, you are not. Again, you are stopped. Is that extra two feet going to save you any time? No it is not. Then, to top it off, you have the nerve to look shocked and annoyed when I almost hit you when I am turning around a corner because you are where you are not supposed to be. How shocked will you look when I throw a brick through your window? Please, I beg you, if you are going to drive, stop being a Fucktard and show some fucking manners.

I realize that we live in a disposable world and everything is being made to be convenient. This ranges from microwaveable food to disposable plates, to disposable cameras, etc. But I have a real problem with everything being disposable. There is a commercial that irritates the hell out of me every time that I see it. It is for some Ford and shows a family with two kids driving out into the country. They are stopping at various places, getting ice cream and appear to be having a very good time. At the end of the commercial the guy gets out of the car and thanks them for inviting him, hugs his kids, tells them that he will see them next weekend and returns to his bachelor condo. What the fuck is this? Are we so jaded now that it is perfectly OK to promote the fact that even marriage is disposable? I realize that there is a very high divorce rate now, but this has to be attributed to the fact that Fucktards cannot make an intelligent decision about anything – even who to marry. I may seem to be old-fashioned in my thinking, but I chose someone that I was in love with to marry and didn’t get married until I was sure that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with them - Not just focus on having a big wedding to show off for everyone and get divorced if it doesn’t work out. This fucktarded thinking seems to permeate our society now. I have a wedding anniversary coming up and I looked up the list of symbolic wedding gifts. There is now a “Modern” version of this. For example, what used to be given for a Fifteenth wedding anniversary (Crystal) is now given for THIRD wedding anniversary. You used to have to be married for twenty years to get China, now you only have to be married for TWO. What kind of fucked up thinking is this? You are supposed to give appliances at a fourth wedding anniversary. When did a blender become an acceptable means of showing affection? This used to be a bad joke on men who couldn’t buy their wives an acceptable gift. When did the Fucktards take over the world and turn something that is supposed to be based on love and working together, into a way to gouge your friends and relatives into giving you expensive gifts? Sorry, we’ve been married for two and a half years and since I am tired of you I am taking the China. By the way, you also get the pay off the $200,000 bill that we spent to show off for our friends on the wedding – because that was more important than finding out if I actually wanted to be with you or not. I agree with having things be more convenient, but it would be nice to see something still have some value in the world.

There are actually times that Fucktards amuse me instead of pissing me off. Since this is extremely rare, I thought I would relate an incident that occurred a couple of months ago that was one of the funniest things that I ever saw. As you can tell by the title, this does involve a naked Fucktard. Now, this person was definitely not someone that I would ever want to willingly see naked, but it was such a treat given the circumstance that I can forgive that. So the story goes… Fucktard was in a convenience store in the middle of the city that I work in and she shoplifts a bag of peanuts (go figure – the elephant steals peanuts). The clerk then confronts her about it and she (of course) retaliates by yelling and screaming at the clerk. Somehow in the midst of this VERBAL altercation, Fucktard manages to lose ALL of her clothes. I am talking everything from shirt and pants to underwear and socks/shoes. She is buck naked. Then she runs out of the store and into the street (again – downtown in a fairly large metropolitan city on a very busy intersection) and proceeds to continue to yell and scream at the clerk inside the store while jumping up and down like one of those tribal scenes that you used to able to see in National Geographic. If she only had a bone through her nose, it would have been perfect. Since there is a fire station next to the convenience store, the EMT’s come out and are standing around her talking to her. Cue me trudging in on my way to work. I come around the corner and see this scene. I just have to stop for a moment and watch. It is not often that you see a hippopotamus naked in the street. After watching for a while, I have to go to work (because I am a responsible person) and continue to my office (which is up one block and down another). As I come down to the front of my building, I see Fucktard running down the street like a rhino crossing the Serengeti. She has managed to put her shirt back on, but nothing else. Even more amusing is the picture of a skinny little EMT running along behind her holding her pants out in front of him for her to take like a baton in a rely race. I almost shit myself. Seconds later there are police swarming the area in an attempt to hunt down this wild beast. Now, instead of only being questioned for shoplifting (a relatively minor offense) Fucktard now faces charges of public indecency and resisting arrest. I found out later that to top it off, once the police finished their safari (I am sure they had to shoot her with several tranquilizer darts) and captured her they hauled her off to the local loony bin. So now she is naked and crazy. I have always wondered why crazy people get naked in the strangest places. If every Fucktard could be amusing like this one instead of stupid and irritating, I would not mind having so many of them in the world.

9/11 is a day we all remember, and on the anniversary of such a tragic event, I thought I’d celebrate some stupidity I was exposed to at the time. This is a Rainbow Brite post, she is listed in the Hall of Fame by me for her fucktard sensibilities. I knew her for about 10 years, and each day she became dumber.

So the story of idiocy begins….

Unless you are an idiot you know what happened 9/11/01. That’s not my story. The night of September 11^th I couldn’t sleep, I live very close to the Pennsylvania crash site, so it was on my mind specifically. I felt scared, sad, worried, angry etc etc just like every other American. In fact, there was also a great feeling of pride in America and the only positive thing I can say about the event itself is that we all did appreciate our American Pride a bit more. I know I did at least, and I felt the need the next day to put out an American flag. It was something I did not own, which made me realize I should have one.

I spoke to fucktard Rainbow Brite on the phone, expressed this need to her and she said “that’s a good idea. I know it is dummy, it came from me… not you of course. So as always she need to attach herself to my shirt tails and said she wanted to go with me. She even volunteered to drive.

Now let’s review something about Rainbow Brite and her automobiles. In the years I knew her she only owned one beyond the year 1990, and she only got it about 2 years ago. Her and her husband bought junkers, because “ a new car is a waste of money”, as opposed to the hundreds of dollars per year they were sinking into these used pieces of shit. And yes of course they were getting ripped off by buying cars that the very minute they drove away from the sale… they broke down. It literally did happen and still they never learned that maybe they were not smart car shoppers, and that they were always jumping from one frying pan into another.

So, dear Rainbow Brite in her Granny junker pulled clunking loudly into my driveway. I got in the car with the door that wouldn’t lock, and off we went listening to her 8-track tapes. Rainbow, the fucktard, as you might assume is not a great driver. She tends to have a very short attention span, she looks at something as you pass it and begins to swerve all over the road. You have to remind her to look at the road again. She tends to look at her surroundings more than the road ahead. Highway driving was scary and I always interrupted her childish “ooooh lookie over there” comments. I also used a seat belt if the junker even had one.

This particular trip I felt wasn’t such a big deal. We were going about 2 miles away to a specific shop. There was little traffic, people were just not out and a person slowly passed us in the turning lane literally one block from my house. I saw a guy, possibly of Arabic descent from the corner of my eye, while Rainbow turned away completely to look as he passed. I knew a stupid comment was coming.

She SLAMMED on the brakes in the middle of the road.

“I swear to God that guy had a gun Vulgar” she shouts at me.

“Shut up and drive, quit being a paranoid retard”, I answered.

Do you believe it? It’s the honest truth. I could not make this shit up. It was your standard stupid fucktard thing that every Arab is “guilty” and yet it was only 24 hours later so we did not have full proof of who had officially caused the whole thing yet. It totally pissed me off. She started driving again.

We heard an obvious helicopter overhead not more than 8 feet later down the road. She SLAMMED on the brakes again…… and looked UP and out the window as if it was going to fall from the sky or crash into something. It was so obvious that the helicopter was going to, or coming from the crash site, as I mentioned earlier - we lived near it. Ok, well… obvious to anyone who wasn’t a fucktard. Rainbow asked me why it was up there since all flights were shut down etc. Like I said, obvious to anyone who wasn’t a fucktard…. So I had to explain it.

“oooooooooooh yeah, that makes sense”.

Yes Rainbow, it does make sense, to anyone with COMMON SENSE and half a brain. It’s just that we don’t all need it explained to us by people who are 10 years our junior. Yes, she is also that much older than me. I wasn’t sure whether I should slap her, or run screaming from the car. But I really did want to get to the shop.

She asked me after we got our flags if I wanted to go to lunch or something. But I had met my fucktard limit already and I needed to go home, where sanity prevailed.

This event with Rainbow will remain etched forever in my head as a part of the horror on September 11^th. The horror of her stupidity, immaturity, and ignorance still linger in my head each year.

Why is it that I have to have Fucktards on a daily basis attempt to show me just how cool they are? They do this by turning their car stereo up as loud as they can. You used to only have to worry about the idiots carrying their big boom boxes around before, now I run into at least two Fucktards doing this every day. I have a radio in my own car, I do not need to hear the crap that you are listening to. I don’t know what it sounds like inside your car, but from the outside it sounds like a very fuzzy deep bass and parts of your shitbox rattling with the beat. I am not impressed with you, I am annoyed. No one else is impressed with you either. I don’t even think the other Fucktards are impressed, but I could be wrong. You never know with Fucktards. My grandfather used to turn his radio up very loud too. This is because he was DEAF, not because he was a Fucktard like you. I may not even be quite as annoyed if I ever heard one of these dick holes play any decent music (or actual music at all). But no, it is always some skinny little dork bee-bopping in his car to gangster rap. I mean come on. Look at you. Not only do you have lousy taste in music, but you have no concept of how pathetic you really are. Try getting a personality transplant if you want to be cool. Turning your radio up as loud as it can go is just not working for you. I guess that is why I always see these nimrods alone or with a group of other male Fucktards who are just as big of losers. Maybe if you lost the stupidity, you might actually be with a GIRL on a weekend night instead of alone with your rattling car.

I have a rant about cashiers at grocery stores. It’s simple, just 2 things: stopping looking at my stuff, and stop talking to me. Now let’s review.

I do my shopping on Saturdays during my day off. I have been waiting in line behind several fucktards to get out of the store, and they have probably pissed me off. I am now exhausted from the whole shopping experience and I am in a hurry when I finally get up to the register. Ring up my stuff and pack the damn bags. Don’t leisurely look through my groceries reading what each item is. And God help you if you ask me about it. If looks could kill, you’d be in deep shit. Do your shopping on your own time and quit using my purchases as a new means to product discovery! My groceries do not want your cruddy money touching germy hands all over them while you study them. Oh, and forget about making stupid jokes. I don’t want to hear about your day either. My favorite cashiers are the ones who keep their eyes on the register, work quickly, and keep their mouths shut.

I was at the grocery store this past weekend and saw an incident that completely disgusted me. After shopping for a while, I had to sit down. This is because you cannot have just a simple grocery store anymore, but everything has to be a super-megaopolis shopping mecca. While these stores are now all huge, they still don’t seem to carry anything that I happen to like, or they discontinue carrying it in a very short time. I can, however, buy any amount of sugar coated sugar cubes dipped in chocolate with sprinkles on top breakfast cereal that I want. But I digress, back to the incident. Since I am tired of walking around, I want to sit down. In this store there is an area set up like a café with tables and chairs in between the bakery and the deli. I sit on one of the chairs while my wife goes and looks for something that she wants in this area. While sitting there, I watch as this old couple goes up to the self-serve donut area and prepare to get some donuts. You would think that given their age, they would have been taught some manners at some point, but not these Fucktards. While the woman holds open the bag, the man starts to get some donuts. Is he using one of those nifty disposable plastic gloves? Is he using those handily placed tongs? No. He reaches in with his Ben Gay and Feces encrusted hands and starts handling all of the donuts to pick what they want. If this was not bad enough, Geriatric Man suffers an arthritic spasm and drops one of the donuts he has picked onto the floor. Any normal person would have left this there or threw it in the garbage. Fucktarded people do what he did. HE PICKS THE DONUT UP AND PUTS IT BACK IN THE CASE! Then picks up the donut next to the one that was on the floor and puts it in the bag. Do you think his wife said anything to him? No, she looks to see if there are any store employees to see him and gives him the nod when the coast is clear. I already know that things like this happen and if you saw how any of the food you eat was prepared, you would stop eating. But give me prepackaged, full of preservatives, food any day. This way I know the only Fucktard that has handled my food was at the packaging plant and I can put that out of my mind.

While driving home from work today, I saw something that reaffirms my belief that there should be a Fucktard test given to every person before they are allowed to have a license to drive. As I was driving, I pass this Dimwit who is driving along in his red-neck monster truck. It is bad enough that the shitbox he is driving is allowed on the road at all with all of the rusted pieces falling off of it, but he has to make it worse. This Fucktard is driving with his leg hanging out of the widow and his camouflaged work boot resting on the front of his side view mirror. At the same time, he is leaning with his left arm and elbow out the window as well and is smoking. Furthermore, he is using his right hand to pick mud off his boots and throwing it in the other lane. What the fuck is he driving with? You just know that since he is wearing a sideways baseball cap that he has a needle dick, so obviously he is not using this to steer with and most likely not steering at all. He also has to be in a bad angle to use his other leg to control the pedals. To make matters even worse is that he is not driving on a back road, but is on a major interstate with three lanes on each side doing at least 70 MPH. I am amazed that I ever make it home alive when this is what I have driving beside me.

I don’t shop on Ebay much at all, but I have friends that do. They tell me when something unusual is being auctioned or sometimes the news will carry a story about something on Ebay.

Remember the grilled cheese sandwich that had the picture of the Virgin Mary on it. I think it went for $25,000. Give me a break. I also remember seeing an empty McDonald’s french fry bag being auctioned for 20 cents. Now why the hell would someone want an empty french fry bag? Maybe I should save all my empty containers of anything I purchase from the restaurants and groceries. You never know what some fucktard will buy.

BUT today, I heard the best one yet. I couldn’t even believe that the news was even talking about this item on Ebay. I know because of all the hype of Tom Cruise’s new baby, anything about him, Katie Holmes and the new baby (Suri) beats out any other news story. I mean what is important, surely not the fucking war in the Middle East, terrorism, all the crazy fucktards killing their kids, etc. The most important issue at hand is the fact that some fucktard bronzed Suri’s first bowel movement and is selling it on Ebay. Yes, you read right. The baby’s first dump, shit, turd. Whatever you want to call it, there it is in all it’s glory made of bronze…..BABY SURI’S POOP.

I don’t care that it is being auctioned for some charity. MY GOD is nothing sacred anymore. Maybe the fucktard that bronzed the turd isn’t so stupid after all. You know some more ignorant fucktard is going to actually buy it. I am curious to know just how fucktard #1 retrived this poop. Did he lurk in the bushes until the first diaper dump? Did the crazy daddy (Tom) give it to the fucktard to bronze it? Maybe in daddy’s crazy religion this is a practice. Giving the first poop of the first born to ensure a place in the afterlife.

Even the MSNBC newscaster couldn’t believe she was getting paid to cover this story. She even made that comment on the air. I was embarrassed for her.

By the way, I have 2 cats. One loves to poop. I wonder how much her poop would go for. HHMMM, I might have to check out Ebay.

I wrote a rant about one of my staff before. Please read the Fat Ass post to know the dipshit I am dealing with. This woman is a total drama queen, the excuse princess, and her life must be pretty difficult as you will see. She also calls “off” constantly despite the fact that she has the weekends off.

Yesterday the Drama Queen emailed me to let me know that during her days off she was in the hospital for walking pneumonia. She was feeling better she said, and her cough was tons better but she was taking the night off. She said she needed rest because during her 3 days in the hospital that they came in every 20 minutes to take her blood pressure, to take her blood, or to make her do breathing tests. It apparently exhausted her to lay in a bed.

I don’t know what hospital it is… but damn they give good care. When I was in the hospital a few years ago – in the ICU unit mind you, I had to buzz for the nurses. They weren’t showing up every 20 minutes for the ICU unit. And 3 days hospital stay for walking pneumonia? Whoa, that’s good insurance she has! My 70 yr old father with his heart condition and pace maker had full blown pneumonia and they only kept him overnight.

So basically the Drama Queen had 3 days of laying in the hospital doing nothing, and she needed rest from that. Doesn’t her fat ass kid keep her busier in a normal day with all his head injuries? Surely she should need more rest from that reject, right?

Another time she told me she was in the h